" Morning love, nice day for it! " chirped the cheery milkman as Betty opened the door to grab her morning pint.
" Is it?" Betty mumbled sleepily " I’ve got to go and interview some boring local politician today about some equally boring council affair but frankly it’s the last thing I feel like doing." Betty hugged her flimsy dressing gown round her rubenesque figure aware that Milky hadn’t missed the opportunity to have a damn good ogle as he gripped his bottle of gold top in a manner that almost made her blush. " Oh who’d be a journalist eh?" sighed Betty wearily.
" Bugger that, people don’t want to read about that kind of boring old tripe, they want some good old British sleaze!" said Milky “How about binning that one off and I’ll fill you in on some red hot local gossip that’ll curdle your tea.” Milky had somehow managed to inch nearer Betty during this chat and pretty much had one foot in the door, his gold top virtually poking her between her big motherly boobs.
" Erm, well I don’t think I have the time this morning, I’ve got to have a bath and get ready for work," Betty stuttered although she was secretly thinking ’ Mmmm he’s a bit of alright actually.’
" You know, I could help you out there, how do you fancy going a bit Cleopatra?" winked the naughty Milky, " I’ve got a bit of excess of milk left today…enough for a bath and they’ll never miss it back at the dairy, I’ll just tell them it fell off the van!"
Betty thought it over for all of two seconds, she’d always wanted to indulge in herself in her Cleo fantasy and it was going to be a hell of a lot more fun than work.
" Mmmm you’re on." she purred at the eager milkman and turned to go back up the stairs, her short gown showing off a lot more cheek than Milky was expecting.
" Ha! I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist my creamy goodness for much longer!" called Milky gleefully as he ran up the stairs behind her, his gold tops rattling in their crate.
The only thing I’ve got for this is Dave from Big Rescue: Animal Service scoping out a new location for a snake sanctuary (“It’s a good price, Susan, but I’m worried it’s going to be quite tight. He may not look it, but my python is rather lengthy when he’s stretched out. I’m not sure he’s going to fit? And is there anything we can do about the damp?”).
Jeff the gardener was just getting stuck into trimming a large unkempt bush in front of the local physiotherapist’s when he noticed that the binds hadn’t been properly closed to one of the treatment rooms.
‘Hmmm that’s a bit careless,’ he thought to himself as he leaned forwards, peering over the foliage.
He could see a chap laying on the massage table being given what looked like a thorough working over by the curvy beauty that was the masseuse. Her hands gliding over the man’s back, glistening in oil, the long smooth strokes making Jeff wish he was on the receiving end of such treatment. Damn, his back had been feeling quite stiff of late, one of the downsides to his physical job and as he gazed at the crisp white uniform stretched across the bosom of the masseuse that wasn’t the only bit of him that was getting stiff.
‘Hell, if only I could get closer for a better look,’ he muttered to himself, his power tool still buzzing in his hand, bits of bush flying willy nilly into the air as he carelessly hacked away. Finally unable to resist any longer he switched the hedgecutter off, squeezed past the bush and crouched under the window. Raising his head he peeped inside, the fella on the table had now gone and the masseuse was nowhere to be seen.
Suddenly he felt the presence of someone behind him. ’ Oh God!’ he thought as he jumped up quickly…too quickly! He felt his back go into a spasm and yelled out in pain.
" Well, well, it looks like you’re in need of some kind relief," said Carole the masseuse " Lucky for you I have a free slot."
Jeff tried to think of a good reason for being caught peering into the window as he winced in discomfort but failed miserably…what on earth could he say?
Carole took him by the arm and led him slowly inside.
Just to compound the embarrassment of the situation the evidence of Jeff’s excitement was still plain to see through his now uncomfortably tight work trousers and Carole smirked as he gingerly crawled onto the massage table.
“That’ll teach you to go nosing through windows,” she laughed. “And you’ve made a shabby job of my bush too young man!”
Long trips in space do get very boring, all that free time spent stairing out the window and twiddling your thumbs. And you know what they say about idle hands
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