The scratching issue

My partner has recently told me that my scratching of his back is a problem, as, although I genuinely have the shortest fingernails in existence, it apparently hurts him and turns him off. It's the first time I've heard this from him (or anyone, really) but I'm a reasonable woman, and would never knowingly do something that made him uncomfortable, so I've since stopped. He's happy enough now, but I'm finding it hard to enjoy sex. It seems so petty, so trivial, but it’s becoming difficult for me to enjoy myself when I have to give my full attention to focusing on not accidentally gripping with my nails, something that has always been instinctual for me when things get good. It's honestly becoming tiring, having to think about this one thing constantly every time we have sex. I don't know if this is a rant, or if I'm looking for advice, or what. Am I normal? Am I being selfish? Is there any other way around this? It feels so ridiculous, for this, of all things, to be a problem in an otherwise okay sex life, but it's making me so frustrated.


don't worry about what's normal, people worry too much about normal.

if you enjoy it you enjoy it

This ^^^^^


Gloves are a good suggestion, or if he holds your hands down so you can't be scratching him? It's all a bit of give and take, and different people have different likes and dislikes.

Why not try a little light bondage, I can recommend one of the under bed spreader restraints, you wont be able to scratch him if you use one of those

Try holdy some plaster scene or play doe.

See if love honey could make a cat scratching post one end and a butt plug the other.

Have you tried gripping your bedsheets/duvet/pillow/whatever is underneath you instead of gripping him? You could touch him at the beginning and then move your hands down once things get heated and you begin to grip, means you get the contact with him and don't have to worry about digging your nails in (I'm sure your sheets won't mind!). If you are on top you could grab the pillow under his head or the sheets either side of his shoulders.

Maybe he could wear a t-shirt sometimes and you could relax into it and grab on through the t-shirt, means you can grip without worrying about hurting him?

I second the idea of holding onto something too, if you can find something small and unobtrusive to grip onto even while you have your arms round him it could really help both of you relax.

I'd let him know how much concious effort you're having to put into not doing something that's an automatic pleasure reaction, maybe he can help you come up with a compromise. It's only fair you get to let go at least some of the time after all! :)

I'm a fan of my wife digging her nails into my back, it feels rather primal and it's a fairly soft way of incorporating a bit of pain into vanilla sex. However, there are times where it hurts a bit too much or its a distraction. I would possibly recommend using your nails on another part of his body. Thighs are tougher than backs... Also, can't beat it on the bum cheeks too if he isn't squeemish of ass attention.

I was also going to suggest gloves or some restraints, if you're both up for that sort of thing. We have two sets of under-bed bondage restraints which you can use on your wrists, ankles, or both, and I'm sure they would fit any bed. If your hands are restrained and you can't touch him anyway, then that takes the focus away from trying not to scratch him. You can writhe around to your hearts content or even pull on your restraints 😉

etc28 wrote:

Why not try a little light bondage, I can recommend one of the under bed spreader restraints, you wont be able to scratch him if you use one of those

This is a fantastic invention....amazing being restrained but with some movement..

I highly recommend this x

I'm a scratcher, even before we started dabbling with BDSM I scratched my husbands back. I now have super long nails and sometimes I draw blood. If he gets uncomfortable he will hold my wrists or directs my hands to the wall where I can dig my nails into it.