maybe when 1 soulmate dies another one takes their place i dont like this idea very much as it makes the whole idea of soulmates less intimate
I don't even know if I fully understand what a soulmate is. A few of you seemes convinced that your parter is your soulmate, but noone has explained what a soulmate really is.
I love my "hubby" to bits and would do anything for him. It would devestate me completely if I lost him. Either to death or to another woman. We have similar interests, humor and tastes, but soulmates? I dunno. We disagree like everyone else. We don't fight or have regular shouting matches, just disagrees and "nips" a bit every now and then.
I know in my heart that I want to be with him til the day I die, and I really can't see myself loving anyone else. But that doesen't mean I'll demand that he lives alone for the rest of his life if I was to die first. Who am I to judge him to loneliness for the rest of his life? Is it fair of me to demand that he was to be sad and lonely for 20-30 years (god forbid!)?
I truly believe that we will meet our loved ones when we die, but I believe we will only meet those we would want to meet.
I have a stranded marriage behind me. The divorce was not a pretty one, divorcing an alcoholic is actually worse than living with one (if possible), and I would definately not want to meet him again when I die. I loved him at one point in my life, but that feeling turned to disgust and then to a more neutral feeling of "ok. we have a child, I can't get completely rid of him, so lets just talk friendly and keep distance". But I still don't want to be troubled with him in my afterlife too!
I have this beautiful image in my head of me and my love dying together, but that won't happen. One of us are destened to miss the other for an unknown ammount of time, but I truly believe that whoeve dies first will come to meet the other with open arms and love when the time comes!
i just think that all these romantic notions of soulmates are going to distract people from realising that relationships dont happen like that! they aren't created magically, they're fecking hard work!! im a realist and have said several times that i dont like the concept of a soulmate as it leaves you open to far too much distress- either pain or lonliness and disillusionment!! most people who claim to have 'soulmates' dont seem to have thought the negative sides through and as lolly raised what happens when one dies? you've destined yourself to either live alone and be miserable because you dont want to betray your dead soulmate or be with someone else and be miserable as they'lkl never live up to the previous soulmate..or if they do thats your theory out of the water completely!! sorry if thats not completely coherent but it is very late/early :P
actually ladyv..is just re-read your last post and you have actually answered some of those q's in my post such as talking about meeting him not necessarily in this lifetime but in another one and thats its more of an emotional bond than a be-all-and-end-all to happiness so you are obviously one of the ones who have thought about it properly and i hope you and your man stay happy (with the ocasional argument for the sake of make-up sex of course!! ):D
grr meant to be i've at the start not is! and occasional spelt correctly! lol
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
My OH's really beginning to worry me, and I gonna let off some steam here as this thread seems most appropriate. In fact more appropriate than a lot of you would want to think about actually.
If you dont want to read something that is quite heavy and depressing, I suggest you dont read the rest of this post.
My OH is in a world of pain with rhumatoid arthritus as well as a few other health problems and diseases. He currently takes 20 tablets a day and doesn't do a lot for the pain he is in. He isn't allowed to drink alcohol, and is on a strict diet and I have to moderate his intake. I am officially his carer now, and this does include helping out of bed and getting dressed and doing all the household stuff for him. He isn't recieving DLA he applied for cuz he got knocked back for dumb reasons. (the report clearly indicated that the desicion makers have refused to include 3 of the most important evidence documents that were sent to them with the claim - Damn DWP) And I am only recieving job seekers allowence. So finances are a big struggle for us. I'm positive he is depressed, but like anyone who is deep in a depressive state, its next to impossible to get him to seek help.
