Hi everyone im after a bit of advice! My OH has recently been enjoying me exploring his anus and i would like to try pegging! However right now he seems embarassed at the fact he enjoys a stray finger up there during sex (he loves it) I've tried to talk to him but he just gets so embarassed even though a finger in there makes him rock hard and i know he would love pegging! We have been together 15 years and always been so open sexually but this issue always seems to make a barrier! Any advice???
what does he say when you try to talk to him about it?
He gets embarassed really and says he doesn't know why he likes it its like he is ashamed? I have no problem playing with his ass if it gives him pleasure - he is my husband and i adore him! But he seems to be very defensive when i talk about anal play
Have you engaged in anal play with him much or for long? If its new, he may still be adjusting to it.
For men, I think it really comes down to being "un-manly" or "gay" to enjoy anal play, much stigma attached to men enjoying it on themselves (irrespective of the fact that many men fantasize about anal play on their female partner).
Pegging may be a step too far, too soon?
I think all you can do is continue to talk to him, reassure him of your love and respect regardless of what pleases him in the bedroom. Remind him that as you don't have a penis, its not gay at all. You could even push furhter saying how turned on you get knowing how much he enjoys it.
Its ok not to know why you like something, if he likes it, you like doing it why analyse it? (no pun intended with that word :))
Get a small Slim vibrator "for yourself" give him a back massage with plenty of oil work down to his bum get plenty of oil between his bum cheeks and I'm his hole then introduce the vibrator. Then once you have done that a few times introduce him to a small Slim butt plug and take it from there just remember plenty of lube
Horny-devils wrote:
Get a small Slim vibrator "for yourself" give him a back massage with plenty of oil work down to his bum get plenty of oil between his bum cheeks and I'm his hole then introduce the vibrator. Then once you have done that a few times introduce him to a small Slim butt plug and take it from there just remember plenty of lube
If you are going to do this make sure the vibrator has a flared base so it doesn’t end up getting sucked in. That would not help!
It isn’t uncommon for people to feel embarrassed about enjoying anal. It’s still quite taboo and seen as “wrong” or “dirty” by some which can affect people. Have him read through some of the pegging threads on here. Once he realises that it’s normal for people to enjoy it and that there’s nothing wrong with it he may begin to open up more and communicate.
There is a big vulnerability aspect in it, I love anal and I’m open about it with my partner but I still feel some apprehension about it with her, sort of an embarrassment thing. I don’t think it’s necessarily a gay vs. straight thing.
I think the key is to normalize it by regular activity and progress slowly, rimming, fingers, and maybe a buttplug during sex or oral is a good place to start. When you are both comfortable with that as a normal thing to do then you can expand on the play. For those kinds of things you can take the lead, don’t make it a question of if he wants you to do, if he likes it just do it(you wouldn’t ask if t was ok before giving oral, as long as he is globally willing then just incorporate it naturally).
One of the ways that my partner have expanded together is through bdsm role play, she is naturally more submissive in the bedroom but it is a lot of fun to reverse those roles and being tied up and giving that power away is really exciting. It also gives you carte blanche to pleasure him how you see fit, which is a great opportunity to introduce him to more anal stimulation. Try getting a blindfold and putting him on his knees tied up, you have access to all his erogenous equipment and can sort of work him up to an extreme level of stimulation with your hands and some toys.
If/when you progress to dildos (since pegging is a goal of yours) start slow and get something relatively small and start the thrusting play slowly, if you are the giver he needs to learn how to control his sphincter muscles. It can be a bit awkward at first because consciously relaxing the muscles feels basically the same as trying to have a bowel movement at first. With time though it doesn’t. With some practice and some training, he can consciously relax his muscles on the in thrust and contract on the way out for some amazing sensations.
Recieving anal for the male is just not openly considered normal but I’d guess it is far more common than acknowledged and it feels amazing when you put the work in to really train the brain to recognize those sensations!
I’m sure he will come around to the idea when he is ready. That saying sometimes the best experiences are not built up by too much talking beforehand. Explore the idea. He hasn’t said no he is just embarrassed.
So I agree with a previous comment about the massage and anal teasing with some anal toys. Get him in the mood, sometimes talking too much can ruin the thought about it, as they can become anxious and nervous about something that they would just do if the mood is right.
Just my thoughts
Much love T
I was a bit unsure about it at first too. But the OH had been hinting quite heavily so I let her use a finger and loved it . Next time she gave me a BJ and put a finger in it felt so good then when she asked if she could use a second finger i didn't think I just said yes. Before I knew it the sensation of her fingers going in and out was so good that when she's suggested using a toy i couldn't say no.
Maybe just get him used to the feeling, and instead of talking in depth when he doesn't want to talk about it, just gradually see if he's willing to go further when you're having a play down there. I'm sure if he's enjoying it he'll let you know
Tha ks for all of your comments they are really really helpful - we have been engaging in anal play for a few months so i think i need to slow down, explore it more and play around with anal play more. We are both always very open when we talk about what we want sexually and it would be a massive turn on for me. I think with time we will eventually venture there and these comments will certainly help.
He happened to mention the fact we use sex toys a lot as part of our sex life and his mates made a bit of a joke saying isn't he enough for me so i think its knocked his confidence. My reply was our sex life is great without but its like taking a multi vitamin just gives an extra boost!!! We both enjoy and if anything they are missing out :)
I think time and patience and we will explore it much more.
Clearly his mate who made that comment has never explored the fun of sex toys.
My wife and I switched from me just giving her anal to the other way around and it was me who wanted to try it out. I had to pluck some courage up asking her to use a dildo and then strap ons but we both do genuinely love it and I love her fisting me.
As good as mates may be I would never tell them any of our intimate details.
Some of the best sex ever.
Yeah i think the more we explore the more we are incorporating sex toys into our sex life and its never been better and we are so much closer now as a couple. It started off with something small to get us back into sex after a dry patch and now the collection grows continuously!