Transgender women are beautiful in everyway and I love chatting with the forum members
Hello and welcome @Brann.Rose 
It’s absolutely fine to have fantasies, it’s normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Similarly with sexuality, I agree that you can identify however you wish and as others have said this can change over time.
I am of the view that we don’t have to share all our fantasies with partners, as they can be just that, a fantasy. However, from your post it sounds as though your desire to act out your fantasies is quite strong, and when in a relationship this can be difficult. From your post I am assuming you are in a monogamous relationship. In every relationship there are set boundaries that both parties have agreed to. When considering opening those boundaries to introduce other parties, this needs to be carefully considered and something that both are completely on board with. I personally don’t think it makes much difference whether it’s a desire you want to fulfil or if you were to sleep with another woman for example - just because something is a desire doesn’t give us a “free pass” to do whatever we like. With your situation where I assume you have current boundaries in place, I think it’s unfair to say your parter is not being understanding of your desires. She is completely within her right to not want an open relationship (or for other parties to be introduced to play) if that is not what has been previously agreed. If there are no compromises, it then comes to you to decide whether you feel you are able to suppress those desires (which can be really difficult if they are strong), or not. You said at the beginning of the post that you hold zero resentment towards your partner for “being content with a vanilla sex life”, but as your post continues it does sound as though there may be some resentment there for you not being able to explore your desires. I think you need a really open and honest conversation with your partner, but you need to give her time first to digest the information as you have said. Go slow and don’t try to rush anything
I’d also consider when you do have a conversation, think about how you can check in with her about how she feels about the current sex life, whether there is anything she wants to try or has thought about. There may well be other things that you can do together that would satisfy both your needs, but again this needs to be discussed between the two of you. Good luck
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Hello and welcome to the forum @Brann.Rose!
After reading your post and the subsequent replies, I don’t think that I can really add anything to what has already been said. Negotiating fantasies can certainly be difficult, but I believe that respect and communication are always the best solutions. However, we are always here for more advice or support if you need it.
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Update:
First I just wanted to sincerely say THANK YOU to everyone for your support, thoughts, and Feedback. It was a rough couple of days…(my wife’s didn’t fully understand what this forum was, and thought it was a hookup site with the intention of me cheating).
She finally approached me a couple days ago asking.
- to discuss my fantasies
- if anyone had responded
For some Background in my relationship, my wife is one of those people that dominate conversations (no matter who’s she’s talking to) and it’s always been challenging for me to fully express the message and communicate since she typically tends to cut me off or anyone before they are able to finish (something that we are working on.
I first had to re-assure her that I am 100% in Love with her, that I am very much attracted to her and find her Beautiful, sexy, and she turns me on, and that I would never go outside our marriage to fulfill any fantasies and will only make decisions that we both agree with and are okay with.
I also had to explain that just because I do have fantasies that yes that I didn’t have 12 years ago when we met, but now have doesn’t mean that I am unhappy or will have resentment if I never fulfill my fantasies. I was able to explain by… I am a huge Batman Fan (even had a Batman Wedding cake) and said to her it’s a fantasy of mine to own and drive the 1989 Batmoblie and is my number 1 car of my dreams…am I ever going to own/drive it…Nope with a 99.999999% chance of never going to happen, but that’s okay and I’m happy and love Driving my Chrysler Town and Country Mini Van. I also had to tell her that just because I have a fantasy doesn’t mean that if I do have a chance to fulfill…doesn’t mean that it’s going to be what I imagine it would be…just like when you go to a restaurant and think something you pick out on a menu seems like a perfect meal and after you try it say well that was disappointing, and wasn’t what I expected.
She proceeded to ask to see all the comments and feedback which is what was finally able to put her mind to rest as she saw that this forum is full of support and provided great feedback that really helped started a very long overdue discussion (she had just wished I had approached her to have a discussion sooner …which is when I replied that I have very subtly, but said being difficult to fully express and communicate has been challenging and was seeking advice on how to approach you to discuss, but before I had the chance you had read my message and was not my intention to put it all out on the table which yes, a lot especially all at once.
We both really liked the idea of seeing a sex therapist, and given time and small steps is open to trying new things that will fulfill each other’s fantasies. Of course she pointed out that some that she indicated that she would not be okay with, which I responded that’s okay and I completely understand and respect that.
I also expressed how happy I was with her just saying that she’s willing to take steps towards fulfilling some of my fantasies and open to trying which meant the world to me!
The only thing that we are opposite with in the type of people we are is I’m the type of person that is willing to try anything once (in all aspects of life…obviously meaning things that are realistic/practical/morally good). For example if there was anything that she had that was a deep fantasy that I would have 0 interest in (she doesn’t) I’m the type of person that would say okay I’m willing to give it a try just to bring her fulfillment/happiness, but that’s me and my decision. She is 100% exactly the opposite, but that’s okay and it may sound that I do hold some resentment that she’s not the same way, but that couldn’t be further from the truth and know that everyone is different and have their own opinions.
Again, Thank you all for your responses, feedback, and guidance!
-Brann
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Glad you got it all out there and are communicating well.
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That’s fantastic to hear that you are communicating so well and it sounds as though you will able to progress towards something which is more satisfactory for you both.
You say
It’s great that you feel that way as long as you bear in mind that most people have some hard limits and with those their interest is not zero, it is negative - they are a turn-off or make them feel very uncomfortable. Hard limits can change but they are not things someone can overcome only in order to satisfy their partner.
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@Brann.Rose I just ran across your hello post . Welcome and hello . Communication is key , along with compromise . My fantasies have changed many times over the years , some have been fulfilled and others likely never will . The best part of an unfulfilled fantasy is is is fuel for the fire . I am getting old and the chances of me getting to preform many of my fantasies is near zero , that’s OK . Remember , your largest sex organ is your brain !
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Hi @Brann.Rose
It’s great to hear your thoughts and feelings expressed so openly. Thanks for sharing!
In a loving relationship there’s often a mix of great friendship, romance, intimacy, closeness, and lust, that all add to the magic. Closing down in one area can affect other parts of the relationship.
I know now that when I learned to open up and talk about my sexual desires with my wife, and show my thoughts and vulnerabilities, our relationship grew stronger.
I’m picking up some great points of self awareness from your writing, about the nuances of your desires, such as real vs. fantasy, heteronormative vs. other, etc.
It‘s perfectly possible, in my opinion, to identify as homosexual, bi-curious, pansexual, or whatever, and yet be strongly hetero-romantic, for example.
I also consider it okay for adults to play out sexual expression that‘s far removed, even the polar opposite from who you are and who you wish to be day-to-day, whether this is in a roleplay or bdsm scenario. It‘s perfectly common for people in positions of high responsibility and control in their everyday lives, for instance, to wish to temporarily relinquish their power and control during a time-limited BDSM play session. This has to be held in balance with their need to take on the responsibilities of a High Court judge, parent, CEO, teacher, or whatever.
This balance is of course much easier after you determine the boundaries of what you are both willing and not willing to try out.
Perhaps using an app like MojoUpgrade together, or downloading a BDSM contract (don’t worry, it’s in no way an actual contract!) could be useful as a tool to open up conversations and explore your attitudes to various sexual boundaries. Some of the questions this brings up can be a lot of fun to talk about!
The fact that you‘ve shared your sexual desires and fantasies with your wife, and had some positive reassurance is awesome.
I hope you can both continue to talk these ideas through with open minds and hearts, and conspire together to find routes to more happy and fulfilling adventures.
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