In order for your partner to want to try anything new with you she will need to be fully comfortable with the idea and to trust you. Never try to persuade her to do anything she is not comfortable with.

You have listed three separate issues;
1. Your partner doesn’t like going down on you
2. Your partner doesn’t like you going down on her
3. Your partner doesn’t like to be involved in a 69

1 Your partner going down on you.

Cleanliness is of ultimate importance.
If she ever tastes gritty urine crystals or smells sweat dried on you she will never want to repeat the experience.

Starting the love making session with a bath or shower together is a reassuring way to initiate sex play.

What you eat in the day or two before can also have an effect on the way your skin tastes so no garlic, chilli or curry in the preceding few days. (Even if she loves a vindaloo she won’t want to taste it second hand.)

Pubes and stubble can be very off putting.
Trim and comb out any loose pubes you may have or remove them altogether. (Don’t shave your pubes; wax or use depilatory creams as sharp stubble on your genitals is far worse than well kept pubes.)

If she thinks she is good at something she is more likely to want to do it again so praise any effort she makes at giving you head and tell her how great it feels. At a later stage this will also help you tell her it would feel even better if she did more of whatever you like best.

Introducing the idea of having oral sex in different places might intrigue her it also may facilitate her comfort. If she tries going down on you while you are standing and she is sitting or kneeling in front of you she will naturally be in the best position however if you are both lying down it is difficult to be in the best position and support her own head.

I’m sure no one needs to say; never hold her hair, the back of her head or her neck when you are in her mouth. Warn her when you are close to cuming in case she doesn’t want you to cum in her mouth. If she carries on after you have warned her you are likely to cum in her mouth, it is safe to assume she would like you to, but still warn her again when you are actually going to cum so she can prepare herself. When she is giving you head she must be in control.

2 Your partner doesn’t like you going down on her

She will need to feel comfortable with herself to enjoy this.
If she is worried she might taste sweaty or dirty she will never relax and enjoy the experience.

Once again a bath or shower together can be a great way of starting to relax and play together.

Some women are uncomfortable because they think they are ugly down there, or that they taste unpleasant. You need to constantly reassure her that you love the way she looks and tastes.

Stubble can be painful.
If you intend to go down on her ensure your chin is as smooth as a baby’s bottom.

Take it slowly, don’t overdo it.
Using your tongue and the constant wetting and drying effect can make a woman very sore and detract from the available lubrication making penetration sore after oral. Using flavoured lubricants can help with this problem and alleviate concerns about how she tastes.

(Learning through Porn
Seeing other people perform oral sex in porn may help her relax and therefore more inclined to try it herself.

Watching other people giving head can also show you different techniques which she may want you to try. Always be guided by what she wants to do and never force any ideas on her.)

Using your fingers or a toy at the same time
Direct application of the tongue to the clitoris can be unpleasantly over stimulating.

Try holding her clitoral hood between two fingers, not pinching but enclosing and then stroke your tongue all the way up and down from her perineum up to her clitoral hood but using your fingers to protect and 'hug' her clitoris. Long steady strokes of the tongue are much easier to deal with than frantic licking.

If she is already comfortable with toys you can use her favourite vibrator to bring her to orgasm while helping to lubricate her using your mouth. If she likes using vibrators this may help her to learn to enjoy oral sex. (Assuming she wants to learn to enjoy oral sex.)

You don’t need an orgasm to enjoy sex.
Try not to be goal orientated, giving her pleasure and getting her to enjoy oral sex is far more important than bringing her to orgasm during oral sex. And in the long term is far more likely to result in her being able to orgasm during oral sex.

3 Your partner doesn’t like to be involved in a 69

Your partner will need to be fully comfortable with both giving and receiving head separately before you can consider involving her in a 69.

A woman can feel very enclosed, restricted and even suffocated in the 69 position so it is important to start with either you giving her head or her going down on you. If and when you manage to build up to 69 she should be the one on top, in control and able to stop whenever she wants to.

thanx for help will give it a go.i gather you are a experienced woman with the info you have given me!!

It sounds like Debora Cheri it right - is it possible your girl might have had a bad experience in the past? It does take some women a long time to relax and feel comfortable with their bodies and to appreciate that she looks beautiful to you.... plenty of compliments might work wonders!

Hi I have the opposite problem to you my hubby refuses to give oral to me. I give to him and enjoy it but he has never gone down on me. I have never been with anyone else and never had oral and feel i am really missing out. In fact I would like to try lots of things but he isn't interested. I have a higher sex drive than him and Ive learnt to shut up and put up but it's very hard. Any ideas on how to help our sex life???

