There is a good piece on anal play, for both sexes, on" Sex - how to do everything" which is available to download on Fiver ( or it could be 4 on demand?), if you can ignore Em and Lo - the annoying presenters, it offers good advice.
There is a bit where a woman does a man with a feeldoe or similar, your wife's reaction to that will tell you all you need to know.
I would be happy to induldge my husband with fingers or toys but there's no way I'd want to use a strap on with him, I think a woman has to be sexually very dominant and I know I wouldn't enjoy doing it to him - the fact that I know he wouldn't want it either has probably coloued my opinons somewhat though - he doesn't like his bum messed with at all. He loves to play with mine though.
I do think it's a bit full on for first time anal play though, fingers or a small butt plug may be a gentler way to go - if you went full steam ahead with a strap on it would be a bit of a shock to your rectum!
'm not sure about the need to be sexually dominant. While my wife is certainly very accomplished and self-assured I would certainly not say she was sexually dominant. I never have subscribed to the notion that the penetrator is dominant. After all, if a man is doing it right, he is taking his cues from the woman to bring her pleasure - and of course she is really calling the shots. I liken it to a horse and rider - the horse has all the strength and puts in all the effort but is the subservient one in the relationship 8-) . Of course, when being pegged you need to be setting the pace so its not really submissive.
I agree that you need to start off with a butt plug. Wearing one for a while will allow you to relax and get accustomed to the sensations, not all of which are entirely pleasurable - the feeling that you need to go to the loo for example. Eventually the pleasurable sensation from the prostate takes over.
As for the 'equipment' there is just so much choice - and doing the choosing together is so hot. We now use the Share XL but this is not a beginners toy. The dildo being soft is, in my view, almost more important than it being small. If you tense up (as you will occasionally to start with) something hard will hurt even if it's small.
My advice would be just go for it! what's the worst she can say?!! I would love it if my husband asked about this, it shows so much trust and i would find it highly flattering as well as exciting! Go for it! you'll never know if you don't ask.
and of course if you want to be subtler you could always ask her about how it feels for her and say you've always wondered what that would be like because it's the closest you can get to understanding what penetration feels like for her. There's always a way dude.
when i asked me wife about it i first asked her if she would be interested in trying some new, kinky and adventerous stuff that we have never even thought of before, she was happy to and for a suprise i bought a strap on and said its something id like to try and will do anything she wants to suggest. and we both found a big liking for using the strap on ever since :D
If my Husband asked for this, I would just love it!!!
I agree with all the other good advice, especially starting with some toys. As Gyrator53 points out, choosing together is great fun and we found that looking through the products on LH was a great starting point for discussing what we'd like to use/things we'd like to try because you can sort of say "Ooo, what do you think of that one?" rather than "I'd like to try XYZ" which doesn't really open up the chance for discussion.
We regularly have a peek on here and pick a toy each, so everyone's a winner!
From what I've read on this forum, there are many women who have thought about this and want to do it, and personally I would be flattered if my Husband approached me about this or something similar, even if it wasn't something I was interested in.
Yes, I couldn't believe it either. When I joined, I searched the topic because it was something I've fantasised about and thought I was being really odd. I was amazed at just how many other people either wanted to to it or already enjoy it.
It seems to me that there are men wanting it, women wanting to do it, but that neither is brave enough to suggest it! Well, not in all cases, granted.
As for the poll idea, if you want to know my status... Late twenties, been with my Gorgeous Husband for five-and-a-half years, I would so love to do this, but he is not so sure, so we're gradually building up to it, currently with fingers and rimming and general being in that area.
I told him about this fantasy about a year ago, although I've not been able to keep my hands off his bum since we met (it is super delicious!!!) so he's always been a bit suspicious I may want more of it, but it's always been a playful joke! We may never get to the point where he's 100% okay with it and therefore ready to try, but the build up is still great fun!
For the record we are in our mid 50's, married almost 30 years, and we have been into this for about 11 years (originating out of our "life is not a rehearsal" phase that lead to improvements in just about every corner of our lives). Although I'm sure my wife never thought to try it she agreed in an instant once I suggested it which was a pleasant surprise.
As an aside, I really like the look of suspenders but my wife hates wearing them so I miss out. However, the visual hit of the leather harness is very similar and more than makes up!
I would be happy to induldge my husband with fingers or toys but there's no way I'd want to use a strap on with him, I think a woman has to be sexually very dominant and I know I wouldn't enjoy doing it to him - the fact that I know he wouldn't want it either has probably coloued my opinons somewhat though - he doesn't like his bum messed with at all. He loves to play with mine though.
I do think it's a bit full on for first time anal play though, fingers or a small butt plug may be a gentler way to go - if you went full steam ahead with a strap on it would be a bit of a shock to your rectum!
Very good advice about staring small and working up, both from his bum's and her confidence POV.
