so hi guys im a straight man happily married and have an ok sex life, but i would like to try pegging with my wife, just thinking about her fucking me analy turns me the fuck on, iv eactually cum in my boxers before just thinking about it so yeah.
but i dont really know how to ask her i kinda been hinting it by leaving the stap on page up on my PC and i hinted it a while back and she said whay would you want to do something gay men want and that kinda through me off, but all in all she never actually said no to the idea and then ive never asked either
so guys how can i go about it i would like to do this but at the same time i dont want her to question my sexuality either im straight and thats it i have no interest in men at all
Hi, okay first thing I have to ask is - have you used anal toys or had anal sex with her? She may understand that you would like to experience the feeling too if she likes it.
Secondly has she ever used fingers or toys on you before ? Maybe you could suggest that you might like to try this first, as a sort of gradual process.
Have you ever used any anal toys on yourself? Whilst pegging may sound exactly what you want to do straight away, in all honesty you need to find out if you really do like the feeling of something there.
If your wife does peg you, (this is from my experience) she will have no idea how it feels for you, if it is too rough, too quick, too big or whatever and it can hurt you. What sounds good in your mind/fantasies in reality may not meet your expectations.
I do understand your wife's questions upon your sexuality as I felt the same way and that is after me encouraging my husband to try some bum play as he was strictly against it. It is normal for men to want this though as that is where the p spot is (as my husband said - why put it there? Lol.
Anyway what I suggest is have a good chat with your wife, to set her mind at rest, without any pressure and start off slowly if she does decide she wouldn't mind giving you a bit of backdoor pleasure. I wouldn't be buying a strap on just yet and saying "hi honey, look what I've bought" and let her come around to the idea. She might really love it if she sees how much pleasure she can give you from playing with plugs, beads etc. You don't necessarily have to douche but ensure your bowels have been opened, you have had a good wash and you have lots of lube suited to the toys you are using. A good anal water based is a good all rounder.
Whatever you do don't force the issue and perhaps ask your wife if there is anything she would like to try as well as a conversation opener and to show that trying new things isn't going to be just about you and your needs and will make her more likely to listen to what you want.
Hi, okay first thing I have to ask is - have you used anal toys or had anal sex with her? She may understand that you would like to experience the feeling too if she likes it.
Secondly has she ever used fingers or toys on you before ? Maybe you could suggest that you might like to try this first, as a sort of gradual process.
Have you ever used any anal toys on yourself? Whilst pegging may sound exactly what you want to do straight away, in all honesty you need to find out if you really do like the feeling of something there.
If your wife does peg you, (this is from my experience) she will have no idea how it feels for you, if it is too rough, too quick, too big or whatever and it can hurt you.
What sounds good in your mind/fantasies in reality may not meet your expectations.
I do understand your wife's questions upon your sexuality as I felt the same way and that is after me encouraging my husband to try some bum play as he was strictly against it. It is normal for men to want this though as that is where the p spot is (as my husband said - why put it there? Lol.
Anyway what I suggest is have a good chat with your wife, to set her mind at rest, without any pressure and start off slowly if she does decide she wouldn't mind giving you a bit of backdoor pleasure. I wouldn't be buying a strap on just yet and saying "hi honey, look what I've bought" and let her come around to the idea. She might really love it if she sees how much pleasure she can give you from playing with plugs, beads etc.
You don't necessarily have to douche but ensure your bowels have been opened, you have had a good wash and you have lots of lube suited to the toys you are using. A good anal water based is a good all rounder.
Whatever you do don't force the issue and perhaps ask your wife if there is anything she would like to try as well as a conversation opener and to show that trying new things isn't going to be just about you and your needs and will make her more likely to listen to what you want.
I hope this helps
we have used toys on her and have had anal sex first time she didn't like it second time she did like it but now she says she don't like it so im not really sure how she really feels about it on her.
and me i have used toys on my self before so i know how it feels but she does nto knowo i have honestly kinda scared to tell her but ill have to at some point aye
I appreciate your worries and apprehension on sharing your own activities, explaining the curious desire, dispelling myths and worries isn't easy. From my own experience, our confusion on what we enjoy / dislike; observe as acceptable is shared equally by our OH. My biggest worry was; what if i enjoy it too much? (this was from both giving and recieving). We enjoy anal together and on a date night, we talked about our fantasies, my sharing role reversal and wanting to try receiving anal, was followed my OH sharing her desire to be spanked. l had explored anal with toys on my own, we had been enjoying anal together for a while, with and without toys; her reaction to my fantasy wasn't as expected, when home, we explored role reversal. It was really confusing, but with lots of talking, identifying pleasurable and uncomfortable sensations, (as we had done previously, when it was me giving), giving each other reassurance during and especially afterwards helps with feeling comfortable about enjoying this together. It may help caressing her anus and bottom during foreplay, without penetration to build confidence, listening to instructions, moans of disappointment etc.
I offer the way forward is patience, with no pressure and lots of pillow talk and cuddles
From my point of view sometimes I feel like anal and other times I don't. It's about how I feel at the time, more specifically how horny I am. It is still early days for her given it has only happened twice.
I'm unsure whether you should tell her you have used toys on yourself. It would get it out in the open that's for sure. You know her better than us with your decision on that. I think if it was my husband I would be happy that he told me but you could say you've put your finger up there for experimental purposes and found that you quite liked it and would like to explore it further and judge her reaction.
that is really hard for me to get out of her she is very closed and stuff like sex im not so sure why but there is reasons it took her 5 years to tell em she likes some bondage.
i have asked her what else she likes but she says nothing so maybe ther eis nothing or mayeb there is a deep dark secret who knows but there is no use forcing it out of her she want to tell me she can if not then sure
There is another thread 'considering anal' not sure it will help though. It could be her upbringing that prevents her being able to openly talk about sex, i know my upbringing has given boudaries that i have had to challenge sexually. It is a more open subject generally today compared to 20 years ago.
