Submissive or dominant?

Just a thought but is it mainly the case most women are dominant in the bedroom or submissive?

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Hey @user180,

Please have a read of the forum rules - topics have to be open to all and not aimed at one specific group of people :+1:t2:

I’ve edited your post accordingly :blush:

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We’ve only recently moved to a BDSM relationship but I definitely wanted to be the sub so she is learning to be the Domme. It’s not her natural condition but she’s taken to it very well.

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I’m the Dom, she’s my sub. When we go to clubs and parties I’d say it’s a pretty even split.

It would be interesting to see the statistics for it, especially to compare tops vs bottoms in kinky and vanilla relationships/dynamics (since there’s usually a top/bottom role even if people don’t identify it as such). It would also be intriguing to see stats for kinky vs vanilla in hetro and non-hetro relationships.

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During my life I would say probably 90% of women have been submissive and when I was younger I took the dominant position . As I got older the excitement level for me of being a sub is off the charts . I still remember the first time I was tied to a bed and used as her personal sex slave , OMG !

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No.

Well, it depends on the person who you are with. I can be dominant or submissive and it depends on the person I am with. I love to be submissive and when I am with a female who i know is submissive then I become dominant.

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My partner tends to be the dominant but I love it that she’s in charge,there are occasions when she likes me to but for the most part it’s her in control

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My OH is definitely the dominant one, she used to work as a dominatrix with her aunt. Still does on occasions but she pretty much controls everything sexually with us.

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I’ve just answered a different post actually:
I wish my wife was more dominant, just occasionally

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I can be submissive but under my terms, e.g. No hair pulling, facials or face tucking or anything in my opinion I feel is degrading either to me or my hubby. I could never even in p!ay tell hubby he was useless or insult him in anyway but I can be a dom and plan a bit of that when my outfit arrives already got the flogger and the sloppy things.

Mind you he’s going to watch football in Exeter next Saturday and staying over in a hotel so will have to wait. His loss.

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I’m the dominant one with my current gf. Ive either been dominant or equal with my partners.

Ahh.. I gotta love being an alpha submissive :face_with_hand_over_mouth:

I can be a hard read. A lot of people think I must be Dominant because I can be dominant, but I’m not.

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Totally agree with this, I love being submissive if its the nature of submission I’m personally into and agreeable with. I don’t feel safe or respected at all with things I see in a lot of Dom porn, not to yuck anyone’s yum but while I can definitely get behind a little hair pulling, spanking (buttcheeks only, hit my back or thighs and I’ll punch one’s d!ck) and some very light ā€˜bad girl’ or slut talk, calling me a b!tch, wh0re and other degrading things doesn’t do it for me, and I couldn’t do it to my husband either. All to be communicated or at least respected when it crops up (ha, crops…)

I love playing Domme as well, doesn’t happen nearly as often as I’d like - I love calling him a dirty girl and slapping and stroking him just how I know he likes it, laying out the toys and having him choose what he wants me to use next, there’s something so thrilling about pleasing them without either of you feeling used and abused (though sometimes I get people can also like feeling ā€˜used and abused’, but that’s probably a different level of conversation.)

All of my partners I’ve made sure to have opportunities where we switch - I’ve never allowed anything done to me that I’ve not also done to them in turn, I like an even playing field - I caught an ex once telling his friend group he’d ā€˜got me to do anal’, so naturally I replied ā€˜I got him to do anal too’. Didn’t feel quite so cool then, but if you ever feel like someone has ā€˜got you’ to do something instead of doing it ā€˜with’ them, there’s already something wrong.

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It would be kind of interesting to see if there’s a correlation for hetero/gay and kinky/vanilla relationships and how many identify as a top or bottom, similarly as the original post asks if most women are typically sub or dom, but I feel it would be very presumptuous and the survey in question would need to be fairly clear cut in its descriptions to be a fair representation of the test audience - what one person considers vanilla, or what makes one a sub or dom by definition, might not be the same as another, and for those a bit deeper on the ā€˜kink scale’, what makes someone more hardcore or kinky/less vanilla?

Is ā€˜kinky’ just defined as enjoying more positions than missionary, and branching into BJs and perhaps as far as anal? Some consider both of those vanilla these days but some definitely still do not. Age/generation, disabilities/health and culture/religion also play a role at times, and sometimes they really don’t.

Then going further, is role play and dress up on the same level as light asphyxiation and spanking vs full on BDSM/dom/sub and slave play? Few too many variables here to be a fair question.

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That’s awesome, good for her/both of you - but I hope you are able to give her a good seeing to as well, if it isn’t her usual preference. Switching is healthy if its something you both enjoy :two_hearts:

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No switching.

She’s full time Domme. I’m full time feminised sub.

I haven’t been inside her for a couple of years now.

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Totally submissive and feminised full time.My wife is my Mistress and Domme.However sometimes she is submissive to one (or more) of four older male friends we have ā€œfunā€ with.Even this though is a form of domination/humiliation play for me whereby she is letting other men do various sexual acts with her which i am not allowed to do thereby subjugating me further.I truly love her and this lifestyle.

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If your name is anything to go by, you’re a year younger than my husband. I dread to think what would become of me if I told him he was getting too old to be Dom all the time and should let me take over sometimes instead :rofl:

@JGood if I don’t recall, you’re getting a bit crunchy as well, aren’t you? Perhaps and since you’ve retired from the scene now, you too would be willing to let us subs take over… :face_with_open_eyes_and_hand_over_mouth::wink:

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Got it. Adding ā€œcan’t. Crunchy kneesā€ to my arsenal of reasons I can’t do things :wink:

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