so my and my bf have been together about 9 months and things have never really been that exciting, it was mostly just fine but fairly frequent at the beginning. Then I decided to try the contraceptive implant as I have tried pretty much every other kind of birth control with no luck and I wanted something long term (Pill, mini pill, injection and coil do not work for me). Basically the implant destroyed my libido and I rarely wanted to have sex and didn’t really enjoy it when we did. I have since had it removed and thankfully my libido seems to have returned but it feels like the emotional impact has taken it’s toll.
My bf has always had a fairly low libido and neither of us has had much experience being more adventurous although we have discussed it and we are both interested in trying new things. Problem is we seem to be too shy and awkward to do much about it.
We have talked about it and he said that because we spent so long not really having much sex he now feels a bit withdrawn and hesitant so he never instigates or tries to do anything other than the basics because he spent so long feeling like I wasn’t into it. I asked how we could improve that and he doesn’t know. I have explained that I also feel a bit unwanted and hesitant because when I do try to instigate he goes along with it but still seems awkward which is really offputting.
for example they last time we had a few drinks and started kissing and I suggested moving things to the bedroom and even though he agreed it still felt hesitant. I asked if he could go down on me and he did but things just didn’t seem to be working. I feel like I often have to ask for little things during foreplay that I almost always ask for yet he still wont do them without being asked and I feel like I can’t ask for more cos I would just be constantly asking for everything rather than just enjoying ourselves.
We have tried to talk about how to get into things a bit more without it being awkward but apart from going slow we don’t know what to do. It’s like I want to but I feel like I am gonna freak him out since even asking for oral seems to be a big deal. I have opened up about other things I wanna try and he said he would like to do the same but getting round to it seems like a far off fantasy.
I don’t know what else to do so if anyone has any advice it would be appreciated. Has anyone else been in a similar position and managed to turn things around?