Seduction Attempted - Struggling!

Sex Tips & Talk
1

OK just to update on the attempted wooing back or said Boy, this is gonna be hard I think.

I tried wearing the Booty Parlour Don't Stop perfume and I have to say he was laughing with me a lot more than usual. I wore a slightly low cut t-shirt which because I have lost some weight kept riding down revealing two well proportioned puppies - I naturally have large breasts when I'm slimmer, however boys, they hurt when I run! LOL

We sat watching a DVD and I could tell he was feeling something. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed he kept looking at them and this got more as the afternoon wore on. Then when we had some tea, he took the lid of a Pringles tube and was frisbeeing it at me at my chest. After a while of us mucking about like this, he grabbed the top and slide it inbetween my breasts and giggled. I giggled and asked what on earth am I supposed to do with a lid in my breasts? He replied about it being a comfy place to slide things.

I them asked him whilst laughing if he could kindly remove the lid as it was making my boobs sore. Before I could profer the command of "with your teeth", he had taken it out and started frisbeeing it at me again. I grabbed it and went to put it up the leg of his shorts and he said "no people have to eat these crisps", I said what was the issue as the lid had been between my boobs and he said my boobs were nice and clean.

I didn't probe deeper at this point.

At this point his dog stole a sandwich off the plate and he told him off as he doesn't steal food as a rule and sent him to his bed which the dog didn't do so he raised his voice and bobs ya uncle, he sat back down on the bed squashed up to the wall and although was being nice to me didn't continue with the frisbeeing.

He was a lot nicer to me than of late but still only 2 pecks on the lips when I went no cuddle all day, no hand holding, nothing. Now I don't really know how to deal with this. He does seem a little jittery and has done for some time, if I go near his genitals or nipples. If I squeeze his bum sometimes he just jumps a bit and other times he moves so I actually can't reach it.

Once upon a time a low cut top would have had him gagging, or if I had tried putting the Pringle lid up the leg of his shorts he would of let me start fondling his cock, but now....(shrugs), I dunno. I guess it's the guilt of what he has done coming out and he seems to recoil away from physical contact 97% of the time.

TRouble is, is I also wore a thong with some baggy jeans hoping he would see them poking above the waistband which is also another turn on for him, but short of pulling the top up at the back all the time, I don't think he saw. But I always loved the feel of things - not worn them much lately and I have been feeling extremely horney all day.

So in short, the Don't Stop pheromone perfume made him nicer to me but still can't get him to make physical contact. Daft because he's even talking about the furniture fund for when we move in together.

Any tips or can anyone suggest any good books I can get ideas from please?

2

Sorry about the crap spelling I'm tired.

3

Hiya i think you would get more advice if you post this on to your previous thread, then people will know what's been going on.

Have you spoken to him about it? Or do you mean he just feels guilty for what he has done?

I'm glad the perfume seemed to wok tho!

4

my advice is to ask him if he has and if so why has he done it if he lies and says he didnt then you need to get someone that you deserve thats my opinion anyway

5

Guilt is a very destructive emotion and I would think is the most likely cause of his low desire. From his perspective: everytime he sees you and touches you he's reminded of his betrayal. The more effort you make the more it will gnaw away at him and make him pull away from you.

I really, really would talk to him about it until this comes out I don't think either of you are going to be happy and I can't see seduction working under your current circumstances.

Also, it's my understanding that pheromones are neither secreted nor detected by humans. I've never seen any convincing research that suggests they have any effect. At a guess perfumes and things with pheremones in probably work by the confidence you get from thinking "I will be irresistable to the object of my affection" and it's the confidence that makes you more attractive.

If you really want this to work out long term I really would consider talking it out. He betrayed you and kept it secret...I know it's not the same thing at all but in the interests of fostering an open and honest relationship I think telling him what you know is a good example to be setting to him.

Best of luck hunny

xxKPxx

6

If your considering living together its best to sort out your issues beforehand. Its best to be open and honest with him and how his actions are making you feel, if you cant say it in person its best to write him a note or something rather than avoid discussing things at all.

