Relationship problems :-(

Hello,
I'm having massive problems in the bedroom. Me and my hubby been married since 2009 and I have gone all cold.on him when it comes to sex. I just can't get aroused any more I want it in my head but my body says no.....and now after a few years of not very nice sex I just don't want it anymore and its killing us.
I want my mojo back I'm quite experimental in the bedroom but he is not so much I tell him loads of times surprise me buy something for us but he doesn't 'know' what to buy I'm like I don't care just go for it. But nope nothing. He is the only guy I have slept with and its also hard that I cannot make him cum. He tells me it's just the way he is but it's kinda disheartening. I don't feel like I'm pleasing him enough. So I also feel like I'm doing something wrong. It's so frustrating. Argh!!!!

Skarta, I have been in a similar situation. I got to the stage where I couldn't be bothered with sex at all. I got little pleasure from it and was miserable. A lot was down to my depression and having to fit a love life round our children. I'm on medication for my depression which helps. Its only been the past year we are finally getting through it. I only made my first purchase with LoveHoney around a month ago but I honestly feel like our sex life has been saved.

We spoke about introducing toys to the bedroom but I'm such a private person even to my husband so it was tricky for me. He told me just to go for it and surprise him. We got a love egg, cock ties, a gspot vibrator, tingle balm, bondage tape and a massage candle. It was a random bunch but was good to experiment! We have since bought a wand, a make stroker attachment and a few other bits. For the first time in ages I actually feel comfortable talking about sex. We have been together for over a decade and I think we just lost touch with each other.

You're not alone in this. Just takes time. My biggest find was if I had sex I would want sex in a day or so again so we have certain days for it. Its for baby reasons but one is to keep it regular so the passion is there as well as our love for each other.

Skarta wrote:

Hello,
I'm having massive problems in the bedroom. Me and my hubby been married since 2009 and I have gone all cold.on him when it comes to sex. I just can't get aroused any more I want it in my head but my body says no.....and now after a few years of not very nice sex I just don't want it anymore and its killing us.
I want my mojo back I'm quite experimental in the bedroom but he is not so much I tell him loads of times surprise me buy something for us but he doesn't 'know' what to buy I'm like I don't care just go for it. But nope nothing. He is the only guy I have slept with and its also hard that I cannot make him cum. He tells me it's just the way he is but it's kinda disheartening. I don't feel like I'm pleasing him enough. So I also feel like I'm doing something wrong. It's so frustrating. Argh!!!!

First of all welcome to the forums .

As some of the others suggested it may not be a bad idea to get checked out by your GP .

Assuming everything is alright in that ddepartment thne it looks like perhaps both of you have lost that connection you once had.

I had a similar situation a few years ago when our sex lifes was just boring and we had what I call bad sex once a month . Which is basically just going through the motions . In my eyes its as bad as having no sex as it does nothing to add the relationship.

I hope you have kept your lines of communication open becasue communication is the biggest important thing that underpinns a successful relationship . If not then you really need to restablish this as you both need to talk,

Sex I would put on the backburner for a while like we did. IMO what you need to do is to start doing more things together as a couple . We started going on date nights and we can't go out enough these days! Both of us just luv them. So that could be a first thing for both of you start going out to the pub together perhaps something trendier/posher than just the local around the corner . Order a meal at the pub and then get talking to each other just about general things .Some posters will diagree with me here but we like to dress to impress as well . Guys in particular are impacted by visual things . You only need to see all the eyes gaze at a pretty girl wearing a dress when she walks past. a group of guys Thats why I suggested a pub thats perhaps a bit posher than your local so you can dress well and stimulate the visuals of your partner .Get him to fancy the pants off you again as you would if he wore say a smart shirt , jacket ( blazer type) and trousers/jeans .If you have acorner table instigate a game of footsie. I like nothing more than my partners stockinged foot rubbing my groin area . I think its more exciting becasue its a little naughty

Keeping a lid on sex for the moment , when you get back start cuddling and kissing each other perhaps to a background of dim lighting and music . Or watch a raunchy movies together but try to refrain from sex this one time and just keep kissing and cuddling. Again no sex in this session although you both may feel the urge . Well I hope so anyway as that is the idea .

Then try again the following week , do somthing similar but this time see were it will take you. Wear some nice little nothings underneath your outfit that you know he will like and take it from there.

If you can you can do a lot of this whilst away on a weekend .

I am not saying it will work with your situation as it did with ours but there are bits in what I have posted that may give you some ideas to put that Va VA Voom back into your relationship.

Good luck

I would repeat what the others are saying about dating and going back to basics, enjoying intimacy rather than expecting to want sex when you have drifted apart a bit. I'd definitely agree with what Mysteron was saying too about dressing to impress as you feel better about yourself too then as well as turning your partner on!

I don't know whether your man is shy about buying things or just petrified of getting it wrong but you could always make a wishlist on here, that way he can still surprise you but he will know it's something you would like too!

Great idea about the wishlist to help him buy stuff from here Gem276 :)

Thank you all for your suggestions gonna give em ago. Luckily we are very open and very romantic together we still hold hands etc I think it's just a series of bad life stiff that has made me close off the parts of me that tend to get hurt so I need to break down some walls. Back to basics defo. Thanks all.