I used to have a really high sex drive but still rarely orgasmed (rarely being 3ish times) then I was raped about 2 years ago and pretty much completely lost my sex drive. Its slowly coming back but only when I’m with my girlfriend. I generally have no will to wank and it never lasts longer than 5 minutes if I do. I’ve orgasmed a couple of times since but they are fairly weak and unmemorable. I also think i have endometriosis which can make sex especially deep penetrative vaginal sex uncomfortable at times. I really want to be able to orgasm and was wondering if anyone has any similar experiences and any advice?
Hi, that sounds incredibly difficult and frustrating. I would say dont be too hard on yourself. Try not to let it stress you out if possible, i know thats easier than it sounds, but sex has a massive mental component too.
Low sex drive pops up on the forum quite a bit, so if you do some searches theres alot of good info in the older threads.
Ive struggled with low/no sex drive for many years due to meds. I always find relaxing and just enjoying the sensations really helps. Lots of foreplay. Not setting orgasm as a goal is also good, just enjoy the experience as it comes.
What works for me is instead of getting horny first, just decide to have sex/masturbation then warm yourself up with alot of foreplay till your turned on. Yes, it sounds back to front, but it works well.
I also personally found jiggle balls are really helpful in giving my libido a kick start. (The tracy cox ones are the good ones) so they may be worth a go as well.
I hope you find something that works for you.
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yeah i have been trying not to put any pressure on myself but its still pretty frustrating. i will try that, thank you for the advice
It is still quite early in your recovery process from such an traumatic event, have you had sufficient therapy since? Although it was 2 year’s ago it is still relatively recent.
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That’s sad to hear, it would be apparent from your post that you do need some form of therapy intervention.
Before I got with my hubby my sex drive was pretty much nonexistent, due to abusive relationships mentally and physically. I was also raped more than once in those relationships. I finally got out and got with my hubby (known eachother for 26 years) one night I sat him down and literally told him everything, he was amazing with it all and never pushed on anything. One night we were laying in bed and I just said to him I’m ready, but I still kept my clothes on, under the covers and lights off so he couldn’t see me, and he gave me my very first orgasm. 14 and half years later I’m putting on sexy lingerie, role-playing total BDSM sex life now.
You will get there and may take a bit of time, if you feel like you need help just keep pushing forward with it. It took me a little while to get past it, and my hubby was amazing getting me through it getting to where I should be, and getting my life back on track, gaining more confidence and to trust again.
I wish you all the luck and hope you get the help you deserve.
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Oh dear not good, go with what your body tells you. What about a wand?
So very sorry that happened to you. I hope you have people in your life that you can talk to & support you through such a terrible experience. I can only imagine the psychological scars you bear from this. I’m no doctor but I think maybe you need a little more healing time to be comfortable enough to let yourself go with someone else. I wish you happy days with lots of orgasms.