I’d love any thought or advice on this.
Basically our birthdays are a day apart and coming up soon. My idea was to buy her something nice (she’s obsessed with nice pyjamas) and something a bit naughty too. Basically here’s a present for your birthday and here’s one for mine!
As much as she does have some nice bedroom only wear it does come out really infrequently and often under encouragement. She has commented before how she even feels she is “parading around” even wearing lace knickers around the house or to work. So she isn’t predisposed to lingerie generally.
I’d really like to do this but I’m really worried she feel pressured to like them and “be sexy” which in the past has always been a bit of an issue.
In the background to this, we are only in our mid 30s. I’m not sure if this will sound selfish or not (after 20 years together there is nothing superficial about our relationship) but I’d like to think we aren’t ready for an existence of all cotton multipack pants.
I’d say buy her the “safe” present and maybe buy her a Lovehoney voucher and both peruse the site for something mutually appealing? Been with my OH 40 years and it definitely isn’t time for cotton panty mutlipacks!
I agree with both of the above.
Generally speaking (sorry) ladies wear lingerie because they like it and it makes them feel good, whatever their definition of good might be i.e. sexy, naughty or just comfortable and confident so by all means buy her nice lingerie but go for something really nice that doesn’t scream ‘bend me over and take me now’ if you know what I mean? That doesn’t mean go for the cotton multipacks either.
Just let her enjoy it for what it is without putting pressure on her to wear it for you.
Hey @Team_Cooper - my missus sounds very similar to yours. I’ve come to the conclusion that buying lingerie needs to done either together or on her own (which would however mean it would probably never happen) - however we’ve been lucky enough to be testers for a number of pieces of lingerie from LH - some of which she’s loved! There’s been a few babydolls which aren’t overly ‘raunchy’ but are lovely to see her in, and she says they feel lovely - so much so that they are often worn for bed. There has also been a few more ‘raunchy’ items that are cupless/crotchless thar she has said she would have never chosen herself that she also enjoys wearing…so have you thought about something other than lingerie. I for example bought my wife a Womanizer clit suction toy for christmas many years ago (dreading what the outcome would be) and she loves it soo much is used a lot (and then more recently the Mantric wand). She often uses it on herself when she wants some ‘alone’ time but it also comes to play when we’re together…
Thanks so much everyone for replied so far. It’s great to hear some encouragement as well as others in similar situations.
I tried this a while back by buying her some non padded lace bralette type things and matching bottoms. Thinking they’re almost like the stuff she wears around the house but a little nicer and though she’s enjoy the middle ground between comfortable and sexy. However unfortunately they never get worn at all.
She’s fine with a chemise or babydoll type thing and will usually pop one and some nice pants on if I ask.
I’d like to ideally get something she likes to wear more and particularly through choice. Might not be possible though but I think something nice along the lines of what she has already would be ok as long as I continue to encourage it’s use.
I’m one of the cotton multi-pack brigade for most of the week, and as I’ve been working from home for 18 months, I’ve rarely worn makeup during this time either. But Saturdays are another matter; I do my hair and makeup, even if we’re only sat watching TV. This helps me feel attractive and we can treat it a bit more like “date night”. Me and OH will often peruse the LH site together to choose something or other. My selections started out very demure, but they have recently become more raunchy, which I wouldn’t have chosen a few months ago. Why not buy her a gateway item and then, with further encouragement, suggest a peekaboo bra, etc. I succumbed to the gently encouragement of OH and we both haven’t looked back! I even disappear upstairs of an evening and change my loungewear for the aforementioned raunchy underwear just to let him know when it’s time for bed Hopefully some gentle nudges will lead your wife along a similarly pleasing path?
Thanks for this.
She is much the same with regards to working from home and wearing really comfy casual clothes. Recently she has started to do some on-site work as well as a return to social things and it’s been great to see her getting dressed up, wearing make up again but I love her just as much with none of that.
Sometimes I leave some nice underwear out for her if I’m going to work or out for a few hours and usually come back to her wearing it and knowing what my intentions are.
