My fiancée has mentioned that she’s open to being with another girl again for me to watch. She’s had that experience before but I haven’t. She said she wouldn’t really want me to touch the other girl, which I understand, but I’m feeling a mix of emotions about it.
Part of me finds the idea exciting. I can imagine it being a huge turn on to see her enjoying herself. But another part of me worries about how it might affect us emotionally afterwards. I love her a lot and I don’t want to do anything that could create awkwardness or jealousy between us or even jeopardise our relationship.
I’m not sure how to balance the curiosity and excitement with the fear that it could change something in our relationship. Has anyone else been in a similar situation where one partner had previous experience and the other didn’t?
Apologies if this topic has already been brought up.
if you or your partner have any doubts or unsure thoughts of bringing another into your relationship, then don’t do it until you both are truly aligned and happy with how it could go
From what I am reading here you are not emotionally ready to take this step with your relationship.
You partner has done it before so is obviously up to repeat a past experience which might or might not be as good as she remembers it.
However, you aren’t ready, it doesn’t sit comfortably with you and to me that isn’t a risk worth taking with your relationship. I would put a hold on it and talk it through more and if you still have concerns then don’t proceed.
I take it that she is bi then to want to be with another woman. Does she know who she wants to have sex with. It wouldn’t be perhaps with the same woman she has been with before by any chance would it? So you are not allowed to join in then, what does she think you will get out of it apart from watching. If you have doubts then don’t agree to her doing it and say no. See what her response is to that, if she keeps on about it after you said no I would be suspicious that there is more to her request.
For me these two are reason to abandon the idea. This to me suggests she would get jealous if you touched the other woman, but she’s happy to put you in a situation that might bring about jealousy in you. If it were me, I would say that’s no dice: either you both get to enjoy her (ie, a threesome) or the deal is off. Why should she get to avoid her potential jealousy or awkwardness, but not you?
Keep it as a fantasy for now. Enjoy bi porn together, but don’t take that leap unless and until she is ready to face her own fears. Good luck
Sorry, I should have elaborated more. I mentioned the idea of involving another female as I know she has done it in the past. The sole purpose would be for her to please me but she wasn’t so keen on the idea of me being intimate with the other female. We have had a few jokey conversations about it for example if it was a night out and we met a girl and we were all up for it then that might be an idea but we probably need to speak more about it. I think we should definitely have a proper conversation about it or just enjoy the fantasy for now.
Thank you. I’ve mentioned it and she has suggested it on other occasions too. So it’s both of us I guess. You’re right, I don’t want to ruin a whole relationship with someone I am hopefully going to marry just for an hour of fun which would’ve been better as a fantasy.
Thanks for your reply, that’s really good advice and I think you’re right. I don’t feel completely ready yet. It’s something that sounds exciting in theory, but when I actually think about it I realise how much I care about protecting our relationship. She’s mentioned it quite casually because she’s experienced it before and she wants to give me some pleasure but it would be a first for me and I don’t want to rush into it just because it’s something she’s done in the past.
I think talking it through properly before doing anything is definitely the best move. I’d rather be honest about being hesitant than go ahead and regret it afterwards.
Yeah, I get that completely. I think you’re right. If there’s any doubt it’s probably not the right time. It does sound exciting in theory and sometimes it drives me crazy just thinking about it but I know once you’re actually in that situation, emotions can hit different. I’d rather wait until we’re both 100% sure and comfortable with it before even thinking about going there.
Thank you. That’s actually a really fair point. I hadn’t really thought of it like that. That it could end up being one sided emotionally. I don’t think she means it in a selfish way, more just that she’s unsure how she’d feel seeing me with someone else. But you’re right, it should be for both of our benefit and if there’s any imbalance there it’s probably best to just leave it as a fantasy for now.
Not too long ago my husband and I got involved with another couple, fine and fun, but the guy started calling me his “girlfriend”, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, then it got even worse when his fiance started calling my husband her boyfriend — it felt like I was losing my husband to this adventure and it turned out, my husband also felt like he was losing me, it also seemed like the other woman wanted to call the shots which was not okay. Anyway, all of that is sort of irrelevant, but what is relevant is that if there is any potential for any jealousy, absolutely don’t do it: I’d love to share my husband with another woman again, or to play with another couple, but it would be everyone’s in or it’s off. I won’t be told “A can do this with B but not with C, but it’s totally okay of D does this with B, C and D, just not A”. As you can see, it gets very confusing and somebody always ends up hurt. It’s better to have limits (we don’t have penetrative sex until everybody is agreed, for example, so that it can’t go “too far” accidentally, I also call my other partners my “non-residing partners”, not my “boyfriends”) and have fun.
One the biggest things I tell others when at a crossroads like this is you need to be 100% set on the path you take, so to have some concerns and fears about it would tell me your better off not going ahead with such fantasies at this moment in time till you’ve had space to talk and think on it more