He is now been hinting at strange things to me. But he will never go into detail with it. He has over the past 3 months told me that he has sorted everything that needs to be sorted. After a painstaking week of getting him to explain what that meant, he finally told me that he has signed his will, talked to his family about his health deteriations, and asked me to make sure I feed the cat when he dies! Apparently, everything he has is going to me and his family are to take care of me for support financial, and emotional. He has asking the landlords of the flat we are in now, to come round for me to sign my name to the lease when the inevitable happens as well! He has really thought through every detail and it is extremely worrying! He has told me very plainly that he does not plan to kill himself, but if his illnesses come to the worst and he surely cannot look after himself anymore, then he does not want to live like that. I respect his wishes, but have not commited to adding my own views to this yet. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared with what is going on with these things he's been saying, and I am already seeking advice for this on my part, as well as working on getting him to seek help for himself (which is bloody difficult)
He is the only person I really have in my life, and I dont even have my own family to turn to. So whether this classes as soulmate by default, I really dont know. But what I do know is that we are what is called true love, and I really dont think I'd be able to love anyone again if the worst came to the worst. I doubt I would even seek to find out actually. Love I mean. One night stands would never fill the void. I have had so called "true loves" in the past and turned out to be nothing more than "love for the flesh" or "love for emotional baggage" or "love in return for something else". Ours I believe is unconditional love. I will still love him in death, as I do in life, and I ask for nothing except for the same love to be returned to me. And I know that he feels the same way.
You are right, its deep & heavy. Not generally a man of many works, so please forgive me for giving a short reply. It won't be a surprise to you that I've read quite a few of your posts and its unquestionable of how you feel about your OH. I can't even imagine how hard you've had it, your strength absolutely baffles me. I don't have any advice, or poignant words to offer. I'm not surprised that you are worried / scared. Only thing I can offer is you have plenty of friends on here who will always act as a shoulder / distracton (or in my case, a clown) whenever you need it. There's not much I can do, but will always read and offer any pearls that I'm inspired with!
That all sounds really hard and I feel for you. I hope both of you manage to work your way to a better place.
Hello AA, am sure many people here would agree with what Smooth said.
I know for a lot of people getting it out their system works so good on you!
I think the first thing you should get out your head is whatever thoughts/ideas you have on what could happen if you lose him for what ever reason. My girl has a tendancy to think a bit too far ahead too... What if, When, Will this happen etc... He's having silly thoughts and its making things difficult but thinking about how you would 'fill his gap' will only make you more miserable. Its completely understandable why you're thinking it but please remember that our emotions are not always rational and are not always the best thing for us! Try and look through the cloudiness of your heart.
If you get your rational cap on you have the word of the man who loves you that he will not harm himself and you have a depressed OH, who is obviously not rational in his reasoning... so his belief in bad things to come is unfounded. You do a remarkable job of staying positive and I'm sure that helps him alot and as you recognised he is depressed.
You have done well to idenify the problem, remain positive and be strong, you just now need to get him back in a happy place... admittedly very hard with someone suffering depression but I'm sure many of us here have the faith that you can!
Sorry if I sound too instructional or rational when you just need to blow some steam but I think you should give him a snuggle/blowjob/something special that just reminds him how in love he is/ how lucky he is and you might be able to start his mental recovery.
Feel free to ignore and good luck AA!
WandA wrote:
Sorry if I sound too instructional or rational when you just need to blow some steam but I think you should give him a snuggle/blowjob/something special that just reminds him how in love he is/ how lucky he is and you might be able to start his mental recovery.
Feel free to ignore and good luck AA!
Actually, WandA might have stumbled upon something. Its not so much the sexual side of things but the stuff that means something to him. I remember you saying he's older than you. Get on ebay and buy a boxset of something of something that he used to love / watch...whether its M#A#S#H, The Prisoner, Steptoe & Son, Solider Soldier...whatever it may be. Something from his past that he used to enjoy even if its cartoons. Something that will make him smile. E.g. I used to love watching Dogtanian as a kid.
As for the sexual side...buy a cheap Hearts T-shirt on ebay...its only going to get ripped etc If that doesn't earn you a spanking...nothing will lol
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
Thanks WandA. Yeah, depression is an awful thing. I have suffered it most of my life (and still am) and I know now with loads of support and help how to deal with it. Mine will not go away. I know that. I've been diagnosed that its something from early childhood blah blah blah, but the only person to help someone with depression is themself. Thats what makes it difficult. I can't force him to do anything, and I think he's too far gone to help him on my own. He is a very strong person himself, thats why he has been like a closed book to me while his depression has been deepening, but hopefully, he does understand what I've already told him about his depression, and I think he knows himself. He just need to make the first step. I know from past experience that trying to get someone to the doctors for it is like trying to get a stubborn bull into a trailor.
