Hi. I'm 27 years old and i never had sex. Its not because of my bad look, but because of my low selfconfidence since high scool. Years were flying by and here we are. 27 You will probably say go out and find somebody, but the problem is also those thaughts that are taking all my will to live away. I cant deal with the facts that i lost 12 years of my live and havent experienced nothing. Not going out into the club with friends in young years and party, no kissing, no sex, no one night stands, relationship, travelling. Because of that i dont feel competitive to girls that i like and i feel all are much better then me, on higher level and i'm not good enough for them and all of the people, because i havent alived so much then others, was almost all the time at home and work.
Its terrible if i go into the shopping center and see in 2 hours hundreds of women with which i would like to have sex and i know i didnt have such interesting past as them. Those thoughts are eating me up every single day, all day. I was also at therapist, but didnt help. Also i take antidepressants. But nothing cant take away the facts, that i'm not on same level as those girls who are having sex since , were on so many parties and so on. For them its normal to have a penis in their hands or mouth, for me this is science fiction and somebody who is 12 years behind in my opinion can never again be same worth as person who alived all those things in normal years (18-24). Sex is the highest thing in live and if you dont have it you havent lived. Therefor i dont know what to do, because there is no way out to feel the same worth as those people anymore, that have normal sex live since their high school. To be honest, the best would be this life would be over and i could sleep forever, to not have this fact thoughts every day... i cant stand those panic attacs because of thinking how people have sex every day... :(
Just because you havent had sex doesnt mean that you havent lived. Smeone will come along and probably think your life has been very interesting, and think, so what if he hasnt had sex, or expierenced anything sexual. It will probably be something new for her & something very new for you so you can both have fun creating experiences together. I know alot of men who havnt had any sexual contact and theyre in their early 30's. What theyve done is said 'my time will come' & your time will come, just live in the now, dont think about your past or your future, live in the present. You're the only one who can relise your self confidence, and it is there somewhere, everyone has it deep down, to go out there and get what you want. You cant wait for it to come to you, you'll probably still feel like this in many years to come if you dont go out there and take what you want from life.
I'm older and haven't done much better. Some people will tell you to go and find a prostitute.
The best advice I can give you is not to let your lack of sexual experience control your life, try not to let it get to you when you hear others talk about their sex lives. Above all don't let it cause you trouble to you in other area of your life, you can still succeed in other areas. One other thing don't be too afraid of failure, Thomas Edison failed to make a light bulb 2000 times, we all know what happened on the 2001st time he tried.
Not trivalise your feelings my friend but it could be worse , you could be turkey..
http://gizmodo.com/thanksgiving-has-ruined-sex-for-turkeys-1472629233/@robertsorokanich
BTW (( why does not code automatically appear ?? ))
hc
If your shy and really want sex my advice is to go to south america were the women are very forward , carefree and in general just fun to be round.
I only had 4 very brief relationships myself ( 6 months being the longest ) and none of them with any one from the UK .
Dont think sex is the be all and end all just because its advertised so much ( remember sex sells ) , its very much just fix or addiction like anything else and in the end more damaging than you might think.
Sex will not give you self worth but love will , if you can find it within yourself instead of looking around trying to find it something , or someone else...
hc
Sex is not a big deal. Go out, meet people, have a few dates. If you meet a girl and she wants to have sex tell her you want to take it slow because you respect her. When your ready then you can tell her your not very experienced. There are lots of people on this site who have been waiting for the right person.
If the girl cannot accept that you are a virgin then she's not worth being with. Walk away and don't let it get you down.
A lot of women will actually love the thrill of teaching a man things in bed.... So it's not necessarily a negative thing!
In the mean time how about your buy some male toys such as a flesh lite or stroker.... Practice building up your stamina for when the real thing happens.
What ever you do..,, don't expect you first time to be amazing, 90% of the people I know will tell you it's pretty rubbish unless they lost there virginity to someone they care about. So my advise... Is to continue waiting and wait for that special person who you can trust, relax around and tell the truth too.
Good luck
My best advice is to get together with yourt friends and have them introduce you to people over a social evenin i.e. dinner or games night. They can help with conversation and promote you in a good light. With any luck things will go from there.
If the above is of no help have you considered a sex surrogate?
there is a documantary on 4 on demand at this link http://www.channel4.com/programmes/40-year-old-virgins/4od
It is really intresting and may be an option that you have not considerd trying.
I would consider myself to be a very sexually experienced woman, but do you know what comes with experience? The knowledge that, just because a man has had many sexual experiences, doesn't mean he is good in bed. What else comes with experience, well....
Knowing what we want. For me that is so much LESS about a mans sexual experience and a LOT LOT more to do with feeling a connection with him. See, experience is just experience. Did you know that men and women are so different in the bedroom? If I met a man who has slept with 1000 women, that does not always mean he is a stud who knows how to satisfy a woman....why? Because in my experience, it takes time to learn together as a couple. Sex gets better and better when you are with someone over a long time because you slowly let go of your shyness and insecurity when you are around each other and this means you can slowly start guiding each other in the best ways to please each other. One night stands, in my opinion, or not enjoyable because the man barely knows me. Therefore if a man thinks he is a stud because he has 100000 one night stands....I say...RUBBISH!
I have been sexual for many years now and I actually met a man, who was also 27 and a virgin. I had about 7 years of experience, but that did not put me off because I liked HIM as a person. He was sweet and kind and funny and we always had stuff to talk about. We were together a year and he lost his virginity to me. It was not rubbish! It was enjoyable for me too because it was so nice to feel that I was in bed with a man who chose me to be his first. I was honoured and it felt fantastic to be able to have that experience together.
See, most women do not care about your skills because do you know that each time we all start a new relationship, the sex just gets better over time because none of us know each others bodies at first. Even experienced people take time to figure out what their new partner likes. Maybe the last partner liked it slow and soft and the new partner likes it hard and fast. So we all learn together and this is why we do not care about your skills, because skills can be learnt over time together. We care most about how you make us feel. Loved and connected together.
But you must socialise to meet people. This is the only way, if you want to meet someone who could become your partner, rather than a prostitute or one night stand. You just have to be relaxed and be yourself and no, not every girl will like you, but there will be some who like you very much and that is how you begin to start something. This is probably not easy if you are shy or insecure, but if you face your fears slowly, and take baby steps, gradually building your confidence, it will come.
Fluffbags wrote:
I would consider myself to be a very sexually experienced woman, but do you know what comes with experience? The knowledge that, just because a man has had many sexual experiences, doesn't mean he is good in bed. What else comes with experience, well....
Knowing what we want. For me that is so much LESS about a mans sexual experience and a LOT LOT more to do with feeling a connection with him. See, experience is just experience. Did you know that men and women are so different in the bedroom? If I met a man who has slept with 1000 women, that does not always mean he is a stud who knows how to satisfy a woman....why? Because in my experience, it takes time to learn together as a couple. Sex gets better and better when you are with someone over a long time because you slowly let go of your shyness and insecurity when you are around each other and this means you can slowly start guiding each other in the best ways to please each other. One night stands, in my opinion, or not enjoyable because the man barely knows me. Therefore if a man thinks he is a stud because he has 100000 one night stands....I say...RUBBISH!
I have been sexual for many years now and I actually met a man, who was also 27 and a virgin. I had about 7 years of experience, but that did not put me off because I liked HIM as a person. He was sweet and kind and funny and we always had stuff to talk about. We were together a year and he lost his virginity to me. It was not rubbish! It was enjoyable for me too because it was so nice to feel that I was in bed with a man who chose me to be his first. I was honoured and it felt fantastic to be able to have that experience together.
See, most women do not care about your skills because do you know that each time we all start a new relationship, the sex just gets better over time because none of us know each others bodies at first. Even experienced people take time to figure out what their new partner likes. Maybe the last partner liked it slow and soft and the new partner likes it hard and fast. So we all learn together and this is why we do not care about your skills, because skills can be learnt over time together. We care most about how you make us feel. Loved and connected together.
But you must socialise to meet people. This is the only way, if you want to meet someone who could become your partner, rather than a prostitute or one night stand. You just have to be relaxed and be yourself and no, not every girl will like you, but there will be some who like you very much and that is how you begin to start something. This is probably not easy if you are shy or insecure, but if you face your fears slowly, and take baby steps, gradually building your confidence, it will come.
+1
Excellent, well thought out advice as usual.
