Hey, OH and myself have been exploring the idea of a threesome with another person. Any tips from anyone with experience on boundaries and how to enjoy it.
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There have been many forum posts about this arrangement so take a look at them. The main point is discuss in detail with partner with both of you being 200% comfortable with it then discuss again. Think about boundaries and consequences. Then discuss again before thinking where to find about the third person.
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There are as has been said a few posts about this. Have a read.
Each couple will have their own idea of how they want to play out their threesome. I would suggest create a profile on a site like Fab, then hide the profile and close your filters. You can then peruse profiles, forums etc
I’d also suggest visiting a good club. You can see how it makes you feel, get ideas and maybe establish boundaries that are necessary but you hadn’t thought about. You do not need to play, and will not be pressured to play. There are always a few simply there for the social and/or spa facilities.
But you have to be able to talk comfortably about every aspect of what you see and feel. You have to have boundaries as a couple and as individuals, never breach them in the heat of the moment or to please others. x
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Definitely I second what others have said. Also, and for the love of all that is holy, do not consider a threesome if one of you is insecure, and do not agree to involve someone who might spike an insecurity. I was involved with a couple once, I found out after that they were constantly fighting and considered me their “relationship glue”. If your relationship is at all rocky, ENM will break it more than it will build it. You need absolute trust and honesty in one another before you can consider this.
Personally one of our big boundaries is no friends/neighbours/colleagues. We also both hold a kind of veto power, where if one of us is getting bad vibes from someone then either of us can say it’s no bueno. We’ve both been involved with unhealthy people in the past so if we get the feeling someone is not suitable (eg abusive/controlling behaviour or cowboy/cowgirling, aka trying to steal a partner to form a new monogamous relationship) then we can both call it out. That was something we both felt we had to install after our last poly quad, because we both knew how it felt to feel so powerless watching our metas abuse our primary partners. We both trust one another anyway, but we both feel a lot safer knowing the other one has our backs and will give it to us straight if something isn’t sitting right. I’m happy and grateful that both of my partners have a respect for one another, it makes it easier for everyone.
Think about intimacy, is it a threesome or is “more” allowed? Are you going to be friends with this person or is it a hook-up? STI testing? Who is providing condoms (if you’re using them, though I strongly recommend you do for casual encounters).
Those are just a few off the top of my head.
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We have threesome on a very regular basis, my girlfriend has no boundaries at all.
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