Well I've mainly always been in relationships but am currently single. I have some conversations that have worried me a little with regards to female orgasm. Now I can get my self to orgasm, and often in sex but not generally from penetration alone and not every time I have sex, which considering my sex drive of wanting it a least once a day this is not unreasonable? Anyway I have had atleast three people say to me they wouldn't see the point in staying in a relationship with someone who they can't get to orgasm everytime because they would feel like a failure in that relationship. I know if I felt I had to orgasm it would certainly make it less likely. Does it really matter that much? I feel like being able to always orgasm has become like some expectation I can never meet and my sexually partners are just going be disappointed in me when I dont. What do you think, does it really matter that much?
Men can and do get disappointed if they dont make you orgasm during sex and it can make them feel inadequate however there was a survey on here a while back and you will find that alot of women never orgasm during penetration at all and others find it diffiult to. Ignore your friends! x
Probably a bit wierd coming from me as a guy, but no, it doesn't matter that much.
What matters (from a sex perspective) is that you enjoy sex together, and that you are able to satisfy your individual sexual needs. For some this may be having sex twice a day, including an orgasm every third time, for others they may feel they need to orgasm every time.
Many women just can't orgasm from penetration alone, and require clitoral stimulation to get there. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't stay in any relationship!
Of course, only you can decide if you get enough satisfaction from sex, and if you want an "O" during penetrative sex then you can work that in by either getting your partner to provide the extra stimulation, or by doing it yourself. Many guys actually don't take it as an insult if a little extra is required
not alot of women dont actualy orgasm threw sex alone most need stimulating 1st.y dont you get to the brink of when you think your about to cum then get your fella to penertrate you and see if that works i no it does for my oh.we worked at it and now we find that i can make her cum that way .like they say just keep practersing
not alot of women dont actualy orgasm threw sex alone most need stimulating 1st.y dont you get to the brink of when you think your about to cum then get your fella to penertrate you and see if that works i no it does for my oh.we worked at it and now we find that i can make her cum that way .like they say just keep practersing
See statements like this is what makes some women fake it!!! I could orgasm on my own but not with a partner until I met P but even that took a good few months for it to happen. I lost the ability to orgasm through sex alone after I had my eldest 9 years ago but when we realised what was happening we tried different ways until we hit on one that works for us (and still does). I wouldnt worry about it at all its best to go with the flow and you will be more likely to manage it if you are comfy with a guy and not pressurised. Good luck when you get your hands on a bloke mind!!!
I still haven't had the big O and it's our 4 year anniversary today. I don't think it matters at all although we both can get quite annoyed. I've often get annoyed because I don't want him to feel like he isn't good enough and he gets annoyed because he thinks he's letting me down. I've had friends tell me that they wouldn't stay with someone if the didn't orgasm every time from sex which I think is really sad. One friend even told me they wouldn't be able to cope without orgasms and don't know how I cope.
Yes sex is a great part of any relationship but I don't think that kind of pressure should be put on your partner.
I dont think orgasms are important although that being said my ex used to always ask me if I came, I would just say yeah as it seemed that important to him!
My OH is the first guy who can make me O within minutes of sex and I can pretty much come a few times... I think its all unimportant as he doesnt focus on it, I dont and it happens when it wants to!
its all about the whole experience in my mind :)
LoveHoney - Hella Rouge wrote:
I find this an incredibly immature view to hold, I must say. The idea that the conclusion to sex is so important that it outweighs all other reasons for staying together is simply absurd!
If a lover has concerns, you would expect them to be raised. A relationship is based upon communication above anything else and any communication would tell said partner that there is no issue, per se, but an orgasm isn't always on the cards through penetration for you.
Hear, hear.
I had my first orgasm at the age of 38 - but it never bothered me before, and it still doesn't now if I don't reach the 'big O' as I love the physical contact, the intimacy and the fact that I come easily and often.
If our sex life started going downhill for whatever reason, I know that I can easily talk about it with my OH.
If you are having a good time and enjoying yourselves then maybe you orgasmed without knowing - I know I have:)
I'm 30 & I've never had an orgasm. It used to get me down a lot but after some great advice from everyone here now I just try to relax & have fun & if it happens it happens.
Ugh, really? I'm lucky if I orgasm one in every 5 times me and the OH have sex. Considering we only see each other once a week, that means I can go a month or two (or more!) without having an orgasm from penetrative sex. And you know what? I couldn't be happier!
