Just wondering if anyone can give me any advice...
Online I find it easy to be bold, flirty and downright dirty but in person I don't feel remotely charming! I have a gorgeous partner who I can be confident with but we'd both like to explore my lesbian fantasies and my shyness with women is making this difficult. We have come close to having a threesome with my friend a couple of times but in the end she didn't want to go through with it and (obviously) I was happy to respect her wishes.
Anyone experienced similar difficulties or know a good way to overcome this problem?
Baby steps! If you're shy, being flirty and dirty will be difficult, even if you're used to it online. Perhaps get used to just saying a few, mild things, then work your way up!
I always get accused of being flirty which is rubbish as I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it. So with that in mind, just focus on being more friendly...flirting is apparently just an extension of that.
The second thing if you are looking to explore that element of your sexuality, I'd be inclined to look online for someone, that way you can stop emotions becoming involved, and ensure that its a one off. Also it allows you to play to your strength of being bold, sassy and suggestive when you chat. Hope that helps
Just wondering if anyone can give me any advice...
Online I find it easy to be bold, flirty and downright dirty but in person I don't feel remotely charming! [...] we'd both like to explore my lesbian fantasies and my shyness with women is making this difficult. [...] Anyone experienced similar difficulties or know a good way to overcome this problem?
I was shy once for about a minute when I was 5. Other than that I've had no experience of it myself. :)
However, I've been thinking a whole lot about shyness in general during the past few months, and these are some of the thoughts I've had:
Shyness is a whole package of feelings, not just one
Shyness in general is based on some kind of fear (embarrassment, failure, unfavourable appearance to others, etc)
"Shy" is a term frequently used by those whose package of fears are unexplored
Having a name like "shy" makes it possible for many to just say "shy" and leave it at that
So I would suggest that you have a think about what exactly you are shy about. Then you can work on why whatever it is scares you, how that prevents you from achieving your goals, and how you can achieve your goals by working through that.
As a start, I would propose that you feel confident online because most of you is invisible, and you can become totally invisible at any time, making online a safe-feeling environment for you. So why do you fear things in person which you do not fear online? What are those things?
Thanking you so muchly to everyone for your responses...I've been giving it some thought and I think my shyness from girls probably comes from some bad experiences with a girl. Basically she knew I liked her and kept dangling the possibility of something happening between us in front of me because she liked the attention. She'd kiss me if there were people around to see and would flirt a lot but if I suggested anything more she'd go cold. If I turned my attentions elsewhere however she'd get jealous and pester me till I was interested again then drop me again when it suited her.
I know it probably doesn't sound like much but it drove me crazy and all the mixed signals have made me feel utterly unsure of my footing when it comes to women! I used to be more confident back in girl's school...if I liked someone I just seemed to be able to flirt quite happily and could tell easily enough if the girl was interested. Now though....I think my gaydar may have broken and I'm clearly not giving off the right vibes anymore! I'm going to have to find a way to get my mojo back me thinks!
xxKPxx
PS Thank you again OA posters...you really are top banana :)
It was a big thing what happened to you. It was a bitchy thing to happen but confidence can be rebuilt.
My tip is to spend a day (if you can't a few hours is ok) pampering yourself. Have a long bath, paint your nails, wear a outfit you love and tell yourself at least two things about your body and two good things about your personality (I do this sometimes as I'm shy too). Then go out and have fun. Don't make it the aim of the night (too much pressure and not fun).
I used to be more confident back in girl's school...if I liked someone I just seemed to be able to flirt quite happily and could tell easily enough if the girl was interested. Now though....I think my gaydar may have broken and I'm clearly not giving off the right vibes anymore! I'm going to have to find a way to get my mojo back me thinks!
xxKPxx
PS Thank you again OA posters...you really are top banana :)
and the religious nuts seem to think that if you separate the girls and boys then they WONT think about sex. how wrong they are!!! x
Things like that are tough to get over. But just keep trying a bit more each day and eventually you'll get better at it. I've got RIDICULOUSLY low self-esteem, but once I started faking confidence, I actually became more confident because people were responding well to the confidence...
And that was barely a sentence LMAO But I hope you get what I mean ^_^'
I know what you meant. You mean by acting confident (even if you're not) people will believe you are, they'll treat you like you're confident and soon you'll just become confident as people are convincing you you're confident right? Or I am just confused as normal ^^'
Hahahaha! You're SO right...my love of women may have begun with a flicker of interest in Disney princessess but the flames of passion were definitelyfanned by years of exposure to soft and sinuous classmates!
I'm definitely gonna try the "fake it till you make it" trick with confidence that everyone is suggesting (how did you all get so wise!?! Do you perhaps visit a small, green sex-yoda?!)
I'll possibly swat up on some good gay bars to go to so that I'm at least not having to contend with the "is she, isn't she" dilema...I'm always nervous approaching women in case I offend anyone (there still seems to be rather a lot of predjudice about, a local girl got beaten up recently just for being openly gay).
Things like that are tough to get over. But just keep trying a bit more each day and eventually you'll get better at it. I've got RIDICULOUSLY low self-esteem, but once I started faking confidence, I actually became more confident because people were responding well to the confidence...
