On My Mind

So I am in a bit of a quandary here with the weekend upcoming.

We are having a couple and their 2 kids stay with us on Saturday night. We have been friends with this couple for many years and have travelled to a 5-day hot holiday with them a few years ago where some of the issues you will read about shortly all started.

The problem here is that she is one of my deepest secret fantasies. She is extremely flirty and outgoing and had a reputation of f#cking anything in sight. She is a pretty gal with a ton of spunk but also a mom to 2 little girls and a family friend. Her marriage isn’t going so well and she has been texting me directly as opposed to group chat with my wife included as they are friends as well.

The problem is that her marriage isn’t fantastic and she seems to be hinting at a little side action. If I weren’t married and she wasn’t either, I think it would be a no-brainer. However, these flirty texts and now them coming to stay with us has me a little on edge that she may try something while we are together. My wife has no idea and I have always played it cool with this girl even though she is an outlet of my imagination in solo sessions. (They usually include lingerie and anal if you must know…lol)

I have no plans on cheating nor to even entertain the idea of her advances. However, you could imagine how I am feeling when everything I have fantasized about is sleeping in the next room and likely sharing drinks and a hot tub with us all weekend.

I think this will be chalked up to a definite “no go” for both of us, but it is on my mind as the weekend approaches and she is texting saying how excited she is to be with us. Huge temptation, huge risk and even greater loss for both of us if something stupid were to happen.

Has anyone had a similar experience? How do you handle it if she has been drinking and makes a move? I’m scared this will be a bad scenario but I also don’t want to raise any concerns nor take the blame if shit goes down. I’m terrible at keeping secrets and am doing everything I can to prepare mentally for “what if’s”. I guess I will see what happens but am a little scared of what she may do either in secret or worse yet in front of my wife or her husband if she wants out of her marriage and is a little drunk.

My “parallel-universe-fantasy-brain” wants her to blow me in the hot tub when everyone is in bed… the real me won’t likely to be able to make eye contact all weekend as I may be making this entire scenario up in my mind…

Worried and looking for some advice…


I’ve never had this happen before. If she is making you uncomfortable though you should tell her. Watch your actions this weekend so that you don’t end up in a situation where you two are alone. Best of luck :crossed_fingers:


Make it very clear now to fantasy woman that you at least are happily married and have no intention of cheating on your wife…

Then tell your wife. You say you’re no good at keeping secrets so don’t, though I probably wouldn’t mention that she’s been a fantasy of yours for a long time.


I just texted her husband saying that I was looking forward to them coming this weekend. Also mentioned that there are about 4 sports games on this weekend for local teams and that we would have a great guys weekend and the girls can do what they want.

I need to insulate myself from her (and my own brain). Best way to do that is never leave her husband’s side. She is very sexual so I won’t be surprised if she tries something in front of all of us just to get my attention and to get our mates jealous. I’m dreading this a bit but don’t think I have the heart to talk to my OH about her before they come. I don’t want to ruin her weekend…

I will just do what I can to hide from her and then talk to my wife after they leave. I am a big chicken and my wife is the jealous type so I don’t want to make her uncomfortable - just have some fun.

What does your wife say about the flirty texts? Harmless fun or is she a little defensive?

Good strategy spending more time with the husband, but I would also be inclined to eliminate any alone time with her. Make sure your wife or her husband are around, especially if alcohol and a hot tub is involved!

Wife doesn’t know about anything. Gonna try and keep it that way for the next week. I will bring it up after they leave. I will be careful… stupid brain!

Spill all to the wife minus your fantasies - just say you know she’s having some marital issues and she’s been texting you very flirty and it’s making you uncomfy. Explain your worries that she will attention seek and throw herself at you and worst come to worst suggest a foursome? Lol sort of kidding…

But just tell your wife the truth minus the contents of your mind

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Now that would be something. She is married to a big black dude that I could never compete with…LOL! I would love to see the look on my wife’s face when he would spring that on her! Oh my…my mind is running away again. Thanks @ThirtySomethingWife you got me thinking instead of dreading.

Reality check for sure! I will let you know how it goes… I have a few more days to worry about it. I haven’t replied to her last text but texted her husband instead. See if she continues or let’s it go…

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I’m inclined to say mention something to your wife, it’s up to you how much, but at least the basics because if she does try anything, at least your wife will know you were upfront with her and it’s nothing on your side.


