I'm new to love honey forums but have been a customer for a few years.
I'm in a very good relationship. My only beef is my partner doesn't like to be touched unless he's in the mood for sex.
No kissing, hugging, stroking.
But he's a very good lover, when he's in the mood. How do I get him to be more open to things.
He loves receiving oral but won't give it too.
First thing to do is to start talking, don’t jump straight in but make your way there gradually so you’re both totally comfortable.
Funandflithy wrote:
I'm new to love honey forums but have been a customer for a few years.
I'm in a very good relationship. My only beef is my partner doesn't like to be touched unless he's in the mood for sex.
No kissing, hugging, stroking.
But he's a very good lover, when he's in the mood. How do I get him to be more open to things.
He loves receiving oral but won't give it too.
Very good lover, loves receiving oral, but doesn’t like to be touched and won’t give oral? Doesn’t sound like a very good lover, sounds selfish and more than a little self centred sorry. What’s his beef with giving oral?
Hi and welcome. For us, love is being intimate (not inappropriately so) at all times. Unless he's pissed me off! When you say he's a good lover, how so? Can he pleasure you well in other ways? Has anything happened in his past that would prevent him from enjoying giving orally? KingGrthy is right it might be selfishness, in which case I wouldn't call him a good lover. I play devils advocate because it is only recently that I have opened up after a decade of my husband being very patient. We've always loved each other, but now we're really enoying each other. There might be a reason residing within him. Communication is key in all cases as Mr Pheebs advises.
Unfortunately I don't think that I have any advice to offer but wanted to welcome you to the forum, I hope that you figure things out.
Hay welcome to the forum. Don't have any advice on this but I'm sure a few will be willing to help. X
Funandflithy wrote:
I'm in a very good relationship. My only beef is my partner doesn't like to be touched unless he's in the mood for sex.
No kissing, hugging, stroking.
But he's a very good lover, when he's in the mood. How do I get him to be more open to things.
I had a partner like this, he was mostly insecure. Communication was difficult with him. After a while I just accepted this was the way he is and had to decide whether I could be happy in a relationship like this. Some people just don't want to open up or can't open up for whatever reason.
I'd tell him how you feel.
Communication, listening and consent are the keys here.
Try to communicate your concerns with your OH; give your strengths and weaknesses to him and open up first. Ensure that, if he feels comfortable to do so, that you listen eagerly and understandingly. Don’t jump the gun. Let him fully extrapolate his concerns and emotions. Have this intimacy conversation outside of the bedroom, not during the heat of the moment. Keep it neutral.
Remember that he may processing things personally that are causing these hinderances potentially. Don’t push yourself or your desires on him. Consent is imperative and both sides’ are as valid as the other.
If he chooses to open up or become more intimate, start small. Don’t expect his undivided love and affection too soon.
Hope this helps!
-HelloAll
My hubby isn't touchy feely but has improved over the years; will now hold my hand in public, lol. I am touchy feely so I will hug him, kiss him etc if I want to, early on in the relationship I could tell he tolerated it but now he is fine with it. He likes the physical attention. I do find sometimes that he is more forthcoming when he texts me as opposed to telling me face to face but all in all would say he has improved (for the better) over the years.
Hey FunanFilthy - welcome to the forum.
No better advice than talking... or trying to. Depends if he's a 'listener' or not, innit, I've had a few BF's in the past who just don't 'hear' what's being said...even when it's said in no uncertain terms, they just carry on in their own merry way! xx
Hey Funandfilthy - welcome to the forum!
Firstly, you can't/shouldn't "make" your partner do anything, whether it's a sexual thing you want them to do, or not. What you can do is discuss the reasons this has been on your mind, and talk openly and honestly about the importance (or lack there of) of physical touch.
Does your partner want to be more touchy feely? Or are they happy limiting physical contact to sexytimes? The reason I ask is that I'm not keen on physical contact other than handshakes / a QUICK hug to say hello or goodbye to someone or quickly pose for a photo and I have no plans on trying to change that. Within a relationship I do like the odd snuggle, but I'm definitely not a fan of always holding hands / touching / leaning on each other outside of the bedroom/sofa snuggles.
However, if your partner is aware that they dislike contact but would like to like it, then you can begin discussing the reasons they don't like it, and ways you can slowly introduce touch outside of sex. Which areas of their body are they ok with you touching? And how? Explain to your partner also why physical touch is important for you, and how you feel it would improve your relationship/intimacy/connection.
I'd also recommend checking out a great website called the Love Languages Test. It'll tell you and your partner what types of communication display love to the other (eg touch, talk, gifts etc) (It's a bit religious but if you scoot over the references to God, the information is really good.)
Good luck!
First off, welcome aboard the forums and I hope you find it fun and checked the rules, it’s always great to see new faces 🙌🏻
With your situation i would suggest communication is the first step. If you feel under appreciated and would like more cuddles and for your partner to be a little more physical then you can always ask to see why he isn’t like that. We can never force anyone to do anything and some people are just programmed to be less physical due to personality or things from the past. I understand it can be difficult to feel loved and wanted if you are a very touchy freely person and your partner isn’t, because you crave the intimacy. I have been in a very similar situation myself where a partner was never into holding hands or kissing etc and would happily live with an occasional sh*g which I respected but after years I felt unappreciated and lost, and the connection was gone.
Breaking up is drastic but I would say sometimes you need to know if you are compatible. And if your partner doesn’t like to go down, have you asked him why?. No one should feel they have to do something for someone even if it is your partner/husband/boyfriend etc, but if it’s just because he can’t be bothered then maybe you need to speak to him and be a little selfish yourself. It’s all very difficult to give information or suggestions as everyone is different, but the one key thing is communicating, speak to eachother and listen. I hope it all works out for you both and hopefully some of these comments will help.