Well, I have gone down a road that I have been afraid to before. Maybe not afraid just a little uninterested in due to constant rejection to be a little less vanilla in my sex life.
I have purchased the Womanizer for Mrs. Val and have been hanging onto it for about 4 months, maybe longer. This is not a toy for couples (so I think). I should rephrase it as I don’t have a clitoris thus trying to get suction on Mrs. Val’s clit being operated by me seems pointless. It’s not a toy that I would consider something that you break out to play with together. That being said, I have given alot of thought to how to get creative with it. I have digressed from the heading and so I will go back to it.
I bought her a beautiful bra and panty set that have also been holding onto for quite some time. I bought a Vault zip up locking bag and have built a bit of a toy chest that isn’t able to be accessed by the kids that she hasn’t seen either. Inside it I hid the new fully charged Womanizer as well as the lingerie. There are also the other toys we have used in the past but now are in a safe and secure place.
When cleaning out the garage, I found some old paper raffle tickets where they each have a number. This morning before I left for work, I wrote a long note explaining the game and that Mrs. Val is about to go on an “Adult Treasure Hunt”. She has clues about the toy and with each ticket she finds she has to send me a picture of it and I text her the next clue. The end game is that the raffle tickets are the combination to the Vault and her lingerie and Womanizer are there ready for her. We already agreed to a night of intimacy tonight and I thought since we have gone through a bunch of Bull$hit together, dealing with a loss of a family member and some other family drama, as well as having our 23rd anniversary 2 weeks ago and haven’t yet got to celebrate it, this was going to be a little time together and a win. I was looking at it as a way to open some doors and get her warmed up to the idea of using toys more and that I want her to discover herself more.
It has been 4 hours since she found the note and texted me fairly excited. However, it has gone silent since then. She doesn’t have any clues as she will never find the tickets without them. So I am eagerly waiting for her to start playing but with every text I get that isn’t her, I feel a little defeated. I guess I just need to be patient but I am hoping she gets through her busy day and is willing to play along. Like a damn little kid!
I will keep you posted how it goes. I would really like her to masturbate (more?) as I don’t think she ever does without me. Also looking for her to feel more comfortable and less taboo about regularly using toys in our sessions. Just hope it is worth it…
@valbowski77 Brilliant . Love your imagination and salute your desire for your Mrs to enjoy her own body. Please keep us posted.
Im sure the pace will pick up.
This really made me smile.
She wasn’t interested and after my daughter finding a ticket wondering what it meant, she laughed at it and never completed it or even tried.
Guess I am done with the not so subtle hint. Went to bed early and didn’t talk before I left for work today. Feeling underappreciated and unwanted, especially after I put myself out there and again putting in far more effort than the other party.
I know you’re feeling underappreciated and unwanted @valbowski77 I understand that. You feel you are trying to make your sex life better and want her to enjoy a better and less of a vanilla sex life…
But that’s what YOU want…and if I was her I would feel that you were pressuring me. Some women don’t masturbate…(I didn’t till I was in my 40’s)…I wouldn’t want my partner choosing my underwear and again feeling pressurised to wear it and “perform” in it for him. I would feel the gifts weren’t for me at all and were solely for his pleasure. It’s YOU that wants her to masturbate more…she may well be doing so but in private.
I really don’t think was a not so subtle hint at all…more a bull in a china shop route.
Think you need to go back to basics and talk talk and talk again…out of the bedroom and maybe you will have to accept that you have differing sex drives and wants from your sex life.
It’s only my opinion and don’t mean to offend you at all…I understand your frustrations and believe you me I have the T-Shirt in this situation but the other way round.
Hope you can come to a compromise…and Good Luck with everything.
Thanks @CurvyJilly . You are likely bang on. I’m trying to find a way to her heart but she never talks about it either so maybe I opened a door to discussion at least??
I think I just get disappointed when there isn’t even a “thanks” or a try to play along. If she doesn’t want to “break my heart” it’s a little too late after being married 23 years. It’s hers and I am not going anywhere too quickly.