P.s He doesn't like blue movies, after 14 years he's only just begining to explore me a bit with my prompting:-(

by the sounds of it your guy is all take take take and no give give give,hes gonna lose you or by the sound of it he already has.sounds like the end to me,warn him and if he doesnt change leave him.there will be plenty of guys out there wanting a decent blowjob and def wanting to return the favour to you!!!!!!!! GO LAY BACK SPREAD EM AND LEt THE GUYS GO MUFF DIVING..........ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi he hasn't lost me yet, I suppose I am patient and not having been with anyone else I have nothing to compare to. I am also overweight and don't feel at all attractive so Im unlikely to find anyone else anyway.

He just doesn't see sex as important and I can't talk to him about it that easily.

well if he also thinks you are overweight then hes not the one for you,he should try to make you feel happy about yourself and give you you own any sex toys? if not then buy one that interests you and have fun when and where you want and then your fella can become redundant,my partner (nip and touch) who is on this site had no confidence about sex or her body and now shes posted a naked pic of herself on ere and sex is getting better all the time

if that is what he tinks of u take a good look at him. he'S not the one for u. "HE SOUND'S LIKE A PIG" buy a toy and make him redundant. then he will see what he is missing out on. and yes you wiil find someone who will love you for who you r. good luck.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Priesty, honey, please dont feel that you are unattractive or likely to find anyone else. I am absolutely sure that this is not true. Find a time when your husband is relaxed (away from the bedroom) and gently talk to him about what you both enjoy in bed already. Then you could ask if there is anything else he would like and suggest a couple of new ideas to try eg more oral. Start gently and build up to more, but try not to nag (hard I know!!) Tell him how you feel about him. Good luck :)

Thanks for the advice guys, I will try and talk to him and then decide what i need to do. i'll keep you informed.


GOOD LUCK.xxxxxxxxxxx

hey, im not too keen on giving oral, my fiance keeps wanting me to but i always back away from the idea. i always feel like im suffercating and it sometimes makes me feel sick and i have to stop giving him head. he says im good at it but it doesnt build my confidence at all.
what can i do to build my confidence up?

Bad girl: It's always hard to do something that you don't enjoy, so we need to find you a way/method that makes it pleasurable you. It think you also need to be turned on, so how about a 69 position or using a vibrator on yourself, or even in front of a mirror if that would turn you on?

If you don't like him deep inside (I don't either) lick and kiss his cock instead. Suck just on the head. Use your hands on the shaft to stimulate him instead of your mouth.

Also he needs to be clean and nice smelling as otherwise euw! Take a shower together is pretty hot and might make you feel less sick?

I'm going to refer you to Cherrie's blog, as on Friday's she's doing a series on fellatio and her advice and experience are second to none!

Actually, I should add that Cherrie's blog has explicit images and text (but how can you talk about sex otherwise?!)

just b u and take your time. tell him u need time he well if he love's u. don't rush. give him a good wank b4hand. he will love it. play with yourself that will turn him on. allways take your time. it's all in the trust. make out together. that will his mind of it. good luck .xxx

@ badgirl

Sounds to me from what you say that most of the problem is fear or discomfort from having a large object in your mouth. You mentioned the word suffocate.

Your discomfort is a natural reaction, but one that you can overcome. Don't forget that even with your mouth full of cock, you can still breathe through your nose. I know what you are going through because a previous girlfriend had the same problem with me (my cock is quite thick and was a real stretch for her to get it inside her mouth) Anyway, she got over her fear by using dildos. She's suck on them in her own time, going slowly and getting used to the feeling of it inside her mouth. She'd do it alone each day and was in total control. After getting used to a small dildo she got a fatter one. In the end she was totally fine and ended up being a real convert - she couldn't get enough of my penis, and was always keen to take as much inside her as she possibly could! It's all just practice and overcoming your reservations.

I can say all this from personal experience too - as a bi bloke I do know what it's like to have a large and real penis inside my mouth :-) One tip though - even if you are breathing through your nose whilst you give head, don't try kneeling in the shower and doing it for your guy - the water will run down his cock and up your nose! That's the only time it gets hard to breathe whilst sucking a guy. Been there, done that.

i do have a fear of objects in my mouth, its the same when i go to the dentist lol. im just worried i wont be able to over come it.
i think it's a good idea to try dildos to help me enjoy it more and to over come my fear.
i certainly will not be trying it in the shower lol.
i will let you all know how i get on....thanx all

Yeah, I'd be interested to know how you do!

I also just had a thought - an inflatable dildo might be good for you to practice on seeing as you can make it wider / thinner as you wish whilst being in full control. Plus it isn't so hard and unyielding.

I enjoy using this one:

MAybe there is an underlying reason why he doesn't want to go down on you. Maybe it would be a good idea to sit down and talk away from the bedroom and discuss the issues and try to resolve them.