Cat Lady wrote:
I sympathise with the original poster. I'm slightly older and have no clue how to find someone. I have difficulties finding people to socialise with and have no idea how to talk to guys, and I'm not really used to getting attention because I rarely get it. Plus I find there are lots of aspects of modern life that confuse or disinterest me which makes it difficult to socialise with people on a more general level i.e. I tend not to watch a lot of the big TV shows people talk about, don't care about music much and hate clubbing. (I always think of myself as a combination of Raj and Amy from The Big Bang Theory). I've tried dating sites but I am really worried about actually meeting someone for many reasons.
I understand this, but I also think if you believe everyone is so different, you kinda cut yourself out of the equation and miss things. I am a classic example:
I do not go clubbing, or watch any of the big TV shows. I like COUNTRY music and I still met my soulmate....on World of Warcraft! lol
Yup. I met my partner on the internet, through an interest we shared that probably a lot of "general" society might not be interested in. I wasn't really looking, we just grew close over time through a shared interest. We have been together just over 4 years now.
And we no longer play WOW ....we used to argue too much in raids pmsl!
Stiven, there is no point wishing for a better past, its not possible. Stop beating your self up, it achieves absolutely nothing. You're only 27 for Christs sake. Just resolve to do the best you can to change things. Do something about it now.
Ron Burgundy wrote:
Stiven, there is no point wishing for a better past, its not possible. Stop beating your self up, it achieves absolutely nothing. You're only 27 for Christs sake. Just resolve to do the best you can to change things. Do something about it now.
Agreed! If I had a pound for every time I read a post or blog from couples in their 30's/40's/50's and yep...60's who were saying things like "I was married for 30 years to a person I did not love and my sex life exploded in my late years and I am loving it now more than I ever did when I was in my 20's. Or "I had my first orgasm when I was 45" or "It was only when I reached 35 that I began to get the confidence to express what I desired and now it is going strong" well....I would be loaded.
I know that, while it might seem that you have been left behind right now, 27 is not that old at all, but like Ron says, you have to go out and make the effort to seek it (Not in a sleazy kind of way, but my mixing with people somehow) In this digital age, more and more couples are even meeting online (rather than forcing yourself out to a club) and I dunno about other people, but none of my relationships began with a person I met in a club. I met them through work, or through friends, or through the internet.
blonde vixen13 wrote:
Sex is not a big deal. Go out, meet people, have a few dates. If you meet a girl and she wants to have sex tell her you want to take it slow because you respect her. When your ready then you can tell her your not very experienced. There are lots of people on this site who have been waiting for the right person.
If the girl cannot accept that you are a virgin then she's not worth being with. Walk away and don't let it get you down.
A lot of women will actually love the thrill of teaching a man things in bed.... So it's not necessarily a negative thing!
In the mean time how about your buy some male toys such as a flesh lite or stroker.... Practice building up your stamina for when the real thing happens.
What ever you do..,, don't expect you first time to be amazing, 90% of the people I know will tell you it's pretty rubbish unless they lost there virginity to someone they care about. So my advise... Is to continue waiting and wait for that special person who you can trust, relax around and tell the truth too.
Good luck
I agree!
I was a couple of years younger than you when I first had sex, I regretted not being more sexually active at the time, now when I look back, I am pleased because it makes my relationship with my wife all the more special.
Try not to focus on wanting sex, make friends with girls first to get to know them and build relationships. Good sex comes out of good relationships, not the other way round.
Best of luck!
Cat Lady wrote:
I sympathise with the original poster. I'm slightly older and have no clue how to find someone. I have difficulties finding people to socialise with and have no idea how to talk to guys, and I'm not really used to getting attention because I rarely get it. Plus I find there are lots of aspects of modern life that confuse or disinterest me which makes it difficult to socialise with people on a more general level i.e. I tend not to watch a lot of the big TV shows people talk about, don't care about music much and hate clubbing. (I always think of myself as a combination of Raj and Amy from The Big Bang Theory). I've tried dating sites but I am really worried about actually meeting someone for many reasons.
Ive never hit or asked any one out in my life lol and like you had no desire to trawl round bars or pubs or sell myself out just to buy into some shitty lifestyle consisting binge drinking , sex and all the other glorious things 99% of people seem to be always focussed on in this island.We're no the most cultural people and it becomes evene more apparent when u travel and meet other folk who do actually have interests .
Personally it drives me BEEPIN nuts.. how many times can you get off puking your guts out or watching someone make an ass of themself drunk that is the stuff of deliquents yet adults do it here too
Id rather be skiing , playing tennis, rafiting or just chilling in some low key place with some music and big bong :)
hc