It will hopefully all work out though. Xxx
I still think if you can get yourself out of it you can help get him out too.External Media
I don't really know but I imagine somone in his position feels a bit of a failure, useless, unworthy of being loved etc... So as Smooth suggested you might want to show him just how happy spending time with him makes you!
If he can't do something he used to be able to do and feels a bit rubbish for it, you might need to give him a new 'purpose'!
And if he loves you then I imagine him making you happy will make him feel very valued and useful!
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
SmoothOne wrote:
WandA wrote:
Sorry if I sound too instructional or rational when you just need to blow some steam but I think you should give him a snuggle/blowjob/something special that just reminds him how in love he is/ how lucky he is and you might be able to start his mental recovery.
Feel free to ignore and good luck AA!
Actually, WandA might have stumbled upon something. Its not so much the sexual side of things but the stuff that means something to him. I remember you saying he's older than you. Get on ebay and buy a boxset of something of something that he used to love / watch...whether its M#A#S#H, The Prisoner, Steptoe & Son, Solider Soldier...whatever it may be. Something from his past that he used to enjoy even if its cartoons. Something that will make him smile. E.g. I used to love watching Dogtanian as a kid.
As for the sexual side...buy a cheap Hearts T-shirt on ebay...its only going to get ripped etc If that doesn't earn you a spanking...nothing will lol
Yeah! I've always done "the kid in him" stuff. That film Heavy Metal dvd is coming in the post for his birthday next week. Along with Conan the video game!! I'm making a big effort for that! I've saved up to take him to Edinburgh to see his old friends and stuff and organizing the trip to get to the pubs and places that play his style of music and have fun like he used to again! Admittidly he will be hurting, so he wont be able to do all the usual stuff he used to do, but his friends know that, and we'll have taxis sorted and stuff, and I know a couple of people up there myself who can pull some strings to have half the pub to ourselves etc! Its gonna be good! Hopefully! He seemed dead excited about it when I told him. The only problem is sitting on the train. But it should be good!
I'll be letting you all know how it went! (That is if we go... if he feels liike shit, then it will have to be postponed.)
see maybe you aren't as daft as you type External Media. Just keep thinking outside the box, you seem to be good at that so just don't lose your enthusiasm for it.
I don't believe in Heaven or Hell or any kind of afterlife like that. I do believe in the soul, I believe that your soul is inside you and using your body to experience life. When you die, your body leaves and goes on to experience more life in a different body.
I've not properly considered soul mates and if I think they exist, but if they do then there are no such issues of waiting for your other half to die or taking new partners. When you die, your soul isn't you any more. Your soul remembers everything you've done in your life, but it doesnt have feelings or personality to the point that it'll get pissed or anything if you've had another partner. In fact it's likely that your souls will never meet again until the end of time when all the sous get back together again. This isn't a bad thing. Your soul can see things objectively and doesn't pine for someone else, just acknowledges that you and someone else had positive experiences together.
I believe that your soul is strongest in your heart - i.e. the physical organ. When you feel a reaction to something in your heart, I believe that's the soul. I just can't see any other reason why a physical part of your body would respond to things in such a manner.
This is a theory me and my boyfriend have come up with (well, mainly my boyfriend lol), it's from a philosophical viewpoint rather than a religious one. We've both thought about it and it's the only theory we can see that makes sense. I'm very open to any new theories that come along to make sense though.
Avrielle, I know what you mean, I'm sure a scientist could prove otherwise, but the philosopher in me came to that conclusion. This was the part of the theory I came to, and my boyfriend doesnt quite agree with it. It's not that he disagrees, he just doesnt quite see it.
I think the soul can be linked to moods too. I believe that people can control their moods quite well if they put their minds to it, and I do try when I find myself in a mood I dont like. Sometimes though, I feel like no matter how much self control I have, I can't do it. I think my soul could be linked to that.
When stuff happens, good or bad, I think it's because your soul has decided on that for a reason. I find remembering that makes it easier to deal with bad stuff.
If I was to actually answer the question do souls exist instead of Avrielles question..
Nope, that would require some metaphysical existence. Of which we have no evidence.
I'm a empiricist... Which means I believe we gain our knowledge through our experience and not not so much our reason (which allows wonderfully fabulous, wild but completely made up scenerios), which leads me to the conclusions that there is no other world than the physical one which we inhabit.
