Hi there! You're not alone, and I certainly hope this doesn't make you feel like you're 'broken' in some way - you're not! I struggle with the same thing too, and the closest I've got to it was a teeny tiny one with the We-Vibe Tango, but every other time feels just like I'm rolling a boulder up a hill, and after a while the boulder just rolls back down without me ever reaching the top. I've tried the gel too and didn't do anything for me either.
I think what's helped me is taking the time to think about why I want an orgasm...and for me it's mainly so that I know what it feels like. I just want to satiate my curiousity. Knowing that helped me to reassess things and realise that yes, I still want to orgasm, but no, it's not everything. I now no longer masturbate hoping to orgasm. The one time with the teeny weeny one just kinda happened and I only realised it after.
Betty Dodson pointed out in an article that our ideas of what an orgasm is is very much shaped by the porn industry, but everything there is so exaggerated and might not be true for each of us. Some people won't have the eye-rolling, leg-shaking experience - could this be you maybe?
I've not really offered a solution, and I'm not sure if anyone can, but I think it's important to not stress yourself out over it (I definitely was). Think about why orgasming means this much to you (which I think is a perfectly normal response) and in the meantime, learn to enjoy your sexual experiences and try new things :) I saw in a previous post that you've got a really supportive partner - that's really good! Direct him to stimulate you in ways that feel good, and if something feels exceptionally better, get him to keep it up until it doesn't. None of this is "giving up", it's just adjusting goalposts.
For myself, I'm just trying not to focus too much on trying to orgasm, and am also keeping an eye out for the satisfyer/womanizer - if only they weren't so expensive! Eager to see if they live up to their claims :P
Sending you hugs in the meantime! There are more of us out there than you might realise, and that's okay :)