Trying anal for the first time

Give us a clue folks - I’ve never EVER been up for trying anything anal and have never allowed anything up there as felt very against it years back.
However my libido has rocketed this month and I’m suddenly interested in giving this a go.

What’s the best way to start - where do I start?

I adore wearable stuff (benwa crazy) so … what would you suggest and - does it hurt ?

My worry is I’ve had kids and I have had issues down there with pain but will I be ok using something ?

I was too but it seemed the way forward at the time as my boyfriend and I had experimented quite a bit…this was a long time ago now back in the 80’s…

Just relax and make sure you are well lubricated and if it hurts stop…

Not had anal with alot of partners but I enjoy it and my butt plugs too…:crazy_face:

Good luck…


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Hi @ThirtySomethingWife

I’ve noticed you’re starting a lot of new topics. Have you tried using the Search? As you can imagine anal, and first time anal, are very popular topics on here. :+1::slightly_smiling_face:


When I gave birth to my son I had stitching in the virginal and anal area due to tearing. Personally I don’t think this as had an effect during anal sex but I still use smaller toys in that area.

I really like these two anal toys for new beginners. The vibrating one feel amazing whilst having sex at the same time as using it because your husband can also feel it. Also use some good anal lubricant not normal lubricant as it thicker.

Hi @ThirtySomethingWife

Here’s lots of threads for first time anal :heart:
Hope this helps x

That search link doesn’t work first time for me, but if you press the magnifying glass it’ll run it perfectly. :+1:

@ThirtySomethingWife, hello again!

First things first, it can be painful at first but take it gradually and easily and ya should be good to go.

Initial recommendations include thicker lube designed for anal play and then start with anal beads/butt plugs. Preferable NOT the metal ones starting they are far more rigid and cold meaning you’re more likely to clench and it won’t have any give, making it uncomfortable for first/longer use.

After a while of this try with a smaller dildo first preferably one of the real feel or softer silicone ones and then you can move on to the real thing.

It may still hurt depending on angles though so find what works best for you :slight_smile:

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Thanks Ian - apologies for new topics will search next time

That’s okay. :slightly_smiling_face: They’re quite relaxed about new topics. It just looked like you were reflexively starting a new one without considering the Search (and the search is really good on this new site :slightly_smiling_face::+1:).

Here’s my link to my first anal question when I joined, lots of really good advice.

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Ditto on the flexibility comment!
Relaxation is key. If things get uncomfortable the reflex is for the sphincter and maybe other muscles to constrict, which can be really unhelpful😳.
Small is beautiful to begin with.

I recommend a flexible plug set like this:
Jelly Rancher Plug Set


I will tell you all part of the reason I’m open to it is due to things people have said every time I’ve mentioned my obsession with Ben wa is to try something … more and it’s got me curious

So you are all to blame


Everyone’s sexual preferences are different, but it’s fun experimenting :heart:


I would say starting small, and plenty of lube and you will be fine. Plastic toys have a bit more give which can be more forgiving to start with. If you enjoy wearables can work yourself up to a plug or beads for around about the house. My OH is in the same boat, but she is more worried about the cleanliness aspect. I found after talking about it starting with a finger during intercourse to add pressure helped transition as well!

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It does feel weird when he’s tried using a finger - I suffer with piles following kids so that’s my panic !

Has he inserted before? Or just played on the outside?

He’s tried putting a finger tip in and it felt … very odd slightly stingy

The hardest part is training your brain to accept it, take your time, plenty of lube and relax.
What I find is if I’ve had a few Orgasms before hand I’m more relaxed and it’s easier x :heart: