Hello all! First time poster here. Has anyone else tried to hack dating during the pandemic? How was it different compared to your previous dating experiences? How did it impact your approach to sex with a new partner?
I’ve been divorced since the Fall of 2019. I wanted to start dating after I finished my certification program the following Summer (last year), then COVID happened. I had taken a stab at online dating before, so I knew what to expect there. However, dating and sex during a pandemic was definitely something new to tackle. Other than some people not seeming to be taking the pandemic seriously, but there was an onslaught of people on these dating apps that didn’t know what they wanted. My guess is that the pandemic and sheltering in place caused tons of people to feel lonely, so they went on dating apps in search of something to feel better. I can’t blame them, but it felt like a waste of time when messaging some of them. Anyway, I always opted to message with a potential match for a week, then from there do Zoom or another type of video chat a few times. Then meet and socially distance in a public place outside, like a park. Honestly, I dated one guy for about a month, he fell in love with me, and I never even kissed him! I didn’t feel a spark, so I had to let him down easy.
Thankfully I did meet someone I felt a spark with, almost when I was about ready to give up on dating for a while. We were both fully vaccinated against COVID before I felt ready to kiss and do more. He was patient throughout that waiting game. The sex has been fantastic! I couldn’t be happier.
I actually meet my first partner ever due to COVID (bit of a late bloomer) We both joined a shared interest music group at my uni (he isn’t a student, and hadn’t listened to this type of music before lockdown) and met through the group chat We saw each other posting messages and he finally plucked up the courage to message me after a while (as honestly meeting a guy was nowhere on my radar when joining the group ) We met back in the winter, and my uni gave free tests so I knew I didn’t have COVID, and he works in a factory where no one is near each other but he still understood if I didn’t want to meet (I did after a few weeks though because we really clicked ) We both take the pandemic very seriously and always take every precaution while we’re out so we trust each other in that regard Have been dating and moved in together since Couldn’t be happier and never thought I’d meet someone over the three years I’m here for uni (we’re planning on moving to the states together when I graduate)
I tried online dating for the first time, so don’t have any past experience to compare with (!). But I have met someone I really click with, we’re officially dating exclusively now, and it feels like it’s been so much longer than it has. We’re both taking covid seriously so kept our distance at our first dates and did regular lateral flow tests before taking things further.
I’d say dating for me during the pandemic has been soul crushing, not that it wasn’t hard enough without that, but I found someone after the first lockdown in UK and we sparked and really like them but this third lockdown has truly destroyed so much of my happiness as we’ve still not been able to meet yet and they’re mental health has plummeted and that’s made me really depressed too as they’ll go weeks without messaging so I’m left waiting and hoping for reassurance from them and really everything in all is just meh
I’ve also notice an influx of time wasters joining the dating apps too who don’t know what they want which isn’t great for people who are genuinely wanting to find love. Also weirdly the majority of them are already in relationships which personally I find insulting they’re wanting me to be a third wheel or some secret sex on the hush
I do believe there’s a lot more lonely people out there now but yet maybe they need to use a different method of filling that space then using dating apps and potentially emotionally hurting others in the process…
Hey @AJSTAR, that sounds rotten! I hope things work out between you. This third lockdown has been the worst by far. Fortunately being able to get out and about more is reversing the decline. I hope you get to meet up soon. Massive hugs
Thank you most sweet to say and appreciated
As of currently I’ve not heard from them since last month, 6th May, so my head has been all over the place overthinking everything and worrying but I know I must give them time and space to work things out and then they’ll write back when ready.
@AJSTAR Ah sorry to hear that dude, That really sucks. I hope they get in contact with you soon. The last lockdown has been so difficult on everyones stress levels. I hope it gets a little better now everything is slightly more relaxed and you get a chance to see them.
In the meantime, big hugs i hope things get better going forward.
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For me, I’m seriously considering trying online dating at the moment. Its something i thought id never do, but my chances of meeting anyone new are so small as it is, due to a combo of geography and m.e…and this was before you mixed in covid.
Not really sure what else i can do about that to be honest
I dont even know where to start with it to be honest. I was thinking eharmony or tinder or something (anyone know which ones are better?). And im pretty nervous about the whole idea as you hear bad stories (a family member had a bad experience when she tried online dating) . I don’t want to half arse it if I’m going to do it. (It wont be strait away anyway, as covid)
Might this article help to get you started? ME isn’t the same as FM I know but a lot of the context is applicable - meds, fatigue etc
Eharmony is often recommended. Not used it myself as it didn’t exist when I was last single though!
I met my partner on tinder just before the first lockdown. It’s not been easy, but the forced separation at times has just made us stronger and certainly helped us get to know each other. It’s been tough but also worked to our advantage, we’re so happy, go for it!!
Thanks so much, thats a really helpful article.
Im still at the “hypothetical/mild nerves” stage about even thinking of doing this and didnt even think to factor in the CFS. (its usually the 3rd thing new people learn about me, as everyone inevitably asks me what i do for a job so i completely forgot about it)
@Rhilee thanks for the encouragement. Its nice to hear everyones good experiances with online dating
I met my partner on Hinge after about a week on the app (you see who likes you and either accept to chat or decline). I had also tried Bumble (the woman has to make the first move) and Coffee Meets Bagel (fewer potential matches per day so it’s not mindless swiping). The worst experience had to be Tinder. While it’s known for being a hookup app, I know of some couples that had met on it. All I found on there were guys looking for hookups or those that didn’t know what they were looking for. I only lasted 2 days on there.
I’m not sure the first thing I want to do in a post-pandemic world is see some random strangers for dates that might or might not go over well. It’s been over a year since I’ve properly hung out with friends and to me, I’d much rather touch base with them when we feel comfy and have the chance.
I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to get back out there especially now when the idea of making out with our cough nozzles feels so wrong (but not in a sexy way sadly.) I just came back home from my 2nd dose of Pfizer today (woo!) but I can’t just flip that switch and return to my previous normal because this pandemic mindset has become my new normal. Doesn’t help that I was sexually assaulted by my last Tinder encounter prior to the shutdowns either. feelsbadman
I just don’t know when I can be ready. I’ll go on Tinder and swipe around, but when the prospect of meeting up comes along… I get cold feet and retreat for some time until I try again; rinse and repeat. There’s just a lot of different fears and feels. A guy asked to hang tomorrow (first day of reopening) but… I don’t think I’m in the mindset where I can be spontaneous and feel safe doing so. Dating continues to feel so off-limits.
At the end of the day, it’s fine to be in dating limbo. I mean, we literally survived a pandemic and it’s going to take time for things to get back to basics. Everyone seems to be super understanding of all the speed bumps this last year threw at us. Change is hard and it’s not like dating sans pandemic was a cakewalk either
@sigmoidfroid oh god, thats terrible. What a horrible thing to happen. I can completely understand why that would put you off even looking at tinder, let alone wanting to use it.
I have to agree though, times are incredibly difficult at the moment. Especially for any type of socialising. I met friends i haven’t seen in over a year last week. It was so strange not getting to close to anyone, minding your hands, remembering not to touch people casually. Even casually considering dating, it seems so complicated at the moment. It seems like Everyone is still holding their breath, waiting for the other shoe to fall.
In a world where i can honestly say ive been out of my area almost more times in the last 2 weeks than i have in the last 18 months, how do you justify doing meeting someone new?
Like you said, for me, maybe not quite yet. But we can think about it, cant we you and i. And thats one step forward.
Thank you it’s really weird as I thought they’d start feeling better now the lockdown is mostly lifted but they seem to be the same if not worser… I’ve done the whole sending flowers and cards to try cheer them up to let know I’m here and they don’t need to struggle through it alone which they’d usually write back to say thank you but even that at the moment they’ve not acknowledged so am really worried for them.
With dating sites I’d say take it in your stride but be cautious too as from my experience since the lockdowns they’ve become more full of users who just want sex and are already in relationships but have gotten bored. Also there’s scammers to be weary of too.
@AJSTAR Thanks for the advice. Sounds like its alot tricker out there right now.
I hope everything works out and things improve for the better for both of you. I think its going to take a while for us all to come back out of our shells after having been so closeted for so long. Getting back to being social seems more difficult for everyone, especially with all the little worries in the back of all our heads.
So many people are struggling at the moment. I met up with a friend today for outdoor coffee and she told me she has not been inside a building other than her own home for 14 months, and doesn’t know when she will be ready to do that again……
@Green_Eyed_Girl This absolutely warmed my heart, thank you It’s really reassuring to hear. I’m glad to hear you’re taking reopening of your own social life at a pace you’re comfortable with. It’s been so difficult for everyone no doubt and I feel the same hesitancy.
I think what still tugs at me is the risk I pose to others amplified by viewing everything through the lens of COVID. The need to take those precautions for my sake isn’t wholly necessary, but it never stops being useful for the safety of others and I can’t shake the significance of that. My social life still feels non-essential.
To a friend, to family, to a date or hell, even to a stranger—I can still be the surface that transmits those microscopic water particles with COVID to them and their loved ones. Being vaccinated doesn’t mean there’s a 0% chance of contracting COVID either—just that in the extremely slim chance that I do, the symptoms would be incredibly mild if I become symptomatic at all. I still pose as a risk and living as if I don’t feels so wrong.
It’s so conflicting seeing all those faces on Tinder of people who’ve made it through this past year. People are there. They’re moving on with their lives. There’s so many of them. You see a cutie you would’ve 1000% seen in a heartbeat pre-pandemic. But the question still remains—should we?
Like you said, we can still test those waters for as long as it needs to take. Maybe it’s flakey and disappointing others. Regardless, nobody’s entitled to seeing, touching or having sex with anyone. If time heals all wounds, I hope people, communities, nations and the world at large continue to do what they can to minimize the impacts of COVID so we can all move past this weird blip in history. The only thing I’m sure of now is that it’ll take time.
We both joined a shared interest music group at my uni (he isn’t a student, and hadn’t listened to this type of music before lockdown) and met through the group chat 
) 
I don’t want to half arse it if I’m going to do it. (It wont be strait away anyway, as covid)
(its usually the 3rd thing new people learn about me, as everyone inevitably asks me what i do for a job so i completely forgot about it)
