Sex advice question - large girth

An awkward problem, one I hope someone on here can offer me help or advice on.

My girlfriend and I are having problems having sexual intercourse. We are both in our early 30s, and while I have limited experience she has never had sex.

The basic issue is that my penis girth is quite large (about 6 inches) and no matter what we have tried we cannot get it in. We have both checked online for solutions, none of which have really worked, and are at our wits end.

Hope someone can offer some good advice

Many thanks


I like that post Illumine :)

Ideas -

  • lube. More lube. More, better lube. Silicone lube.
  • Use different width toys or fingers to really work at stretching the skin down there.
  • Different positions - perhaps try entering her sideways on for a different fit.
  • Her on top - to control the depth and angle better, she might find this works.

One thing I ought to ask - if she's a virgin, is her hymen still intact? If so, you'll have to find a way around or through it before you can start having PinV sex. I understand they can be stretched over time, by massaging with oil, but the normal course of events means they break fairly easily of their own accord the first time there's any significant stress on the area (sometimes before even having sex, through horse-riding or similar). If her hymen is intact and tougher than normal, this could be causing problems.

In either case, I'd advise that your partner have an exam and a chat with an experienced gynaecologist, as they will be able to tell her whether her shape or orientation of the vagina are likely to cause problems. I understand they can even cut through the hymen if desired, rather than the two of you trying to break it with a blunt instrument. But she should definitely have that talk - an experienced view will help reassure her that everything's working properly, and if it isn't, will be able to recommend a course of action.

All the best


Agreed with Illimine, there may be an underlying issue, or simply because you are both at a stressful point and over pushing things? Lube and toys are a good place to start. Try to take the pressure of yourselfs will help. Maybe it's worth a trip to the docs? Hope you guys sort this out xx

yes i would try toys as well, my vibe has loosened me up a bit since i had it

If shes become nervous or stressed there a good chance she's tensing up, making it even harder to penetrate, and she may not even be aware of doing it. Being a virgin the idea of sex can be stressful enough. If you get several different girth toys, you could play, and go down on her, start with your fingers and gradually move up to wider toys, whilst distracting her by kissing, licking and sucking other bits of her body and her clit. Have a way in place of her telling you how she feels and if it's getting too much. If shes shy and finds it hard to talk about how it feels physically she might feel better with something like saying green for good, orange for not sure and red for bad.

It would be good if shes not looking at what you're doing or what toys you're using, just have them to hand, maybe just slipped under the duvet near by. I don't mean she shouldn't know what you're doing just that if she sees the huge toy you're about to attack her with (her perception) she'll tense up. Take your time working up to the larger girths. You can also just try sliding your penis between her pussy lips and over her clit with the agreement that you are not going to try and enter her, which will get her used to the pleasure of feeling you in that area without any pain, pressure or disappointment. This should help her relax for when the time actually comes. I would say you maybe need to think long term and say for example, you're not going to attempt intercourse for 2 months, and after that time you can review and see see if you want to try it or give it another few weeks.

I think if you can get her to the point that shes so busy enjoying herself shes paying attention to the pleasure rather than what you're doing, you could switch from using a toy, to your penis, without her noticing. If fact a blind fold might be a lovely sexy idea. When you enter her, push in slowly right to the hilt, that tell her you're inside her and how fantastic it feels. Don't move for a while just let her move against you for a few minutes. If your playing with her clit and driving her mad she'll probably start thrusting to get you to move. Be careful to stay inside her and grind rather than moving in and out, unless she's in pain and wants you out. When you feel her relax, withdraw very slowly and go back to using your cock on her clit, before entering again. The point being, keep her attention on her pleasure, not on your cock and penetration. If you penetrate and she feels pain, reassure her your not going to do it again and go back to pleasuring her. Be careful to ensure she associates feeling your penis against her with pleasure and trust, not pain. Sometimes pain can't be helped but you must not end a sex session witha painful experience.

Make sure when you're getting close to climax you give her a lot of reassurance, tell her how much you love her, how sexy she is and how happy you are that you get to share yourself with her in that way. Come on her if she'll let you, its a lovely intimate experience and a way for her to visualise how much pleasure you get from her.

um, sorry for the essay

Some good beginners ones to work up from (I like glass)

I know these say for anal but they have a gradual increase in girth which would be good.

Or this but it might be intimidating

A dildo with the right girth to prepare her for you-

My partner is quite large and we had problems to start with. What i would recommend is plenty of lube, and take things slow. Make sure she is really turned on. The toy suggestion is a good one.

As others have said nerves could be playing a big part. Why not suggest that you don't have penetrative sex for a while, just enjoy the foreplay. Get to know each other sexually without the pressure of full sex, then hopefully when the time is right, she'll be relaxed and far less nervous.

6" girth? I think someone's telling porkies, unless you have a pony's d*ck :p

She needs to relax, if you dom't get her wet, lubed up enough, it's gonna hurt. I would say that your positions need to switch about, get her ontop of you, you sitting up and her on your lap, much easier to enter then.

relax...ensure she is turned off , use lots of lube and enjoy it any stress will make it harder to happen so relaxation is def the key.