I have a favoured quote from Hume:
"You cannot get an ought from an Is."
The universe is.... what ever we wish from it, is irrelevent simply because it is.
But.... without getting bogged down in the science we are 'manipulated' by chemical processes to feel love, be lowed, get horny etc... And that feels good! And I'm happy with that! Without going all utilitarian, who ever makes you the happiest is your 'soul mate'.
I find it incredible that humanity have this incredible intelligence about them that is completely unrivalled by any other species on Earth. For me, this could be possible evidence for the soul. There's also the other things you mentioned WandA, falling in love, emotions and all sorts of stuff which while other species might experience to a certain extent, humanity experience on a far greater and superior level. While I'm not denying the chemical processes that can make these things happen, I think that the soul might cause these chemical processes.
I've not read any of the Anne Rice books. I've been kinda tempted, but not to the point where I actually read them lol. I find Christian theology and theory interesting to read about and think about, but I dont believe any of it.
Ecksvie wrote:
I find it incredible that humanity have this incredible intelligence about them that is completely unrivalled by any other species on Earth. For me, this could be possible evidence for the soul. There's also the other things you mentioned WandA, falling in love, emotions and all sorts of stuff which while other species might experience to a certain extent, humanity experience on a far greater and superior level. While I'm not denying the chemical processes that can make these things happen, I think that the soul might cause these chemical processes.
Hmmm... Our intelligence is unrivalled. But to me that is no different to the superiority a snake enjoys over us with its sense of smell. I believe it is explained within Darwinian evolution, a highly advanced intellect has allowed us to grossly over populate the earth! Success! apparently. For a snakes 'needs' an advanced sense of smell is more useful than intellect (which is biologically expensive).
I think self awareness is the only sticking point we have over animals... but even that is debatable and I personally do not believe it exists as such.
I don't believe there is any evidence for a metaphysical soul interacting with our wholly physical bodies. Occoms razor is basically going with the simplest explanation. A soul requires some type of physics outside of our realm, a spiritual world amonst other things... infinitely more complex than the relatively simple world we live in.
Each to their ownExternal Media.
WandA wrote:
Ecksvie wrote:
I find it incredible that humanity have this incredible intelligence about them that is completely unrivalled by any other species on Earth. For me, this could be possible evidence for the soul. There's also the other things you mentioned WandA, falling in love, emotions and all sorts of stuff which while other species might experience to a certain extent, humanity experience on a far greater and superior level. While I'm not denying the chemical processes that can make these things happen, I think that the soul might cause these chemical processes.
Hmmm... Our intelligence is unrivalled. But to me that is no different to the superiority a snake enjoys over us with its sense of smell. I believe it is explained within Darwinian evolution, a highly advanced intellect has allowed us to grossly over populate the earth! Success! apparently. For a snakes 'needs' an advanced sense of smell is more useful than intellect (which is biologically expensive).
I think self awareness is the only sticking point we have over animals... but even that is debatable and I personally do not believe it exists as such.
I don't believe there is any evidence for a metaphysical soul interacting with our wholly physical bodies. Occoms razor is basically going with the simplest explanation. A soul requires some type of physics outside of our realm, a spiritual world amonst other things... infinitely more complex than the relatively simple world we live in.
Each to their ownExternal Media.
I agree that there is an element of evolution in there. I do very much believe in the Darwinian model of evolution and that we evolved from apes. Still, there are many, many other species of apes which have remained at a very primitive level compared to us. I'm not a biologist or anything like that, but I would imagine that our needs from our primitive ape days were very similar if not identical to all the other species of apes. I've not properly thought about this before. I'm not sure whether we got so intelligent because of souls, or whether souls picked us because we had potential and helped us to grow. Perhaps they even picked our species on a whim! I dont know, but I dont think I can put our unrivalled intelligence down to evolution alone.
In response to both comments:
I think we think we're better and more important than we are!
I've had pets with personality and who show emotions and I just think we view ourselves as having a special place in the universe when we have none.
WandA wrote:
In response to both comments:
I think we think we're better and more important than we are!
I've had pets with personality and who show emotions and I just think we view ourselves as having a special place in the universe when we have none.External Media
Well I also believe there may be aliens out there who may also have souls, but I know what you mean :P