I am more than willing to try her suggestions but when they point to something that she infers is what she wants, then I go there - I guess I am a simple man and might be reading into fake hints?
The treasure hunt was built with clues that I sent once she found a ticket. Not only did she never see what the gift was or know what the final outcome would be, she never even played along or tried. Maybe it’s best she didn’t get to the end if this is truly how she is feeling, but if she did this type of exercise for me and I blew her off with a “fuck you” attitude, she would be pissed as well. A simple “Thanks but no Thanks” would suffice… I’m a big boy - I can take it.
When it comes across that spending time on Pinterest and Facebook are more important than us, I have an issue with that.
You said you told her it was an “Adult Treasure Hunt” and being honest with you I wouldn’t have gone along with it either…it’s pretty obvious what the “treasure” was going to be…and then knowing I’d feel pressured to perform if I just wasn’t feeling like it and then knowing full well what might be at the end of it…you being frustrated and disappointed then possibly “words” afterwards…the list goes on.
Sounds like a good conversation is needed and you both need to be open and honest. It’s not easy and you may have to accept some home truths along the way…
Well that escalated quickly… So I didn’t see Mrs. Val the next morning after I had my hissy-fit like a child… but then we texted and spoke on the phone… we made up even though my feelings were still hurt. It didn’t take a ton of time to move on so I took @CurvyJilly 's advice and put the shoe on the other foot.
I sent about 20 questions of what she likes/hates/wants/doesn’t want/is anxious about/doesn’t care about, etc. My main question was whether or not me being the dom (initiating sex most of the time, taking the lead in a session and always being the one to attempt to make sex more interesting) was making her hate sex or simply make it something to “check off the list”.
It was actually a really good discussion. She said the only way she would answer them all was if I answered them too. Some were about her but I agreed and sent all my answers back. @FortySomethingWife , you mentioned an app that sends a bunch of questions that you Will/Won’t/Curious about and then you get to see your OH’s answers. What is it and where can I find it? Maybe it wasn’t you but you seem to be in the know on all things “boundaries” lately…lol.
Let’s just say the “make up” sex last night was the best I have had in years. She was into it and taking the dom role like a boss. It was impressive and hopefully led to something better, slowly, but surely. I also asked if she was interested in finishing the hunt and instead of a game we could just explore it together… I told her to let me know when and if she was ready and will follow her lead.
Communication works and even if I didn’t like it, it was great. Looking forward to the next few weeks and the answers to her questions!
Would really like to have an app where you can check off what you Will/Won’t/Curious, fill out the list and then send it to your other half to do the same and compare without knowing what the other chose.
We use Kindu, which we much preferred to Spicer, but it depends on your preferences.
Kindu is a good mix of romantic and sexual and is very good at sparing each person’s feelings as you will only see matches where you have both said yes. If one partner says yes and the other partner says no they will never see that you said yes.
UPDATE
Well this was unexpected. After some long conversations and a few texts back and forth to make sure we were truly respecting and honoring each other, Mrs. Val put our daughter to bed and led me downstairs to the basement where we recently finished a bit of a private suite for visitors. It’s fairly untouched and I built it in such a way that you literally could scream at the top of your lungs and no one will hear you…
Anyways, we go into the basement where there is a towel on the bed, a bottle of wine, the entire toy box and her wearing sexy lingerie under a robe! Apparently my “game” awoke something in her to try some different stuff and I was excited!
Turns out that the basement isn’t soundproof as we can hear our daughter wandering around the house looking for us and screaming that we were gone! We barely got my dress shirt undone and all was lost…
After putting her back to bed the party continued upstairs but we lost some momentum. However, the conversation was great, the BJ was great and she tried the Womanizer which made her come in less than a minute!! I think there was some sadness and emptiness with all the events and interruptions, but we definitely made some headway on a new chapter for us. And better yet, I think she was impressed by the speed that she could orgasm with that unit! I hope we can keep it going.
call me a big kid but I still get my dad to do me one every Easter with clues to find eggs 
haha
I doubt that is fair…