Blueeyes82 wrote:

6" girth? I think someone's telling porkies, unless you have a pony's d*ck :p

Hey, calling someone a liar when they're asking a genuine question is seriously nasty. Especially in that smug, superior, giggly girly way.

Maybe you mistook "girth" for "width", in which case learn your terminology better.

Maybe you've just never had experience of one that size, in which case try not to assume your experience speaks for the whole world.

Take a look at the wide range of toys on this site. Then look at their dimensions. If you have a large toy yourself, please, look that up too.

I know for a fact that 6" is not only possible, but more common than you'd think. Anyone who needs XL or XXL condoms will be at or very close to this mark.

The point I'm making, though, is that even if the OP were exaggerating their claims to size, they still have a genuine question about penetration, and were looking on here for supportive, helpful advice. Your attitude might just be the thing that turns them away from this site for good.

Speaking as someone who has a ridiculous vagina that refuses to accept my OH without a major battle, regardless of how turned on I am, I have literally felt your girlfriend's pain.

One of the problems I found is that I started EXPECTING it to hurt, so whenever we tried it I'd tense up automatically because my downstairs always started wailing "No, don't make me, I don't like it!" Even though I did. Majorly irritating.

Apologies if this is far too graphic, but something we found works is oral with added fingery goodness. The oral gets very distracting, so it's easier to work one finger, then two, then three in. Plus, the fact that it's "just foreplay" takes a lot of the pressure off, because she needn't worry that you're going to unleash the Kraken on her any time soon.

It's important to be patient. If you manage to get your penis inside her even a tiny bit, and she says stop, then stop, but agree beforehand that you won't pull out unless she says so. Sometimes just a few seconds getting used to being stretched in that manner is enough, and you can work your way in slowly.

Use lube, and maybe consider a glass or two of wine before you try anything? I'm not saying get her wrecked, but I've always found that if I've had a drink I find sex a lot easier. I don't know if it's a placebo effect or something, it's just something I thought I'd mention.

Oh and if you're trying it missionary style... Don't. It makes everything tense up. Apparently it's easier if she's on all fours. Best position to have babies in, too, apparently, so if it's easier to get a baby out in that position, likelihodd is it'll be easier to get you in.

smirnoff09 wrote:

relax...ensure she is turned off , use lots of lube and enjoy it any stress will make it harder to happen so relaxation is def the key.

i meant turned on lol

So does reggie mean the 6" mean its 6" in length or circumferance?

Lots of great advice here.

Especially from MrMr. 6 inches is not so unusual at all - the average girth is 5inches, adding an inch to the circumferance doesn't actually make the penis itself so much larger because it's added to a circle (if that makes sense) so I agree - dismissing someone as a liar is a bit harsh and not very friendly to new members looking for advice.

Illumine is also correct - the vagina is very stretchy so if your having difficulties - look for underlying reasons. There are a range of reasons touched on by MrMr such as an intact hymen, vulvodynia, a "crooked" canal (which is pretty common) and (as cheer_up eluded too) a situation where you lady is tensing up in anticipation of pain.

Definitely get her to take a visit to a gynaecologist to check up any underlying causes and in the meantime use loads of lube, make sure she's really relaxed, maybe help her orgasm before the sex and use smaller toys to work up to yourself. Using dilators and kegal exercises can really help, as can pereneal massage. Kegal exercises should be done twice a day - 10 tight squeezes each separated by a relaxation period. Hold each squeeze for ten seconds and relax for ten seconds each time. Whilst this tends to be done for tightening, it gives the lady more control over her muscles and reminds her body of the difference between tensed and relaxed so any tensing in anticipation of pain can be switched off with a quick set of kegals as a reminder.

Sex doesn't have to be painful and if it is, you should always work with a good gynaecologist to work out the cause of the pain.

All the best,


Hi! My boyfriend has a 6" girth as well and we had the same problem when we first started having sex, it wouldn't go in : / and when it did it hurt lots and I would bleed almost every time (sorry if too graphic), it was a slow prossess getting used it it, but totally worth it.

My tips are:
Lube, I can not stress the importance of lube! Don't skimp on it.
Patience, I know this is hard (hehehe hard) but it will take some time. Don't push her if she is uncomfortable.
Realise that it may hurt her, try and be gental as possible. Stop as soon as she asks., although unfortuantly she might have to push past the pain barrier, if she does give her time to heal and stop hurting before you go again (may take a day or more)
Foreplay :D the more relaxed and turned on she is the easier it will be.
Let her choose the position she is most comfortable in.
I know it might sound silly, but let her get used to your size by having you in her mouth (obviously only if she is happy to do this) I found it worked for me psycologically.
Don't just focus on her vagina, if you are pleasureing other parts of her body it will help distract her and make her feel less stressed about it.

It's a frustrating situation. Good luck! Hopefully you're enjoying great sex soon.