Good luck, make sure you put your happiness first, love can be blind xx

7

In the light of day I think you are all correct. I will have to pick my time but I'll just be me from now on. Unfortunately he has never been one to deal with emotions well, examples being when people have died and it takes years for him to start talking about it. I will just bide my time for the right time and go from there. I just could do without all the drama at this time, as it will be as he can be a bit of one.

He's very much going on about living together and furniture and stuff at the moment. I'm sure there will come a time when he says something which will open the way for discussion. If I broach it at the wrong time he will go in on himself - I know him well enough.

I won't go one about it but I will talk to him when the time is right.

Thank you all for your advice.

8

i think youve made a good decision

9

Mistress Morticia wrote:

In the light of day I think you are all correct. I will have to pick my time but I'll just be me from now on. Unfortunately he has never been one to deal with emotions well, examples being when people have died and it takes years for him to start talking about it. I will just bide my time for the right time and go from there. I just could do without all the drama at this time, as it will be as he can be a bit of one.

He's very much going on about living together and furniture and stuff at the moment. I'm sure there will come a time when he says something which will open the way for discussion. If I broach it at the wrong time he will go in on himself - I know him well enough.

I won't go one about it but I will talk to him when the time is right.

Thank you all for your advice.

im glade your going to talk to him about it...

but i dont think waiting for him to bring it up, is frankly ever going to happen. he thinks you dont know and if he hasnt told you already then i highly doubt he is going to tell you now, he thinks his got away with it his behivour is the only give away his actually showing. secondly you said his not good with talking esp about feelings ect ect if thats they case this is another reason why i really doubt he will bring this up, as you will ask questions and want answear and will want to talk which you say he dont like doing.

by all means wait for the right time (if there ever really is such a thing) but please dont wait for him to bring it up or make an opening cos i fear you could be waiting for a very long time and you dont deserve to have to wait.

Dxx

10

I agree I doubt he'll ever bring it up to be honest with you. Please don't think me stupid or silly for not blowing my top but I know the man more than anyone and I do think he loves me but made mistakes. And afterall we are all human and we can all make mistakes.

11

To move on he needs to accept what he has done and talk about it, even if he doesnt like to talk or isnt good with emotions i really think once its out in the open things will be a lot easier and you will be able to look to the future and see it as a fresh start x

12

I'm so glad you've decided to tell him what you know I'm sure it's the right thing to do. Of course you're right to wait for the right time...in the middle of the supermarket is obviously not a good one!

Best of luck my dear, we're all routing for you

xxKPxx

13

I feel I should perhaps play devil's advocate here for a moment as I'm confused about a few things and I think there are potential issues that have not really been explored.

You say that you and your OH have been together for 18 years. I notice that you describe yourself in your profile as "going steady" so I take it you and your OH are not married but have an understanding. Also, you say that you have been a full-time carer for 8 years so you and your OH had been together 10 years when you took on this responsibility.

Was your OH involved in the decision for you to take on this responsibility and how did he respond/cope with it?

Did the two of you manage to live together fully as a couple after you took on the carer role or did the accommodation or extent of your carer role not allow this?

Is there any realistic prospect of your being able to live together as a couple within the foreseeable future?

What I'm driving at in all this is, have the two of you got your ideas crossed as to what the relationship now is. Obviously, with a marriage its easy to tell when it starts and when it finishes and what the commitment is while it exists. With other agreements its a bit too easy for one to think the relationship is over, or at least ceased to be a monogamous one while the other thinks its still the full-blown thing - especially in situations where there are significant strains on the relationship. Given that you have not been living together for a significant time and it ceased to be a full sexual relationship some time ago does he know you still regard it as a monogamous relationship?

It seems to me you need to start having a serious conversation with him about what you both think the relationship is and where it is going and make sure you don't have your wires crossed

14

Hmm aint ever seen it in an Ann Summers or any other shop, but make yourself out to be a giant frisbee tube lid, failing that a metallic suit, like that worn by Barbarella in 2001? A Space Odyssey!!!

TB

15

Gyrator53 wrote:

I feel I should perhaps play devil's advocate here for a moment as I'm confused about a few things and I think there are potential issues that have not really been explored.

