My wife and I often mutually masturbate. We usually start this way and they go into other foreplay or sex. Often we just make ourselves orgasms next to each other whilst kissing.
I asked my wife if when she is masturbating, is she imagining something or is she focusing on the sensations.
She replied a bit of bother, but she does think about stuff. I asked what as I was intrigued and also thought it would be a turn on to find out.
She got embarrassed and I assured her it was a safe space, no judgement.
She admitted it was depraved and that it was usually old dirty men going down on her and having sex.
I had no issue with this. It doesn’t offend me and I’m secure enough to understand fantasies when masturbating are just that.
In truth, it turned me on to hear her say it and I’m hoping she will tell me more. I want her to open up a bit.
Does anyone have any advice on how to approach that?
Also, curious to know if anyone else has had this conversation?
I have tried many times over the years to crack into her skull and find out what she is thinking about when she masturbates but she has shared very little. I have seen the porn she likes and its pretty wild.
I have no advice because I have been a complete failure at getting her to open up.
Don’t leave us hanging…what has she been watching?
I remember seeing my wife’s browsing history back in the day. Usually Daddy, domination searches. One was Brunette which threw me. She is a brunette so maybe she liked to imagine it was her. I didn’t feel like I should ask.
Just for what it’s worth, I know we both wouldn’t explore any of this and would definitely never go outside of the marriage. I wouldn’t want to and I know she wouldn’t.
I’m chats before, where there was little detail discussed, we’ve both said that fantasies are just that.
I would just like to hear her talk about it or describe it to me if we were mutually masturbating again. Same goes for me.
I often imagine us being watched or part of an orgy.
Again, zero desire to explore that.
I just want to open dialogue with her as she does have a kinky side. Just doesn’t show it often.
I’d agree. We’ve tried a bit of CNC role play and OH absolutely loved it. We agreed boundaries and the all important safe words but other than that it was game on.
She got in from work one evening and I literally grabbed her and took her upstairs, before literally ripping her clothes off and using her stockings to tie her up.
She said afterwards she didn’t expect it to be quite so extreme - I didn’t even ask if what she was wearing was deemed “expendable” but she didn’t mind and reckoned it was a massive thrill.
@Cucumbershanty Consensual non consent, pre arranged consent for non consensual play. Requires good communication between partners and safe words if it goes to far.
Basically do what ever you want to me even if i say no kind of play, sometimes refered to as ra*e play.
Just to follow on what @Holly_Love said, CNC is a popular subset of BDSM, often seen as a more “advanced” activity. It takes a lot of trust and pre-arrangement, checklists, discussion about hard limits, even down to things like words or activities that might be triggering. It can involve things like kidnap/rape play though for me personally it’s more about being subjected to a “non-consensual” kinky “experiments”… aaanyway.
I’ve tried to get into hubby’s fantasies before but he insists he doesn’t have them and he is an open book. I think I’ve started to crack something recently, a kind of hotwife fantasy, and I say this because a few times Open Houose: The Great Sex Experiment has been on he’s put it on, but he insists he wouldn’t want to take part in it. I sort of read between the lines a little bit because not wanting to be on the show, as I’m sure you can understand, is not the same as not being open to ethical non-monogamy. Also, I’ve hinted once or twice to him sharing me and he definitely liked the idea. So I think communication is key, but don’t force her and keep being a safe space for her to talk. You’re doing the right thing
Also to add, I totally share your wife’s age gap fantasy. My first sexual esperience was an 18-year age gap (18 & 36) and he was still undoubtedly the best oral I’ve ever had, namely because there was no relationship in it, it was just carnal need. Since then the age gap fantasy has come up quite a bit but I think it’s part still feeling desired and part wanting to offer myself as a kind of service,. Of course, that would be the submissive in me talking. All just ancedotes to take away anyway, I hope some of it helps
Just be patient and tell her this is a safe non judgemental space. Maybe give her time to process it or get her to read it down in case she doesn’t like verbally taking about it.
As I’ve mentioned before, my wife hasn’t acknowledged that she fantasizes about anything other than us, and that may be true. Maybe she’ll open up one day, I’m sure not afraid to share mine with her.
