sex with chronic pain!

Hi! I suffer from a lot of medical/surgical complications that have left me in chronic pain. Does any one else suffer from it? How has it affected your sex life?any tips and hints you can offer!?

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i can fully understand what you are going through as my wife has lots of problems, all medical i should say, i can still make sure she enjoys our sexual play, but alas penetration is out of the question, i have found that i love basques and bustiers, which my wife selects for me. she helps to dress me etc and this way we both enjoy our sex life,

to actually climax i have a fleshlight from LH which if positioned correct means we can still be intimate, i dont want her to miss out on a sex life and i do everything i can to pleasure her

her climax seems to be increasing as we get older,or maybe at last i have learned her needs

hopefully you both can work it out and really enjoy yourselves

LH has lots of toys to play with

Mrs K&C suffered terribly with back pain for a number of years to the point she was unable to stand for more than 10 minutes. Certain positions were off the cards, certain days were off the cards. What your best doing is trail and error. Look for the most comfortable part of the day, a couple of years back her back would be agony by bed time, now it hurts more in the morning. So picking the time of day is crucial. Positions... Keep trying different positions (as long as you are comfortable), don't get stuck in a position too long either as things seize up. We are very fortunate that after surgery she seems to be in a much better place now (apart from first thing in the morning) so we haven't tried any of the position aids that Lovehoney sell, but these might be worth looking into for you. Wishing you all the best.

I have a chronic pain condition and a degenerative nerve problem. Plus a few other bits and pieces that mean I'm generally falling apart. I've also had hormonal and mental health issues which were more debilitating than any physical issue I've encountered to date.

I've found that being inventive with household items has been a great help.

Pillows, cushions, chairs, stools and handrails have all been utilised to good effect, as have pieces of fitness equipment like an aerobic step no longer used for their original purpose. I've even used exercise bands to hold the leg I no longer have much control over close to the other so I don't fall over!

This is all well and good when I'm feeling well enough for a bit of rumpy pumpy, but sometimes pain gets in the way. When this is the case I get a bit more creative with the timings of my painkillers.

My OH works away quite a bit but I keep the fires banked with toys and plenty of wanking. After years of abuse from a previous partner I feel privileged to still have the physical and mental ability to have a great sex life with my OH (and myself) so make sure I work at it.

I still love to have sex with my OH and will only give up my love life when I'm nailed into my coffin.

No lying back and thinking of England in our house - at least not for me ![](upload://h7LJ67OOrR57VDYrj5ZEwwHAfLG.gif)

I’m really sorry to hear about all of your chronic pain sufferings. In our case we suffer with a combination of grief and medical issues.

I have lower back pain which causes nerve pain and cramp-like feelings down my legs. What K&c30’s wrote describes it pretty accurately for me. When you know your body and your illness, you can more easily assess whether and when you can have sex. After experimenting with various positions and position aids, you’ll be able to tell what you are physically able to do each time.

Acceptance plays a very big part as well. Although I’m gorking on it and have gotten better, there are still times when I could physically have sex or masturbate, but I’m so sad, frustrated or angry, or I’ve worn down myself so much mentally that I still can’t have sex. I need to remind myself that some days are worse, and that’s okay.

Knight - sorry to hear you're grieving. From experience, I know it can be more painful than many physical issues.

Smultron wrote:

I have lower back pain which causes nerve pain and cramp-like feelings down my legs. What K&c30’s wrote describes it pretty accurately for me. When you know your body and your illness, you can more easily assess whether and when you can have sex. After experimenting with various positions and position aids, you’ll be able to tell what you are physically able to do each time.

Acceptance plays a very big part as well. Although I’m gorking on it and have gotten better, there are still times when I could physically have sex or masturbate, but I’m so sad, frustrated or angry, or I’ve worn down myself so much mentally that I still can’t have sex. I need to remind myself that some days are worse, and that’s okay.

You're bang on about the acceptance. The mind is so powerful. It can make or break you.

Obviously you can't just will yourself better, but you can learn to cope, just as you can learn to listen to your body and accept limitations.

It's taken me many, many years to accept and settle into my conditions and how they affect me. When I finally got it I actually started feeling a bit better physically.

The body (and mind) are weird and wonderful things.

VR - thanks, it’s my girlfriend grieving. Unfortunately it doesn’t get any easier.

My OH has a number of medical conditions and have found that the liberator ramp/wedge gives a lot of comfortable support. Also buy a wand, it never fails. Depending on whether you need support to hold your legs in position the bondage version may be worth looking at. It may seem expensive but if you have to balance quality against quantity and want to make those few moments count then look at reviews from other people with ailments or disabilities in other forum pages here.

Thank you all for replying! I’m sorry to hear there are so many of us in the same boat. We’ve got some toys, a couple of different pillows to see which offers the best support!! It’s all trail and error, and we have recently started to be intimate again (mental health problems as well as pain have meant we haven’t been intimate in a long time) and were prepared to keep trying to see what’s best. Thank you all xxxx

MrsR84, you’re very welcome xx

I forgot to add that microbead pillows (especially if you can find some larger ones) are great. You can mould them into a position and as long as there's still some pressure on it, it goes quite firm and stays put.

Hello! Over the past year my health has deteriorated which isn't great but I'm learning to cope. My joints often seize up and movement is restricted, the pain sometimes is unbearable. As my immune system hates me I often get canker sores under my tongue which causes a great deal of pain. Fortunately I have an understanding husband, if I'm having a flare up he will take more control so I don't need to be as active. If my sores are making an appearance he knows that there can't be any mouth based activities. We have a Liberator wedge, I'm saving for the other ones to help. It helps. I just need to know my limits, if I decide to push through the pain I end up being practically bed ridden and have to use my crutches for a few days after. Just try take it as easy as you can😘

It's truly amazing how many poor souls are out there in pain, I have all the usual pains that come with osteoarthritis and rhumatiod arthritis as well as having asthma and Parkinson's, I often wonder if I'm the only person walking around at unearthly hours with hot water bottles on my joints, I have used various pillows and strappings, but the pain seems to work out how to annoy me, I have started to rub magnesium gel into my knees and I must say it seems to be working, only my tip please don't think I am recommending it, see your GP first,

The best thing I have started to do is use the toyst I got from LH, it takes my mind off the pain for awhile, they do say pain is all in the mind, I bet the person who said this is pain free,

How many people suffer more in the summertime, that last summer we had I was in tremendous pain obviously it must be the pressure of the weather, is there no peace from pain,

I think a bit of sexy enjoyment is all that's left for us old dears,

I know what you mean, RosyCheek. Pacing is key, but if you're actually having fun you don't want to stop. I don't think I want to go into the in/outs (see what I did there?!) of my sex life at the pain clinic.

Jeffness (and everyone else, really) - magnesium is great for aches and pains. I would love to be able to throw magnesium salts into a bath and have a good soak, but they're out for me these days. I do soak my feet in them a few times a week and take magnesium supplements. I only know they're working when I've forgotten to take them and get the evening aches again.

A quick source of relief for me while I'm waiting for painkillers to take effect is arnica gel. I buy it in litres as I go through it in litres! For me, it's as effective a Brufen or Voltarol gels.