She maybe uncomfortable / embarrassed about disclosing new things to try, not suggesting new things prevents being humiliated / the awkward silence from what has just been said; as Lil_Red_Kinkyboots has said you know her better than we do, keep an open mind, be understanding and supportive, it is a deepening bond that you are aimimg for (that comes from some of the books) when you do get to talk
It may help to mix this in with the bondage, reading her body language, going slowly / gently to help her / you both feel emotionally secure and safe in what you're doing together.
Would it help to have date night? A quiet night at home, a night away, a theatre break, relaxing bath, nice underwear, a little bit of extra pampering, then letting the night take its course without expecting too much, let her take control of those activities.
I finally managed to grow some balls last night and asked my wife if it was something she would ever try. It was pretty much a firm NO.
I managed to steer the conversation round to the idea of traditional anal sex (she's never gonna let me go there) and my love of a prostate massager. Then just asked her if pegging was something she would give a shot! I chickened out at explaining what pegging actually was and told he she would be better of googling it. It took about 30 seconds for her to find the info and make her decision. The longest 30 seconds of my life. I now know how people on the xfactor feel waiting for the results of a vote.
Even though she said no I'm still glad I asked her as there could have been a 1% chance she would have said yes!
Phelps - I am not trying to build your hopes up but .... I said no to MrKB when he mentioned it, but then I found myself wondering about it. I am a try anything once kind of lady though. A month or so after a strap on came on offer and I got MrKB to get it and yes I have used it.
Your Oh could change her mind and if she's anything like me, once the initial shock passes, she may get curious about it.
I'm glad I found out I love pegging BEFORE getting into a serious relationship, because it would be easier to avoid getting engaged to a woman who'd totally refuse to do it or call me gay. Well, I could live without it, but it's so much better with it, right ?
First thing : pegging doesn't make you gay. Gay men practice anal because they kinda don't have another choice, and some don't even like anal anyway.
With that logic, every woman loving oral sex would be a lesbian, because that's what lesbians do, right ? You can use that kind of arguments to prove how stupid it is to think anal sex is gay. It's just physical pleasure, nothing else.
Then I guess most people would be disgusted by the idea of anal because in their mind, it's dirty and full of sh!t. Honestly I thought that too some years ago, but after watching anal porn I saw how clean the actresses were and discovered that you could clean your butt so well, it has no smell and no taste left.
So maybe showing some good anal porn to your beloved to show her how clean and fun anal can be would be a good start ?
If she can't take a conversation about sex seriously then there is no hope. Anal ( annd fu sex in general ) is for people with an open mind, eager to discover their kinks.
Phelps - I am not trying to build your hopes up but .... I said no to MrKB when he mentioned it, but then I found myself wondering about it. I am a try anything once kind of lady though. A month or so after a strap on came on offer and I got MrKB to get it and yes I have used it.
Your Oh could change her mind and if she's anything like me, once the initial shock passes, she may get curious about it.
I would love that to be the case but I don't think she's gonna budge. Anything else that I've suggested in the past that has been shot down has stayed that way.
Is it that she doesn't want to be wearing the strapon. If so you could try alternatives like a thigh one or a suction cup on the shower wall so she still gets to play.
It may just be that it is all about you rather than her. If so you could consider a bargain in her favour. 5 of what she likes if she would give it a go.
As the others all said, you need to talk openly about why you would like to try it and why she would not.
Phelps - I think there was a big issue with your approach in the fact that, at the critical moment, you could not actually tell her what pegging was. You can hardly expect her to see it as a reasonable request if you can't even bring yourself to describe it!
I'm also curious about the comment you made about a prostate massager. You don't say how long you have been using the prostate massager and whether this is something you include in sex with your partner or as a solo thing. I can see how, if the prostate massage is not something she is involved in she may see it as distracting from your mutual sex life and be to a degree resented. If she were positive about the massager I would have expected her to have researched prostate play enough to know what pegging was. The fact that she hadn't is certainly worth thinking about.
It seems that you both need to work on being able to discuss sex more comfortably between you.
Phelps - I think there was a big issue with your approach in the fact that, at the critical moment, you could not actually tell her what pegging was. You can hardly expect her to see it as a reasonable request if you can't even bring yourself to describe it!
I'm also curious about the comment you made about a prostate massager. You don't say how long you have been using the prostate massager and whether this is something you include in sex with your partner or as a solo thing. I can see how, if the prostate massage is not something she is involved in she may see it as distracting from your mutual sex life and be to a degree resented. If she were positive about the massager I would have expected her to have researched prostate play enough to know what pegging was. The fact that she hadn't is certainly worth thinking about.
It seems that you both need to work on being able to discuss sex more comfortably between you.
You may well have a very good point there. Maybe I should have actually been able to explain what I was suggesting.
I've been using a prostate massager for around a year and I do have them in while we are having sex. She has said before that she didn't want to use it on me but she's fine with me popping it in.
I think he main gripe with anal play is a cleanliness thing (I didn't tell her that I would be more than happy to douche). Maybe I'll give it some time for the dust to settle and then try having another chat about it.
I must say that with us it's me that fusses (a lot!) about the cleanliness thing (Mrs G, being a doctor is not much phased by any mess a human can create). Buying a douche and getting your pre-pegging routine sorted out is important as you need to be relaxed to receive and being clean and well lubed gives peace of mind to lie back and enjoy it. Maybe you could douche before using the prostate massager as a way of getting into the routine (and coincidentally signalling that you would do this for pegging without having to say anything).
If you have a search on this forum you will find loads of good info on pegging prep.