Have to admit I didn't read all of it, but my gf and I happen to have great sex, with orgasms, and still be romantic and affectionate and everything else as well.
So why would we need to not have orgasms?
To be perfectly honest my OH and I have discussed doing this without actually knowing it was a "technique".
As for men embracing this and finding the whole intimacy idea a shock to their usual thinking/habit- I can understand that. My partner had happily enjoyed a good sex life before he met me but none with any real substance emotionally. Meeting me was completely different, he actually loved the intimacy of it. He'd get such a kick out of just seeing me there naked besides me.. but doing nothing but looking at my face, feeling very much content. =P
We talked about literally just being "as one" (without sounding too corny) all night, for this to happen we may or may not reach orgasm, but the intimacy of it is what we want. We usually start off really touchy feely but get into the moment and reach the big O. It's a nice thought though and one we will be discovering more of. =)
I think a lot of people get so used to reaching an orgasm in sex that it's literally the only goal when going at it. People lose the intimacy and closeness behind sex. This technique is ideal to put that spark back. I like the idea simple because my partner and I like being so close to eachother, with or without reaching the big O. If we reach it, great, if not, it's just as well.
Nymeria wrote:
As for men embracing this and finding the whole intimacy idea a shock to their usual thinking/habit-
lol Nymeria dont want to accuse you of sexism but it isnt purely a male thing, there was a thread started by a lady who had the problem the other way, maybe everyone has a need for intimacy and friendship/closeness but not all couples have the same need.
For me and my OH we can be as close and intimate clothed and in conversation as nekkid in bed emotional intimacy is I believe closer than the physical kind, and I'm a guy.
ShaftMaster wrote:
Have to admit I didn't read all of it, but my gf and I happen to have great sex, with orgasms, and still be romantic and affectionate and everything else as well.
So why would we need to not have orgasms?
You've put the 'need' in the wrong place in that sentence. The approach isn't to avoid orgasm altogether, but to let that be secondary. Most of the article is about short-term, or an alternative, or therapeutic uses. One couple mentioned is long term with it and they still orgasm, just not as the goal.
Try thinking of it as another edging technique.
no orgasm !!!!!!!!
seems pointless then
rose hip wrote:
ShaftMaster wrote:
Have to admit I didn't read all of it, but my gf and I happen to have great sex, with orgasms, and still be romantic and affectionate and everything else as well.
So why would we need to not have orgasms?
You've put the 'need' in the wrong place in that sentence. The approach isn't to avoid orgasm altogether, but to let that be secondary. Most of the article is about short-term, or an alternative, or therapeutic uses. One couple mentioned is long term with it and they still orgasm, just not as the goal.
Try thinking of it as another edging technique.
Ok, fair enough, thanks for pointing that out.
gunther wrote:
Nymeria wrote:
As for men embracing this and finding the whole intimacy idea a shock to their usual thinking/habit-
lol Nymeria dont want to accuse you of sexism but it isnt purely a male thing, there was a thread started by a lady who had the problem the other way, maybe everyone has a need for intimacy and friendship/closeness but not all couples have the same need.
For me and my OH we can be as close and intimate clothed and in conversation as nekkid in bed emotional intimacy is I believe closer than the physical kind, and I'm a guy.
Have to agree with Gunther on this. I only first had sex at 25, with my long term gf, so I've only ever known sex with someone I love, but even before that, the reason I waited is because I didn't want to do it with someone I didn't have a strong connection and bond with, so that it would actually mean something as opposed to just a physical act.
I do struggle to orgasm through sex and generally am not interested in it. We use these techniques for more meaningful making love sex. However, we do also have hard fuck sex too.
I can see the signficance for many couples, it encourages you both to take time to listen to yourselves and each other. If that leads to you both being able to achieve and give each other orgasms too then that could be a hit.
gunther wrote:
Nymeria wrote:
As for men embracing this and finding the whole intimacy idea a shock to their usual thinking/habit-
lol Nymeria dont want to accuse you of sexism but it isnt purely a male thing, there was a thread started by a lady who had the problem the other way, maybe everyone has a need for intimacy and friendship/closeness but not all couples have the same need.
For me and my OH we can be as close and intimate clothed and in conversation as nekkid in bed emotional intimacy is I believe closer than the physical kind, and I'm a guy.
I was referring to the article. I am aware it was a sweeping generalisation, but I was just saying that I could understand it, personally. =]
Also, I think we desire the physical contact above all due to the nature of our relationship- being mainly long distance. We make up for the lack of physical contact when we're with each other. But yes, I love my hugs the most.
I don't see the benefit in actively avoiding orgasms although I do prefer the idea that I don't have sex with the intention of having an orgasm. For a long time I couldn't achieve orgasm unless I did it myself and if my partner became very focused on them being able to give me an orgasm for the sex to be good, it made me feel very insecure and inadequate that I was unable to do this thing than men needed me to be able to in order to enjoy sex. I have had numerous men tell me they wouldn't date a girl they couldn't bring to orgasm :(
lilac_vix wrote:
I have had numerous men tell me they wouldn't date a girl they couldn't bring to orgasm :(
I'm guessing those are the guys that would think it reflected badly on their performance?
ShaftMaster wrote:
lilac_vix wrote:
I have had numerous men tell me they wouldn't date a girl they couldn't bring to orgasm :(
I'm guessing those are the guys that would think it reflected badly on their performance?
I guess so, I think orgasm has been hyped up to the point it has become the 'holy grail' so to speak.
lilac_vix wrote:
ShaftMaster wrote:
lilac_vix wrote:
I have had numerous men tell me they wouldn't date a girl they couldn't bring to orgasm :(
I'm guessing those are the guys that would think it reflected badly on their performance?
I guess so, I think orgasm has been hyped up to the point it has become the 'holy grail' so to speak.
I don't mean to generalise, but if some girls pander to it and fake as much as movies/tv have us believe, I guess it's a vicious cycle...
oh yes my life would have been much easier if I'd just faked it, but I just couldn't. A lot of women do because they think its what a man wants and they will be rejected if they aren't having one. According to Jim Jeffries men fake it too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPdbvpjoq70 (there is swearing and adult content in the joke)