Not sure about the dominant thing though. Sure, it's commonly used in those situations, but I don't think it's a prerequisite though. I have used one bnefore, but only on a woman; with men I have always been submissive - extreemly so at times. Yet this has crossed my mind over and over again over the years and recently my partner has admitted he's thought about it a lot too. I'm usually submissive to him but I'm really into the idea right now. if anything, the thought of doing it it is making me more dominant and him more submissive - rather than us doing it because we were already like that.
I had meant to add; it really does seem as though it is either getting more popular - or maybe people are becomming more open and less self concious so we're hearing about it more. It is perhaps less of a taboo (though it still is, very much to many peple, sadly) than it has been previously. Hmmmm... i feel a blog post coming on.
It's all good though. Even just discussing it has brough my OH and I so much closer - we've always been close and open, but it's taken it to another level.
I would be happy to induldge my husband with fingers or toys but there's no way I'd want to use a strap on with him, I think a woman has to be sexually very dominant and I know I wouldn't enjoy doing it to him - the fact that I know he wouldn't want it either has probably coloued my opinons somewhat though - he doesn't like his bum messed with at all. He loves to play with mine though.
I do think it's a bit full on for first time anal play though, fingers or a small butt plug may be a gentler way to go - if you went full steam ahead with a strap on it would be a bit of a shock to your rectum!
Very good advice about staring small and working up, both from his bum's and her confidence POV.
Not sure about the dominant thing though. Sure, it's commonly used in those situations, but I don't think it's a prerequisite though. I have used one bnefore, but only on a woman; with men I have always been submissive - extreemly so at times. Yet this has crossed my mind over and over again over the years and recently my partner has admitted he's thought about it a lot too. I'm usually submissive to him but I'm really into the idea right now. if anything, the thought of doing it it is making me more dominant and him more submissive - rather than us doing it because we were already like that.
I absolutely agree here! I think a strap on works like a penis in the sense that it's an extention of the owner...a guy can be dom or sub so I assume a woman who's packing can be either.
If a woman bends somone over wearing a strap on, grabs on tight and fucks them hard and fast then it's obviously more on the dom side. However she lies back on the bed and the partner goes on top he could very easily be in control...I think it's not what you've got its how you use it!
Yes! I find the idea of OH on his back, legs pulled up so I can watch his face and give him a 'helping hand' just as hot as bending him over - for different reasons.
Oh, and while on the subject and thanks for you opinion on the sysil gorgeous girl. Definately on my shopping list now :D
Yes! I find the idea of OH on his back, legs pulled up so I can watch his face and give him a 'helping hand' just as hot as bending him over - for different reasons.
Oh, and while on the subject and thanks for you opinion on the sysil gorgeous girl. Definately on my shopping list now :D
My OH has always been dead against it but I pretent to do him doggy if he bends over infront of me lol.
Like someone else said, I wouldn';t come straight in with the strap on idea. I can't imagine she will think you are gay but it might be a bit of a shock. Has she ever explored your ass before with a finger or bullet?? I would sudgest that first off. Communication in a relationship is sooo important so maybe you could just bring up the subject when your in bed one night. I have done this before with my OH and it normally starts off with "babes?" lol.
My OH has always been dead against it but I pretent to do him doggy if he bends over infront of me lol.
I do this! :-D lol its soooooooo funny, i also do it when his laying with his back to me.
always ends with him in fits of laughter!
:D
alone4ever wrote:
where has mwb gone not posted for 2 months after starting this thread
alot of people jst join here, ask for advice and then dont come back.
also alot of people join in for a few months and then dont seem to come back either so its quite normaly to be honest to see posts and posters like this around.
just thought i mention this as ive seen u say eles where about people not being around after there topic.
bigbrownblowjobeyes on our backs legs pulled up if we are thinking of the same possition that is more dom than been bent over for me, you cant pull away. but the eye contact makes it feel more of a 50 50 position in the dom stakes. being on top gives us the control yes. but isn't this just all the same for you in standard roll sex. chopping and changing the dom sub roll within a relationship should be part of a good relationship, if you have both got a 50 50 dom to sub personallity to start with if if you are more one way rather than the other, coming out of your comfort zone can real zing things up if you just relax and slip a little out of your possition in the dom sub stakes. switching from 100 percent dom to 100 percent sub in one fell swoop or visa versa will seriously mess with your head but you knew that anyway.
My point was that for us it is not about one being dominant to the other, although we already do that in other things. I was in fact saying quite the opposite, in that for us, it is about being closer and fulfilling fantasies. Neither of us is exactly new to power exchanges etc, but this particular thing isn't mainly about that for us. It's just another way to have sex/make love. Just because it feels good.
Besides, he has already stated that FOR HIM, being bent over is very submissive and new to him - the other way we already kinda know he is comfy with as we have played like that before.
I also don't think it always 'messes with your head' - not if you are naturally a switch anyway as I am, and have the level of compfort and utter trust we have - I'm just doing things a differrent way than I have been for a long time. In his case, ithat is very much baby steps, led by him as he is used to topping.
