So I want to try anal...

I have been with my gilrfiend for 4 years now - sex is great and we have used toys for a few years to spice things up.

I really want to start experimenting with anal play, but I'm not sure how to go about discussing this with her.

Iam also looking for advice on any beginner anal toys?

Any advice would be appreciated!


Can I just ask, are you looking to approach the subject of being the receiver or giver of anal? That might impact the advice we give you a little bit.

Right. Well for starters the toy:

This just went live and I can't recommend it enough to start out with. Scroll down and you can see my review on it.

Hi there, the best advice I can give is to take things slowly and stop immediately if anything hurts or is uncomfortable. Make sure you use lots of lube - this is essential – I use either Sliquid Sassy or Lovehoney Anal Lube, as they do not contain any chemical nasties - but there are lots of anal lubes on LH to choose from:

Here are a couple of links to some great toys to get you started and also a LH Beginners Anal Kit:

I have also added a couple of Lovehoney Guide links which I think will be helpful :) x

Thanks for the great advice! I will look into the links!

I would like to be the giver - I didn't make that point, sorry. Though I might be tempted to recieve things in the future. Why not, right?


If she's okay with the whole idea but never done it you could start with a bottom massage and work Ĺ·our way in, the way she's really relaxed and you don't necessarily have to actually penetrate with your fingers so she would know that she can trust you touching in a new place, if she's enjoying that then you can progress to adding lube and sliding a finger in really slowly or giving her oral and pushing your thumb on her anus. Once you have the tip in then just pause to allow her to open up then progress to toys and sex xxx Enjoy x

Right. Well, approaching that topic is just like everything else in that you need to be really open and positive in your discussion. Communication is the #1 thing for any couple, but I'm sure you know that.

For me, anal was completely off the cards after a traumatic experience I had when I was younger. I must say, I was so uptight about it that if a partner said he wanted to do it, I would possibly have ended the relationship. Obviously this is extreme but there is a lot of social stigma out there and a lot of lies about pain, medical implications, etc, about having anal so it needs to be approached delicately.

What did it for me was having a partner that mentioned how much he'd love to do it to me and that it was a massive turn on to be with me in that way. There was no pressure and in the end I dictated the entire experience. He didn't once make me feel like a disappointment when I said no (even though that went on for ages) and I knew that anal was an addition to our already great sex life rather than something only for him.

I think what finally pushed me to say yes was doing research and getting advice from people here. It really made me feel that I was normal for wanting it. Maybe introduce the idea and suggest that the two of you do some research online together to see if she'd be into it. Good luck!

All of Scorpius' links are great (as usual) but as an addition to the one I've posted previously is this one. It  was my first anal toy and I love it dearly:

I would second bex1213 on this. My other half had similar experience too pushy exs who tried to shove it up without asking , constant nagging and pushing for it. Understably she had a pretty hostile attitude to it. She thought it was something blokes do to boast to their mates and that women only do it please them as there is nothing in it for them except a sore arse..

To change her attitude has taken a lot of work and support. To ask for it you need to show it will be pleasurable for her and that if you want to do it has to be on her terms. Do research and show it too her. There is plenty of stuff online that indicates it can be pleasurable for women if done with care. plenty of stuff from reputable sex specialist like Tracy Coxs blog and doctors.

And dont try something without asking, even a stray finger. You need to be honest that you want to try it.

illtakethehighroad wrote:

And dont try something without asking, even a stray finger. You need to be honest that you want to try it.

I would say this is great advice, the worst thing you can do is be sneaky and "accidentally" start poking around! I would also add, if she says no when you bring it up, leave it there. By all means explain why you would like to try and and let her know that if she ever wants to discuss in future you are happy to, but don't force the issue.

Thanks for the advice peeps!

Lot's of things I need to think about, but obviously number 1 is discussing it with her and not making her feel pressured about it!

Top tips!