Starting again


I am a 57 year old male, married over 30 years but not had sex for a long long while (years) thought it was just me getting old as I am a grandfather.just had no sex drive urges but still found the female form good to look at so did not think I was changing side. My OH has been very understanding with me and has put up with me.

I recently had blood tests which found my testosterone levels were non existent and have been for a number of years due to other symptoms that are associated with this. I am now on replacement gell and getting urges again.

Have any other members been through this and how did you start again?

I have ordered some items still in post to hopefully start this.

Hi welcome check out the LH Welcome page -

Why not introduce yourself in the Newbie Initation Test

We are all a lovely bunch of coconuts have fun & enjoy LH x

Glad you have found a reason and getting yourself sorted x

Hey. Just wanted to say welcome to the forum. Hopefully the hormone gel will help things out. I know a lot of members in here have experienced times when they have lost there libdo for one reason or another, so don't be afraid to talk about it. Everyone's lovely and we won't bite ... Well not unless we are asked too lol x x

Welcome to the forum :-)

My advice would be take it slow, rediscover what you and your wife enjoys and have fun.

Treat it like you and your wife just met and your getting to know each other again :-)

Double post :-\

lillithlibby wrote:

Welcome to the forum :-)

My advice would be take it slow, rediscover what you and your wife enjoys and have fun.

Treat it like you and your wife just met and your getting to know each other again :-)

I don't know what it must be like for you but I think this is some sound advice. Taking it at a pace you're comfortable with is all I can really suggest.

Best of luck :)

Hi, thanks for support and advice so far, I have been reading other posts and answers as suggested and found that I have not been alone with this but have been a complete pratt and not done something about it sooner meaning we have both been missing out especially since the chicks have left he nest!

I'm in almost an identical situation.

I'm 48, and the last decade has been mostly sex-free. Having a bawling child, and the stress of redundancy certainly contributed to everything going downhill, but performance went in the same direction. That becomes something you don't want to repeat too often, and the "easy" way out is to ignore sex.

Unfortunately, that pretty much triggers a gradual decline in the whole relationship, and in hindsight can't be recommended.

It took me ages to get the gumption to talk to the doctor. I'm overweight, and knew the Doc would want me losing weight, so I only felt comfortable talking about ED once I had got weight loss started.

The first clue I had about this being a testosterone problem was when the Doc asked me to repeat the blood tests, but specifically at 9AM (and the receptionist wasn't willing to book me in at 9:10, so it took a month to repeat!). This gave me fodder to search online, and find the varying advice.

I was staggered at how many symptoms I was showing for low testosterone, but it is hard to get anyone to take basic tiredness, fatigue and a lack of oomph as anything serious. My first reading was 5.6 nmol/L.

Right now I'm about 10 months into the gel treatment, and it took over 6 months to get the dose right (don't get blood taken from skin that you rub the gel over!). I take 1.5 sachets per day, and we're targetting around 20nmol blood levels. A single sachet wasn't enough to properly restore morning wood - which is a symptom I hadn't really notice as it disappeared.

The testosterone isn't enough to fully fix my ED problems, even at a higher dose. At the moment, Cialis adds the final kick, and gives an erection better than I had as a teenager (was my testosterone low all that time too?). I'm not sure either has kicked my libido into top gear yet, but that is a much harder symptom to measure.

So the plumbing is getting fixed, but fixing the relationship is so *much* harder.

After a decade of mistreatment, the relationship needs to rebuild more than just the mechanics of sex, but also the elements of intimacy, touch and trust. These take time, even if things went swimmingly, but previous fractures mean that things don't go in a straight line.

We've found that talking works best. Talking delicate, intimate stuff that we would never have mentioned before. Right now, we're (temporarily) a long distance apart, so we talk at long length on the phone, about what works and doesn't, what we want and don't want. What built things up when we get together at the weekend, and what didn't work so well, or actively broke.

Of course our child, now a teenager, is still a hurdle - very much at the "Ewwww" stage when her parents even appear to be making eyes at each other!

So, I agree with the "take it slow, and re-discover" advice, but make sure you add a lot of talk about the situation.

Lovehoney has been a great help. Both in terms of supplying toys, lingerie and "stuff", but also in terms of inspiration. We can both look at the website while on the phone, and talk about products, pictures and reviews. What turns us on (or not), what is comfortable or beyond. Plus talking about posts we see on the forum. It all helps fuel the conversation.

If things are tough, then you might like some more reading material to help things along. I've found two books useful:

"The Sex Diaries" by Bettina Arndt, (first chapter here: ), and
"The Sex-Starved Marriage" by Michele Weiner Davis