I suppose my issue is this being her idea, her wearing these things because it makes her feel good as well as many other reasons and truth be told, it’s never been important to her.
The more general worry is the past experiences and context of all the above. Am I just going to be making things worse by doing this seeing as she already knows that I’d like to do this more and has full control over how much she does and chooses it be very little
Looks are often the primary consideration in lingerie, but fabric and texture are important. Why don’t you try buying her something flowing in pure silk? It is so sensuous to wear (and touch!) that hopefully she will want to wear it frequently. I know I would!
You could get her some sexy nightwear, LH have a selection of nightwear that you could have a look at. I’ve got this one, it’s soft and comfy but also sexy. I’ve just seen this playsuit too and there’s lots of nice cami sets too.
Or you could avoid the sexy lingerie/ nightwear altogether and get some nice massage oil, candles etc and surprise her with a romantic meal followed by a massage.
If you’re really worried that she may misunderstand a gift or feel pressurised by your choice then could I suggest that you try my solution which was to sit down with her and the LH catalogue and let her pick exactly what she wants.
I commented on a thread the other day where someone was saying his partner wasn’t interested in certain sexual acts that he craved. The point is this - don’t think about everything from your own angle.
To use lingerie as an example - I really love seeing my girlfriend in thongs. She thinks they’re incredibly uncomfortable (an analogy of “cheesewire between your crack” has been used ). She also likes high rise styles, which a lot of bedroom thongs aren’t. But… she also knows the vibe of I like seeing her in sexy underwear. Together, we looked and found some lacy Brazilian and cheeky-cut briefs in some seductive colours that really complimented her skin tone.
The end result was she was comfy and happy to wear them. I realised she looked happier and sexier than in a thong which had virtually no material.
In this case I’d say try to communicate and find out more. Because often the “problem” isn’t what it appears on the surface. She’s also more likely to appreciate you’re taking her views into consideration.
Putting lingerie out for her to wear for your pleasure could be seen as quite controlling so unless you want to be that person, you may need to back off and accept that she may never willingly take the lead and wear the lingerie because it’s what you like but for her own pleasure and comfort, or that she may actually feel at her most comfortable with a cotton multi pack.
Either way, and I’m assuming here, that you’re with her because you love her, let her be who she is rather than who you want her to be.
Sorry if that sounds harsh but the more you push, the further away from your ideal wife she’ll become.
My wife recently decided that thongs and G strings were no longer her thing and now wears really nice but full, practical, comfortable briefs pretty much all the time so if I buy her any, that’s what I get. What’s the point in wasting money on anything else?
She’s still the same person underneath and if I’m honest, I prefer them too
Not harsh at all and thank you for your input.
It’s clear that a lot of people have been in similar situations. Some through discussion have come out the other side with a great compromise and others have decided there are far more important things.
I suppose with her it could land either way and with the purchases I’ve made in the past, I’ve very much tried to consider that middle ground.
She is amazing and to be fair, although this is fairly important to me it’s an example of one of the only things that either of us want that aren’t fulfilled by the other. I’m very very lucky which ever way it falls
This is what I did he fist time we shopped with Lovehoney. Was a little concerned that Mrs PB would take a gift the wrong way. I bought her a voucher and asked her to put some items she liked into the basket and I would choose what to buy from her short list. I was massively surprised (an excited!) at what she added to the basket. In the end I added some more funds and bought pretty much everything she’d added. We had some great fun when we opened our first delivery !
Weve done this a few times now and gives us a way to try new things with each other. I would definitely recommend this, you might end up with much more than you bargained for
Good luck !
If you’re buying things and she isn’t liking them then maybe try pick something out together? And she could try picking something that she would like you to do/wear for her, but like people have said you don’t want to be too pushy because it could just make things worse.
I LOVE when my OH gets on top but I know she gets a bit nervous so I very rarely ask her, sometimes she doesn’t want to which is fine but sometimes she does it without me even asking and it’s amazing! Either way she always has a good time