HappyCouple wrote:
Oh right... my point, be careful how much you push this, to be 'rough' with someone you care about I think you have to change how you feel about them or be thinking about how you feel for someone else and then take it out on them. They might enjoy it but for us guys, I would not advise digging around in those kind of thoughts.
You don't *have* to.
WandA has nothing but love for me when he's rough for me. It's because he loves me so much that he *can* do it because in his mind he's being rough because he knows just how much I'll enjoy it.
It's possible to be rough without the feelings you mentioned - sure it might be difficult but it's certainly possible.
Though to pick up on PK's point I don't think our "rough" sex ever has any anger or malice behind it - it's always through desire to please one another. It's role play often revolving around "punishment" but the kind of punishment that comes from wanting to benefit the partner not from wanting to actually punish. Caring punishment :)
Adx
defnitely pre-plan as a Dom. sounds boring and 'timetabled' but can be very good fun and that way the session has no hiccups.
also yes i agree there is a difference between 'angry' and 'passionate' - though both have a place in the bedroom - though i dont thin angry is the best description.
dominating fits as a better word, where you are playing a role of overpowering the other person - not always physically but mentally too, hence taking control and then this can also lead to humiliation play.
as well as preplanning it also helps to discuss it with your OH too. we sometimes watch porn together just to get ideas and see what would both like to do in this sense - find that helps a lot.
also, a lo of kinky emails through the day when at work, building scenarios etc help to discover what we both like and what is a no go in the domination and rougher sex side of things.
hope this helps
I love the whole abuse,rough sex thing and my OH is scarily good at playing the aggressor.We can go at it for hours and sometimes never get to the sex bit..I love the feeling of being abused,especially next day when I can feel the tenderness on my body where I have bashed myself aganst my OH defending himself.We have seen the occasional bloody nose and black eye,but I am very lucky as I bruise really easily so it doesnt take much arse slapping or arm/leg clshing for it to look like I have been worked over.It may sound a bit weird but the high afterward when I see myself bruised in the mirror and feel completely exhausted is just the best thing ever.My OH rarely looks more than a bit ruffled but enjoys the thrill of resisting my attempts to punish him and the spanking and slapping to let me know I'm a naughty girl.
Please take care though a safe word and clear communication is a must.
No one needs to go to casualty
BTW it's not an every day thing,we would need some serious fitness training to do that.
I like a bit of rough sex, I like being spanked & a good scratch on the back adds a little to the role, I don't do it to my other half, just move her in some positions with a little force, she wouldn't wanna get an injury, & I would never hurt her, for me though I don't mind her dominating me.
Alicia D'amore wrote:
HappyCouple wrote:
Oh right... my point, be careful how much you push this, to be 'rough' with someone you care about I think you have to change how you feel about them or be thinking about how you feel for someone else and then take it out on them. They might enjoy it but for us guys, I would not advise digging around in those kind of thoughts.
You don't *have* to.
WandA has nothing but love for me when he's rough for me. It's because he loves me so much that he *can* do it because in his mind he's being rough because he knows just how much I'll enjoy it.
It's possible to be rough without the feelings you mentioned - sure it might be difficult but it's certainly possible.
Though to pick up on PK's point I don't think our "rough" sex ever has any anger or malice behind it - it's always through desire to please one another. It's role play often revolving around "punishment" but the kind of punishment that comes from wanting to benefit the partner not from wanting to actually punish. Caring punishment :)
Adx
Totally agree Alicia! :-) x
For me sex isnt sex unless its animalistic and rough, I get really frustrated by guys being gentle.If im submitting to you fucking me then fucking do it! Not everyone is the same but for me, use and abuse. Just talk to him, I find most men have a dominant side...
Alicia D'amore wrote:
HappyCouple wrote:
Oh right... my point, be careful how much you push this, to be 'rough' with someone you care about I think you have to change how you feel about them or be thinking about how you feel for someone else and then take it out on them. They might enjoy it but for us guys, I would not advise digging around in those kind of thoughts.
You don't *have* to.
WandA has nothing but love for me when he's rough for me. It's because he loves me so much that he *can* do it because in his mind he's being rough because he knows just how much I'll enjoy it.
It's possible to be rough without the feelings you mentioned - sure it might be difficult but it's certainly possible.
Though to pick up on PK's point I don't think our "rough" sex ever has any anger or malice behind it - it's always through desire to please one another. It's role play often revolving around "punishment" but the kind of punishment that comes from wanting to benefit the partner not from wanting to actually punish. Caring punishment :)
Adx
Completely agreed. My partner would never e.g. spanked me if he did not know how much it can turn me on and how much I like to be slightly dominated. and I know he would never hurt me, not more than I want to be hurt in the good way. It can be done between 2 people who care for each other and I am finding that better, as you trust the person more fully. And you deeply respect each other and the other wishes. And when he comes with something new he always tells me to tell him immediately if I don´t like it.
Just be careful as you can scare the someone off completely, i had a friend whos now ex wanted it really rough and it shocked him so much they didn't last. Small steps i would say.
I love rough sex as long as its me doing the roughing up
Kristieuk wrote:
For me sex isnt sex unless its animalistic and rough
I mostly agree with what Kristie said - I prefer it hard and rough (though a sleepy slow sesh has it's place)
My favourites are hair pulling, being pushed around and being spanked and scratched, though it took a while for Hubs to feel comfortable with doing these things to me, and he has to be 'in the mood' to really go for it.
I found that by running my own nails up my inner thighs and marking them, and by spanking my own bum with a paddle he got the hint and saw the way it made me feel instantly. I'd show him what you like having done/want to try - ie: if you like your nipples being pinched, do so when making out and let him see how much you enjoy it. In the heat of the moment, unless you do something that you believe will really offend him, I am sure he will just go with the flow!
I have a fantasy that involves him being really quite violent and as much as I want him to treat me this way, he just doesn't feel comfortable. Thankfully, I tend to dream about this particular 'kink' quite a lot, so that keeps me happy - I'd never push him to do something he wasn't comfortable with.
Any joy since the first posting?
MrsPx
New here, and this thread from last year is where I'm at with my lovely OH. I was very seriously ill 18 months ago, and he was amazing and we got through an awful time. I'm completely well now. Before this we sometimes had rough sex, but since I've been ill it's been very gentle and loving. I think I need to be rough with him and see if that triggers things. I really don't want to talk to him about it, I just don't think he would admit to missing this. Maybe he doesn't. Advice here ver helpful, thanks!
Sounds like hes taking your illness into consideration, sounds a lovely guy tbh.
But if hes been gentle and loving for that length of time maybe he needs a wake up call and you can suggest a bit of rough. Do you have a paddle or nipple clamps etc? or is it just a rough pounding you would like? He doesnt have to admit to missing it and maybe he hasnt but he justs needs you to make the first move as he probably doesnt know how you feel as you havent discussed it with him. Good luck!!
Thanks Dee, think you're right. Just feel like discussing it will make it seem like a problem ,when it isn't exactly. Were very close, and have had some very difficult conversations and times. I would love this to be enjoyable and will take your advice and buy some props and see what happens. I really don't want to seem like I'm not satisfied, because I am. But we had some great rough times, and I wonder if we can re kindle this. If our relationship has just changed, then thats ok too.
I'll let you know how we go!!