A friend has confided in me recently that the sex with her new partner isn't very good...! I advised her to try talking to him about sex in general, finding out what he likes etc but apparently he's a little shy and seems to find it difficult to talk about. She says he is good with his hands but otherwise he is generally lacking any passion and totally lacks any rhythm, so even when she is on top he either just lies there or if he joins in he is always out of sync and it ends up getting awkward! Although he has had more sexual partners than her he doesn't seem to have much confidence and she has apparently heard him muttering something that suggests he knows it's not good...poor guy!
Having never had this problem myself I do my best to reassure her but we continue to muse about how easy it is to teach someone good sex? Any tips and advice people?
HOW TO TEACH GOOD SEX TO A LOVELY BUT UNCONFIDENT SHY GUY WITH NO RHYTHM?!
I consider myself to by one very lucky guy because I had an amazing sex teacher for my first real sexual experience.
I have only had three sexual partners in my life.
I was a very shy lad who went to an all boys school, so had not had much interaction with girls. I became good friends with a friend of my mother who was eleven years older than me.
We had a really good friendship for over ten years before it became clear that there was a sexual attraction between us.
So what did my older women teach me about great sex?
Sex is best with a partner who you know well and trust.
You should be totally relaxed and not feel under any kind of pressure.
If you are relaxed things will come naturally.
My first session of full on sex lasted for five hours and apart from anal there was not much we didn't do.
What I would also say is that a great sex life requires good communication and at times has to be worked at.
I have been married for 22 years and our sex life now is as good as it has ever been.
Yeah thanks guys. That's basically what I have been saying too. It's still early in their relationship so as they trust each other more it will become easier x
Yeah thanks guys. That's basically what I have been saying too. It's still early in their relationship so as they trust each other more it will become easier x
...and 5 hours??!! Goodness gracious me!
It was a long time ago and still one of the best sex I have ever had!
Maybe if they build up their physical and emotional relationship together by doing something fun like salsa dancing or some sports together like kickboxing, yoga or going to the gym. They would both learn rhythm and would be building on their relationship together. Plus he would feel better because of the increase testosterone in his body and it would build thier self-esteem.
Personally when me and my girlfriend work out together it’s great fun. Plus when we feel good about our body we have a lot better sex, and it last a lot longer to which is good for us but not the neighbours.
Sounds like it's going to take a lot of patience! I think it would be best if she lets go of any desire for intercourse (and say, "sex is not so important for me, just being close is what i want") so he doesn't feel pressured and instead, slowly slowly, tells him, building with one more request each time, "I would really like it if you......stroke me, touch me here, kiss me like this...etc" and then when he does she should give him a lot of gratitude (not praise since he's not a dog). Then he'll feel like he can please her without having to involve his penis, which may be scary (it's amazing he can get it up!). In my experience, this gratitude, "wow, the way you touch me feels amazing, thank you so much, i really needed it" can really make a man gain confidence and boosts his masculinity and if he's a good guy, he'll keep repeating these things and get better at it. Then after some time she can add more genital play. And then, when he feels totally safe with her, maybe he will open up and express what he likes, because probably right now he doesn't feel anything since he's so frozen and freaked out.
So, most importantly, she shouldn't ever rag on him or make him feel incompetent or small in any part of the day. She should tell him what a man he is, and how hot he is, and how good she feels with him.
It is our responsibility as women, to teach men how to be a good man and how to please a woman, not only for ourselves but for our sisters who will date this guy after us. I have many times been grateful to previous women in my men's lives! A guy can't figure it out all on his own!
If this method doesn't work after a few months, then either something drastic has to happen or it's time to move on. Good sex is so important in a relationship!
I recommend talking to him and compliment his good points , he might be bad at sex cause he's low on confidence. It's a massive things of having sex. There's nothing bad of talking what to do during sex as it shows good communication and makes both people more comfortable.
I totally agree with Frisky Freckles, if you talking with him and compliment his good points, it makes him boost in confidence and if he get that, then it works in your relationship.
I guess the problem can just be compatability! His awful rythm might feel great for him. Practice makes perfect but any negative comment can have a disasterous effect especially for guys, I once had a girl tell me "You are not hard enough" and that comment haunted me for ages!