And that was barely a sentence LMAO But I hope you get what I mean ^_^'
I know what you meant. You mean by acting confident (even if you're not) people will believe you are, they'll treat you like you're confident and soon you'll just become confident as people are convincing you you're confident right? Or I am just confused as normal ^^'
Exactly right LOL It's hard saying that when I think no-one should fake anything but acting confident is something different in my eyes and it really works.
This leads me to wonder if confidence is actually real at all! Maybe it's just a myth to aspire to, invented to stop us all being so damn hash on ourselves!
Things like that are tough to get over. But just keep trying a bit more each day and eventually you'll get better at it. I've got RIDICULOUSLY low self-esteem, but once I started faking confidence, I actually became more confident because people were responding well to the confidence...
And that was barely a sentence LMAO But I hope you get what I mean ^_^'
I know what you meant. You mean by acting confident (even if you're not) people will believe you are, they'll treat you like you're confident and soon you'll just become confident as people are convincing you you're confident right? Or I am just confused as normal ^^'
Exactly right LOL It's hard saying that when I think no-one should fake anything but acting confident is something different in my eyes and it really works.
This leads me to wonder if confidence is actually real at all! Maybe it's just a myth to aspire to, invented to stop us all being so damn hash on ourselves!
xxKPxx
Not at all! It does come naturally eventually and to be honest...I'm MASSIVELY overweight and I don't think I'm attractive but I still feel strangely confident about things and that, I think, makes me more appealing than I would be...
Again, sense, I has none LOL But yeah ^_^'
It's quite funny cause being harsh isn't always a bad thing (I'm quite harsh when I practice) but being confident is natural, you just need to learn it sometimes.
I'm a bit over weight myself but once I dress up I feel so much more confident then if I was in dressed down.
Just wondering if anyone can give me any advice...
Online I find it easy to be bold, flirty and downright dirty but in person I don't feel remotely charming! I have a gorgeous partner who I can be confident with but we'd both like to explore my lesbian fantasies and my shyness with women is making this difficult. We have come close to having a threesome with my friend a couple of times but in the end she didn't want to go through with it and (obviously) I was happy to respect her wishes.
Anyone experienced similar difficulties or know a good way to overcome this problem?
Love and tickles
xxKPxx
I have the same shyness issues....I find I worry too much about lasting impressions, I do however find it easier to talk to people in situations where I'm know I'm never going to see them again after a certain period of time....So I'm fine talking to people on holiday or in a club! Would this be an easy way to achieve your goal of being less shy?
I mean by agreeing that if you were to have a threesome that you would never see each other again (the extra obviously, not your fella hehe)
Oooo you don't know what you've let yourself in for now love... one night you'll come back from brushing your teeth and find a high class escort in our room...
I mean by agreeing that if you were to have a threesome that you would never see each other again (the extra obviously, not your fella hehe)
Oooo you don't know what you've let yourself in for now love... one night you'll come back from brushing your teeth and find a high class escort in our room...
I think my shyness from girls probably comes from some bad experiences with a girl. [...] it drove me crazy and all the mixed signals have made me feel utterly unsure of my footing when it comes to women!
PS Thank you again OA posters...you really are top banana :)
I don't actually think it matters what your specific experiences were, although I'm sure it's interesting to work out. :)
So you've pointed to that experience as a reason why you're shy with women in general, but what exactly is it you're scared of from women in general now? I think it's unlikely you realistically expect all women to behave like that one did, or do you? I mean, you must have been poorly treated by men before yet you don't mention any shyness to do with them, do you have any?
So what is it exactly that you are afraid will happen if you approach a woman in particular?
KittyPurry wrote:
This leads me to wonder if confidence is actually real at all! Maybe it's just a myth to aspire to, invented to stop us all being so damn hash on ourselves!
For some reason, I've always had bucketloads of confidence, so I can totally promise you that confidence is real and can be had by anybody, I promise. :)
I mean by agreeing that if you were to have a threesome that you would never see each other again (the extra obviously, not your fella hehe)
Oooo you don't know what you've let yourself in for now love... one night you'll come back from brushing your teeth and find a high class escort in our room...
at least its a high class one and not a skanky ho!! x
I used to have massive shyness issues as a kid - got picked on, the usual package for nerdy kids alike.
never thought i would go back to a school. never thought id go stand up in fron of people and talk.
I did a PGCE, confronted some demons now not only do i teach (and well, I'm told) but i lecture physics to adults at degree level too - and enjoy it.
It took a lot of effort to gain that kind of confidence, and a great deal of bullshitting but if you talk loud enough, people listen. once you see ppl listening you suddenly have that 'jeez, i can actually do this' moment and it grows from there.
I went from being the quiet nerdy kid at school to the guy the wedding organiser came to at my best mates wedding to shut the drunken guests up long enough to announce the arrival of the food!
my lack of confidence shows in other areas still, ( dont do confrontation, im just shit at it) but im sure a wise man once said
that you use more, grows most. if he didnt he damn well should have done.