I would not go too ott on the setting to reduce possible freak-out ir performance-anxiety. I would also hide the Ipad when he is in the bath and tell him he gets it back after at least 90mins of just you and him. 90mins of attention is not much to ask after all ... Esp given context of restricted opportunities.
I agree with Gentle Giant, there is clearly an underlying problem here that he is not being completely honest about. He obviously knows that you are upset about this, but clearly this issue is too much for him to change that. Speak with him, tell him how much you are worried about your sex life, and how he needs to communicate with you to move forward with this. I find that writing things down before hand, even if you don't give him the note, keeps everything in the forefront of your mind before having a conversation with him, so you say all that you want to say. Best of luck to you.
I would agree about a background problem. Weight issues equating to him feeling less sexy, children excuses, he seems to be hiding behind these...maybe badly stressed?
Have you tried reverse psychology? Sometimes the more we push, the less the effect. Go stone cold on him and don't bring it up, make him ignite the fire. I will probably be disliked for this advice. But sometimes things can't be 'talked out' and sometime people read too much into a situation, assuming there is an underlying issue. (Even if there is an underlying issue, it can't be resolved until he is ready to talk anyway) It's human nature to usually want what you can't have... so maybe spend a coule of weeks simply not trying to get his attention in a sexual way. It might be the kick he needs... plus if nothing else is working, maybe it's worth a shot?!
I have already hid the ipad!! He should be home soon. but yes i do think there could maybe be an underlying problem. I think i may know what it is as its been brought up before, but i think i was thinking it was another his excuses. I wont go into properly on here for fear he may one day read threads on here and know its me been chatting. Hi Horny, yes i have tried that too, not mentioned it at all and ended up going out for 2 weeks, didnt even get it on certain day of the week routine!
Well like i said he should be home soon, so i will say goodbye for now and hopefully when i next come back on i will be in better spirit ;0)
Thanks again everyone for the chat, you have all been great. Speak soon.
Hi snow38, I have a similar problem in my relationship with my partner having a pretty low sex drive primarily we believe is due to the medication he is on for health reasons. I have tried what the above post suggests about not initiating etc and have went over a month without it when I eventually gave in. Last night my partner also fell asleep so I do understand how you feel this morning although I probably never had anything as exciting as you had planned. My partner works strange shifts and this also means he is very tired all the time and also is a reason for his lack of interest. I probably do not have much advice to be honest other than I wanted to share that others are in the same situation so you do not feel alone. I like others have said, use my toys a lot and plan my night if I am horney on what toys I will use in the bath etc when other half is asleep as he can go to bed at same time as I put my son to bed so I know when I leave my son's room he will be asleep. So I think about treating yourself to a toy just for you is a good idea. And what has been working for me recently is telling him what I want him to do in bed and talking to him about it the next day by text or on phone when he is at work telling him I really enjoyed that thing you did and want you to do it again. He has said that this at least makes him think about sex as he never does otherwise where as at the moment it is all I can think about. I am sorry my advice is not the best but wanted to share my experience too. I feel like our sex life is slowly improving with it being at least once and sometimes twice a week which is a major step for us. And not just a quickly which it would usually be in the past.
Horny glass lover, I do agree with this some times, it does work for a lot of ladies. You don't want to be pestered and just want some time. Not sure this would be good for a stressed man. Although we maybe cold and UN communicative we do need the attention we are very bad at showing or asking for a hug. I have no idea why this is. we some how just expect our OH's to know like a fairy tale or telepathy. Hers a tip if you are strong enough if things are crap or just quite. Walk up to your man put your finger on his lip look him in the eye as if to say don't talk and hug him .
Am laying up here in tears. He is downstairs.... wtf am i doing wrong? Have expressed how i feel to him, espressed howi feel so alone He has said he loves me witn all his heart but how how is that su9posed to be with him downstairs and me uphere all alone?? Have tred to tell him how i feel and once again been told im stupid. I have never felt so alone as i do tonight, what more does a girl have to do??? Xx
To be honest sweetheart, for now don't bother, get yourself a fabulous toy, a pretty underwear set for you no not for him chocs or a DVD of anyone you fancy,
Sorry if i have mispet things, thought a few bacardis might help, but thats not the case!! He yelled at me for suggesting that he is not interested no more, but when i mentioned how frustrated i was he didnt care. He said once agaib i was being silly and that it was all in my head. Im starting to feel that maybe ut is?? Maybe its all me... what a head fu k eh?? Xx