You say that you and your OH have been together for 18 years. I notice that you describe yourself in your profile as "going steady" so I take it you and your OH are not married but have an understanding. Also, you say that you have been a full-time carer for 8 years so you and your OH had been together 10 years when you took on this responsibility.

Was your OH involved in the decision for you to take on this responsibility and how did he respond/cope with it?

Did the two of you manage to live together fully as a couple after you took on the carer role or did the accommodation or extent of your carer role not allow this?

Is there any realistic prospect of your being able to live together as a couple within the foreseeable future?

What I'm driving at in all this is, have the two of you got your ideas crossed as to what the relationship now is. Obviously, with a marriage its easy to tell when it starts and when it finishes and what the commitment is while it exists. With other agreements its a bit too easy for one to think the relationship is over, or at least ceased to be a monogamous one while the other thinks its still the full-blown thing - especially in situations where there are significant strains on the relationship. Given that you have not been living together for a significant time and it ceased to be a full sexual relationship some time ago does he know you still regard it as a monogamous relationship?

It seems to me you need to start having a serious conversation with him about what you both think the relationship is and where it is going and make sure you don't have your wires crossed

To be completely honest, we have never lived together and the caring role I took on was not something he had any say in - I don't mean that rudely. He also never expressed a preference about it other than me talking about all the crap that goes with caring bored him.

I did always make him promise to leave me if he thought of sleeping with anyone else, purely because the partner who raped me also cheated on me and I didn't want that. He just told me he wasn't going anywhere. But I do remember around this time we argued a lot and he tried leaving me and being really nasty - I know now it was his way of trying to actually get me to leave him.

However, in my defence of this, he never had the money to move out of his family home and neither did I so we never thought it was going to happen til we were 60 odd. Many times he's been on the phone being angry because he didn't see how people saved money and he also didn't want me to be caring he wanted me to get a job. It's VERY complicated but the place I live is privately rented by mum and if I put her in a home I would be evicted ASAP because I could never afford the rent. He won't live here because I live too far from his work and thus I would be homeless. He can't understand I can't just land a job out of nowhere and be paying my way immediately.

Part of the problem is he had two working parents and I had one part time working parent and we had no assets or financial back up. He ran his own business for years and never made enough money to move out of home.

So maybe you might be slightly suggesting some of this is my fault? Well maybe so which is why I'm not going to smash him in the face with my findings and I will wait for the right time to gently bring this up.

Still to be honest, no-one treats me very well in life and I've never done any harm to anyone - so why should he be different?

16

Still to be honest, no-one treats me very well in life and I've never done any harm to anyone - so why should he be different?

that is one of the most sadist(sp) things ive ever read on this forum.

i hate it when bad things always happen to good people and that always seems to be the way it is now, in this world. but i do beleive in karm and that what goes around comes around eventualy.

the only thing i would say is dont let people hurt you and treat you bad, if they do excluded them from your life as you dont deserve that, no body does.

your an amazing most unselfish person, by doing what you do for your mum and im sure she muchly appreaciates you for it.

carers just dont get another surrport, recernation(sp) and money for what they do.

Dxx

17

"So maybe you might be slightly suggesting some of this is my fault? "


I don't think fault really comes into the situation on either side. Clearly you are trying to sustain a relationship under very difficult circumstances. Having spent 3 years apart from my wife during our studies when a train fare to spend a weekend together was not often afforded I have some idea of the difficulties but to sustain this for many more years with no obvious resolution must be much harder.

It seems to me that only by a great deal of discussion can you sort out what you both want out of the relationship and how, given the logistical difficulties in both your lives, something satisfactory can be worked out.

Purely on the practical side, do you get any help from social services that provides you with some respite from your carer role - time that could perhaps allow you to work through this?

18

Never enough respite unfortunately and I am usually so tired and he's working, that we often don't see each other anymore than normal.

Still strangely since my first post in this thread, matters have come around which are bringing us closer together and he has been saying things like "I have been horrible to you far too much and I am wrong" but because of the situation which has arisen I am so glad I didn't blow my top otherwise I would currently look a very heartless cow indeed!

Karma does work - sometimes in strange ways.