So, what does a "normal" sex session look like ?

I've been with my current partner for about 8 or 9 years now, and have been making a lot of effort, or spending money anyway, in an effort to revitalise our sex life.

But its coming into focus that I dont really have a destination in mind.

I have this vage notion that our/my sex life used to be "better", more "varied" or "something", but I can not for the life of me put my finger on what I mean when I say that.

I'm certain there was more to it than a few minutes fumbling and then ten minutes of me on top, me on top with her legs up, or sometimes her on top, ending with a mutual climax, but cant put my finger on what.

So, what do the rest of you get up to?

More or less the same! Occasionally we will throw caution to the wind and have a bit of light bondage thrown into the mix or dress up but after a similar length of time together and with children we tend to just go with whatever makes us climax quickly because we are so tired!

Once you get older, you re-write your own history I think. My first wank (to put it bluntly) is still my favourite - but then again I was just a (can't really remember) 13 year old lad fumbling around not really knowing what i was doing.

If you still have a healthy sex-life after almost 10 years - think you are doing quite well.

Put aside an evening of fun where penetrative sex is off the menu.

Oral sex, yes but no pentrative vaginal or anal sex with penis (toys are okay). You'll find yourself trying new things. Blindfold her, tease her body, swap. Massage. Play with toys, bondage, restraint, sensation play. Buy some pegs, try wax, ice, hair pulling, being in control of each other. Dirty talk, spanking, take some private photos, mutual masturbation, anal play, intense oral sessions.

I don't advocate mixing alcohol and any kind of restraint but if you want some dutch courage to try things with the lights on - watch her cum - let her watch you - then a glass of wine will help.

Generally we have a sort of standardise routine after our years together, but we have a variety of toys to mix it up, we have light bondage (handcuffs, gag, feather, small whip & a blindfold), we have a few vibrators or different strengths and shapes, some bullets and I have a cock ring or two, a masturbator sleeve and a prostate massager, once in a while we just dig into our bag of tricks and have some fun. Planning and making efforts don't really work for us, occasionally we're just too horny for "vanilla" sex and have to let rip, then we're ok to go back to the "norm" for however long it takes to build up again.

Try maybe some costumes or watching some different porn or living out some fantasies. Maybe a different room, or a shower/bath? Be careful with Sofa's though, I jumped my OH so hard one night I broke part of our recliner, still ok to sit on, just not ok to recline on!

I have not been with my partner long enough for things to become routine. Plus, he takes forever to orgasm, so our sessions tend to be very long and varied. Also, we have domination session which are even more elaborate. I would not mind a little routine, though, say a quickie in the missionary position. He is always willing to help, fuck me in the morning for ten or so minutes, but the fact that he does not come makes it less enjoyable even for me. Heck, there are much worse problems.

Ms HKM's suggestion is quite good. If you don't enjoy dom/sub play, that' fine, but a session in which penetration is not allowed stimulates the imagination. Oral sex, toys, roleplaying are all good. Tie her up and play with her body without letting her, or yourself, come for at least half an hour, or let her do this to you. Say nasty things you don't usually say to her, be coarse. Read erotic literature, try things that one of you finds stimulating. Most won't work for you, but some might.

Sorry I was apparently unclear.

"I have not been with my partner long enough for things to become routine."

So what do you do thats none routine?

Was what I was going for.

Obviously in as none creepy a way as possible....

Ok, so what we do that's not routine?

As I said, our sessions are quite long, because it takes a long time and a lot of stimulation before he can come. We might start with some oral, maybe a sixtynine. I suck him and masturbate him for a while (if I don't he'll bang me for too long, and I'll become sore). Often he spanks me hard (I love that). Then he might enter me, often from behind, fuck me for a while spanking me (did I mention that I love being spanked?), then maybe some more oral and manual sex, then change position. We have a repertory of about fifteen different positions, and we like to change often, mixing it with more oral, both on him and on me, and some more spanking. Toward the end he'll often, but not always, enter me anally while I masturbate. And, always, we'll say deliciously nasty things all the time. I come many times, he comes once, and it's over.

I hope this was not too creepy.

Do you just mean you need some new ideas?

See for me the routine feeling isnt just about doing the same thing. Often that feeling can settle in because its the same person, the same techniques, the same moves, the same noises, the same bad habits and on top of that you get to know them deeper over time, a good thing yeh but also all the general day to day stuff, bills, kids, arguements and then like, a lack of wanting to try and impress because that initial chase etc isnt needed anymore. Things get stale.

What do I do. I decide to make an effort. Maybe think back to the start and the things we used to do and say things like "hey remember when...we should do that again" To be honest I am just really really upfront and I just come out with stuff truthfully. In other words I am not shy about saying "Hey I was thinking about trying this...wanna?" or "I didnt like that lets do it this way" Even when I get into a bit of a rut I tell him lol. I try to word it as nice as possible but it will come out. I aint great at pretending stuff is fine.

Its often a delicate subject telling someone your not exactly having fireworks but the same applies. I would rather know and I do remember once putting us "into a routine" because I had a particular fantasy I loved playing with him but it became almost every time and eventually he said "Look this is cool and everything but I wanna mix it up" I felt like "Oh shit, I see what I did here" If anything, I have a higher sex drive and often I have to hint a lot at trying something. Sometimes that does make me feel meh, like I am pulling the strings and he is just following not actively trying but I digress:

I would try more spontanious sex: You probably know the feeling of just sex before bed, in bed. Move it out the bedroom and change the times. I dont just mean pounce on him/her at lunchtime, set the mood at this time. Whisper something in their ear or cuddle up close, sext him/her at work or during the day etc Let them know you are "Thinking" about them, put ideas in their heads.

Build it up. Teasing, denial, its all hot! Why rush to the finish.

Play games: As above, teasing, denying, humour, roleplaying, make him/her super horny and make them "chase" you. Give a little, stop, tease etc. Just watch you dont actually go too far and frustrate then to the point of pissing them off lol.

Bring something new into the bedroom: A toy, A blindfold, A game, A spanker, Massage oil, porn.....each to their own of course.

Start talking more. Talk more during, talk more after...sharing ideas, fantasies, likes and dilikes will be ultimately what helps you to experiment together

Hope this helps. Id be more thorough but I have flu and typing hurts my had today erghh

Hmm. We tend to have sex in the same ways a lot of the time, but I wouldn't call it "routine", neither am I dissatisfied, because the sex is great. We practice BDSM, so there's a big power play element in our everyday sex life, which definitely adds to the hotness levels. We do what you describe really regularly, but I don't see it as boring.

No matter how mundane, even missionary sex can be super hot when my partner has that dominant, animalistic look on his face and is using me for his pleasure, while growling things in my ear :) I admit that the pleasure there is probably 60% psychological, though. I'm not sure, if you're not kinky, how you'd go about achieving something similar.

We also don't really restrict "sex" to intercourse... Mutual masturbation, a blow job for him while he fingers me, or a spanking/flogging session -- these are all things we do regularly to reconnect and be intimate that are just as satisfying (for us) as intercourse.

Without being boastful, our sex life is really amazing, and we're both happy with it, but I don't think that really has anything to do with *what* we do, I think it has to do with having equal/similar drives and equal/similar wants. Compatibility, compromise, attitude all play a part. I'm not sure how helpful this will be! :/