If a relationship isn't worth staying in if your partner can't bring you to orgasm every time, then you have to question if it was really a relationship in the first place.
Definitely what the others have said: it's great when it does happen, but big whoop if it doesn't. If the guy's ego is bruised, point out that it can't have been all that terrible if you keep coming back for more!
Honestly, if we start thinking that not only is an orgasm the only reason to have sex, but to be in a relationship at all, well, why bother kissing? or hugging? or talking to anyone, ever? In fact, just go lie in bed and rot, because nothing's worth doing if you don't cum from it. See, if someone gave you that as advice, you'd laugh. treat the 'dump him if you don't orgasm every time' advice with the same level of mirth.
i doubt there's any men out there that have this problem.....thankfully :)
I think it's a daft reason to not want to be in a relationship with someone and by their own admission stems from insecurity and fear of failure. Not everyone thinks this way as you can see from the responses on here. Like a lot of things: the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind!
I think most people want their partner to enjoy sex but the difference is whether you want this for your ego or your partner's pleasure. I get more enjoyment from my partner's pleasure than my own because I love him and want him to experience nice feelings etc. I do love it when he cums but it's in no way a prerequisite for the relationship and if for some reason he couldn't cum everytime I wouldn't go anywhere!
I think communication is important, if you tell/show your partner what works for you any decent lover will be more than happy to incorporate that technique/position/rhythm into sex. If you don't cum everytime, who cares - it's YOUR orgasm after all! Confident and experienced folk will understand this I'm sure.
xxKPxx
lilac_vix wrote:
Well I've mainly always been in relationships but am currently single. I have some conversations that have worried me a little with regards to female orgasm. Now I can get my self to orgasm, and often in sex but not generally from penetration alone and not every time I have sex, which considering my sex drive of wanting it a least once a day this is not unreasonable? Anyway I have had atleast three people say to me they wouldn't see the point in staying in a relationship with someone who they can't get to orgasm everytime because they would feel like a failure in that relationship. I know if I felt I had to orgasm it would certainly make it less likely. Does it really matter that much? I feel like being able to always orgasm has become like some expectation I can never meet and my sexually partners are just going be disappointed in me when I dont. What do you think, does it really matter that much?
Have those three people been reading Cosmo?
I have sex every day but porbably only orgasm 2 or 3 times a week. And *most* women can't come from penetration alone.
You should orgasm as often as *you* want to orgasm, not as often as your told you should!
Nothing more I can add to the fab advice from everyone else!
Adx
As a bloke ...
There are times when I seem to know I'm going to be more ...trigger happy ... than normal. If I think I'm going to come quickly I make sure my wife is 'looked after' before I penetrate her.
But even if I feel my staying power is going to be ok I make sure she's very close to orgasm before penetration. That way she comes 9 times out of 10.
Sometimes though she just wants me inside her almost immediately. Her orgasm doesn't seem to her to be that important - she wants to know that I want her (and given our recent history that's understandable) and that over rides her need for an orgasm.
i have never orgasmed through penetrative sex and yet my sex life is mindblowing! i honestly couldnt care less and im pretty sure darren feels the same. men that expect women to orgasm every time probably dont have much, if any knowlege of women and how they work. its the sex i find meaningful and passionate, not the ending
Orgasms are a bonus to great sex. I think it's silly to disregard someone based on one thing, especially since it's a factor with many variables. You can always just whip out toys if things are a bit more difficult...
I find it hard (ha ha!) to break out of the mindset that sex = orgasm, because when you're a bloke who enjoys playing on his own, it pretty much is. (Cue just about every man on here to chime in and tell me I'm wrong!) So when I want to give my partner the same pleasure that I enjoy so much, yes, I feel I'm doing something wrong if she doesn't reach orgasm eventually, although I'm quite prepared to accept her assistance getting there.
There is also the (possibly Cosmo-influenced) fear that if I climax and she doesn't, that I'm somehow being selfish or putting my needs ahead of hers.
However, I am learning to enjoy every part of sex for its own sake, and I have always enjoyed playing with and exploring my partner's body. It really is about so much more than "just" orgasm, and orgasm is more complicated than most men realise.
If you could and did orgasm from penetrative sex, and found a partner who for some reason didn't make that happen, then you might legitimately feel you were missing out. (But of course there might be redeeming features . . . Perhaps this is where your "friends" are coming from (ha ha again!)
yeah we know ..getting too excited was we