Hi. Right long story but my husband and I seperated getting on for 3 months ago now things have been difficult I have rented a new place with our children nasty things have been said and done......anyway all water under the bridge. He seems to have realised what he has lost and is making a supreme effort to change things to win me back. I am rolling with this at the moment but a major stumbling block was our sex life or lack thereof - we have two children under 5 so I was permanently exhausted and never in the mood not helped by PND.
While we are working through things this is something that we need to address 11 years into our relationship things got boring bit of a missionary quickie so I felt I had done my duty. I want to rebuild on solid foundations and that includes this aspect of our relationship I am not body confident and I am not sex confident I want to experiment I want to try things together but I don't know where to start and how to approach it......
Anyone got any thoughts or advice from a similar perspective would be greatly appreciated.
Communication is always the vital thing but can be difficult - some of us just find it hard to discuss sex in an open way with our partners. Although we have not tried it some people find that using the Mojo Upgrage app on a phone or PC is a good way of you finding out what kinks etc you are both interested in without going throught the worry of the 'what will they think of me if I suggest this?' moments.
Communication is always the vital thing but can be difficult - some of us just find it hard to discuss sex in an open way with our partners. Although we have not tried it some people find that using the Mojo Upgrage app on a phone or PC is a good way of you finding out what kinks etc you are both interested in without going throught the worry of the 'what will they think of me if I suggest this?' moments.
Heres the link to this survey
http://mojoupgrade.com/
A couple of things I'd add, the first make time for love, it seems obvious, but starting a session at 11pm when one of you needs to be up at 6am (or earlier) is always gonna be a "quickie"
If you can, book a weekend away for you as a couple and leave the kids with Grand-parents if that's possible. There is nothing so liberating as being free from the demands kids put on their parents when you have some serious "us" time to recapture what got you together in the first place.
Sexting can open a few doors too, body image doesn't play a part and you can create a mood long before you are physically together.
Regarding not being body confident - have you considered bodystockings? They are very sexy, but you can also stay pretty covered at the same time. Most are crotchless so allow easy access without the need to get 'undressed'.
Also, and this may seem strange, have you considered a blindfold - for yourself - you immediately become totally unaware or your own body issues and can concentrate on enjoying what is going on - even better add some restraints so you become totally at his mercy, you may find yourself enjoying sensations you have never felt before. Under bed restraints are great as they can be left in situ and no one will know they are there - until its time to use them that is!!!
Regarding not being body confident - have you considered bodystockings? They are very sexy, but you can also stay pretty covered at the same time. Most are crotchless so allow easy access without the need to get 'undressed'.
Also, and this may seem strange, have you considered a blindfold - for yourself - you immediately become totally unaware or your own body issues and can concentrate on enjoying what is going on - even better add some restraints so you become totally at his mercy, you may find yourself enjoying sensations you have never felt before. Under bed restraints are great as they can be left in situ and no one will know they are there - until its time to use them that is!!!
Hi mrsp85 welcome to the forums. Having children myself I know how hard it can be to find time alone for more than just a quickly. As TD has said a night/weekend away would do you wonders even if you have to book up a babysitter/family member a month or two in advance in order for it to happen. Working on your mental connection is going to help improve your physical connection. Have you had a conversation with your husband about your sex life and things he may like to try? If we've been a week or two without sex I find starting off with a massage, candles and a glass of wine get things going again.
I will start by saying that I hope everything by works out for you in the best possible way. Last year me and my husband had some issues in our marriage which came about through lack of communication and time together. I was working 2 jobs, studying at college 2 nights a week and looking after our 2 young children. He was shown attention somewhere else and for a short time allowed it to happen. When it all came to a head we found the 2 things we needed more than anything were communication and us time.
Our sex life had always been amazing but over the 2 years after the birth of our second we rarely had time or the energy to have sex and when we did it was a quick. So now we talk a lot. We have one night a week where we don't look at our phones. We spend time together, talking, laughing, watching a film or playing a game. We also have one night a month that is just about us. It's bot always a night out. Tomorrow he is cooking me a meal and we will curl up for a film.
As for body image. I hate mine. I have lost a lot of weight and have ended up with lose skin. I agree with LNT that a blindfold is a great for helping you not think about it. If you want ideas for things to try I would definitely recommend letting him tie you up and giving him free range but you would need to communicate boundaries before hand and have a safe word so that you both feel comfortable.
Excellent advice already given. If you want to make a full evening of it then why not go out on some date nights . You could always wear one of those bodystockings underneath your dress for later. I think it will add that little bit of romance into your relationship . You could also tease each other whilst having a meal such as a game of footsie. Just make sure your not on an elevated platform so everyone can see.... unless you want to of course.
Our date nights helped us get much closer after around 4 years of just going through the motions of having sex .
Just an idea on top of those already given by the other members .
Firstly, you're taking the first step and trying to help the problem. Often, that's the biggest hurdle. I don't have kids, but I know how much getting cats that sleep in bed with us affected our sex life! You need to find a way to get some time alone. If you don't feel happy sending the kids to a grandparent or similar overnight, can you find some time in the day? Afternoon nookie always feels delightfully indulgent. I don't know about you, but I always find it difficult when I'm thinking about the things i 'should' be doing. Know that your marriage is more important than the hoovering.
Maybe you can also find ways to make midweek quickies more exciting, as in a busy life they're kind of inevitable. Is that vibrators, lubes, blindfolds? Find what works for you - the experimenting is most of the fun!
My favourite lingerie for concealing my wobbly bits is a babydoll nightie, especially one with an underwire. I feel sexy, you can team it with stockings if you're not keen on your legs, and it just glides over all the stomach and hips. And the boyfriend is very happy!
Good luck, and don't be afraid to make mistakes. Xx
I would really recommend the board game Monogomy, available from here at Lovehoney, here: https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=662 We bought it after reading many positive reviews and it is indeed great. Very sexy but not ONLY sex, with lots of other instructions as simple as "pay your partner a compliment". You can adjust how you play depending on the time you have, advice on that is in the instructions. You can also filter out cards that are too much for your own tastes (though of course pushing boundaries can be part of the fun). Read the other reviews too; I'm surprised it hasn't been mentioned here already. Good luck!