The idea of spending more time with the husband is a great idea but I think you should tell your wife some details of your concerns. At least then the two of you can work together so that her opportunities never come up.

It could all be a set up…be careful.

It could be an idea of theirs to swop this weekend and the wife is the one to see if you’re up for it…it could be that their marriage needs spicing up and want to try this.

Keep your wits about you whatever happens.

Good Luck


I love your open mind @CurvyJilly I had not thought of that idea, that really would be a different outcome.


Think the best thing you can do is be logical in thinking and possibly talk to your wife about these concerns so she can support you in this and be made aware you might feel a tad uncomfortable.
Know it’s an awkward thing to open on but better to air it out


Hi @valbowski77 can I ask if you have said anything in these “private chats” your wife wouldn’t be happy about?

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Nope @Mrs.John - I have kept it very up and on the level. I see why you are asking as this could all blow up in my face as something I have precipitated, but that is 100% not the case, and I feel great about how I have handled it. This girl is about 10 years younger than both of us and as mentioned we have been friends for awhile.

We did do a trip together (just couples) and since it was a beach holiday there was some shenanigans (nudity, etc.) but no one did anything to cross the line or swap mates or cheat - just silly fun.

My brain may be blowing this out of proportion but I just wanted to see if this has happened to anyone else. @CurvyJilly I highly doubt that is the case but if I were my wife, I’d want to see what he was packing as well! I doubt there is any swap plans as my wife is super prudish especially talking sex or doing anything out of “vanilla” sexually. She’s better behind closed doors but doesn’t talk about it openly with others at all. I gather all girls talk about it in private but my wife is a pretty jealous gal so not a fan of any ideas of sharing or cheating.

As mentioned, the “fantasy” side of me is all about meeting in the basement for a middle of the night rendezvous, but this is not reality nor do I want it to be. Too much to lose…

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@valbowski77 just checking before I gave my advice.
My Husband is a good looking guy who is really friendly, over the years a couple of ladies have in old fashioned terms “made a pass at him”.
My friend, his friend, work colleagues (male and female) you get the picture.
He has always told me, I have been upset, angry or indifferent depending on the situation but always glad he told me. Honesty builds trust like nothing else.
I think I would say something to her maybe just - “I’m not sure how happy Mrs X is with Mr X? She has said a few things I think are a bit off!”
Conversation may come as a result.


So why has she got your number if you knew she was being overly flirty?

Surely she would just message your wife? I know I wouldn’t have given my friends husband my number and wouldn’t message him in secret in case it all blew up with saved messages down the line…

Good Luck with the situation

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We are all friends and have been for awhile (probably 10 years). She has looked after our kids and us her kids. It’s not out of the ordinary for us to text each other. Her husband has helped us remodel some of our house and my wife texts him directly. We went camping this year together and I have sat around the campfire with her just the two of us and talked.

There is a lot of trust there but I feel that they have drifted apart and that she is looking for an outlet. Just all seems awkward since ironically she is in my mind long before she started being flirty. Again, not planning anything crazy but I appreciate your advise, that’s why I asked. I will have a conversation with my wife on what I see and if she downplays it, all the better.

Guess we will see what happens

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Personally i would tell your wife, i would be mortified if something went down and then found out there was events leading up to it.

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Interesting situation you have coming up!
Not a situation I’ve been in thankfully.
Of course this lady being an object of your fantasies, may be altering your perception around the messages and situation in general. You may be worrying about nothing.
It sounds like there is a lot of real temptation there and not sure you have actually ruled it out if the option presented itself (which may also be a reason for not telling your wife)- her messages along with your imagination might be fueling things a lot more. Of course the idea of those fantasies becoming real in some way is very alluring, unfortunately reality can be very different. Sounds like you have recognized this at least, and now caught with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other :slight_smile:
As it is, you’re already keeping a secret anyway by not telling the wife about the messages. I’d suggest by that the wife would not be happy with the tone and/or content of them? Of course, if you told the wife, then the fantasy of something happening would be blown.

All you can do is be honest with yourself - if temptation is likely, then yes, take all steps to avoid being left alone. Just have to convince yourself that no matter what, it is not an option, and have an idea how you might manage any discrete advances - such as a wandering hand in the hot tub etc.,
People, places and things - cannot control those, only our own behavior and reactions to what others do.
Good luck, and hope things work out for the best, whatever that may be.

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