I didn't know that people even used vanilla as a word to describe anything sex related so I've succeeded in learning something new today :) The OH did just say he was gona start calling me it though haha. I much prefer when we have sex in bed, I'm still adventurous though. If you came to our house you'd understand that it is just far too cold to have sex anywhere where there aren't any covers for warmth haha
SBB
Cuddly Hubby wrote:
For what it's worth, vanilla is one of my favourite flavours of ice cream. It might seem unexciting to some, but there's a subtlety to it which can be very satisfying, especially when teamed up with a dessert that stands up on its own merits (e,g. apple pie). Maybe there's an analogy there.
I'm mostly vanilla in the bedroom, but I don't mind using that adjective about myself, nor does it bother me that others enjoy more racy stuff. Indeed, some of my fantasies are very kinky, but I tend to believe that they only work inside my own head,
Oh cuddles (my new name for u) I wouldnt say u were vanilla...... more...... neapolitan 
Yes, I'd say I'm a scoop of vanilla,a sprinkling of rich chocolate with two lovely cherries and with lashings of tasty sweet sauce with loves a nice flake inside her!!!
And there's nothing plain or unexciting about my Vanilla....it's what you do with it that counts and I do very well, very naughty and very rude!
To use the ice cream analogy I suppose taken literally vanilla is the most basic of all ice cream flavours, but as we all know there's a huge difference between tesco's basic and haagen daz! It's all just personal preference ;O)
If you use pejoratives about BDSM that's your own problem.
Call me what you want, I'll keep being me...
FWIW, I use the term Vanilla about people, simply because it's easier and quicker than saying 'non kinky, standard or otherwise normative' which is pretty much everything it covers.
I always like to bear in mind that offence is *taken* in life, not *given*. ;)
NymphetamineKiss wrote:
If you use pejoratives about BDSM that's your own problem.
Call me what you want, I'll keep being me...
FWIW, I use the term Vanilla about people, simply because it's easier and quicker than saying 'non kinky, standard or otherwise normative' which is pretty much everything it covers.
I always like to bear in mind that offence is *taken* in life, not *given*. ;)
Was this addressed to me? I'm the only one who's used the word 'pejorative' in the thread.
I certainly don't use negative words about BDSM. I was commenting on StrangeDays' post immediately above mine. My sexual preferences are vanilla. I don't mind the word at all. In the LH forum, I expect to get as much respect for my preferences as everyone else receives. And that includes care in what words are used to describe it.
Not sure what to do with your last line. It feels like a jibe. But that's me 'taking' rather than you giving it, eh? You've got me there.
The last line is addressed to all. I think it's worthwhile bearing in mind sometimes that when we feel irritated by someone, we do have agency in that. It is at least in part, our own choice. I'm in pretty good company on that front, see Stephen Fry's thoughts on peoples' "I'm offended" whinges ;)
Here's the thing though, I don't understand people who are by their own admission, Vanilla inclined, who get angry/irritated/offended by being referred to as such (not saying you are, btw, saying it happens)... I don't get offended by someone referring to me as kinky, because, well... I am. It's a word. Nothing more.
Perhaps some of the issue is one of those who see their activities in a "normative" manner don't see why they should have a descriptor, and the only ones that should are the deviants from said norm? A little like non trans/GQ/GF people rejecting "cis" labelling because they simply "don't like it"... Hmm.
I don't think the offense was taken so much at the term "vanilla" as it was by the defining of it as "boring" and "unexciting". It's be the same if someone asked what kinky means and someone came along and said "oh, it's when someone's a bit sick and perverted in the bedroom". Maybe they didn't intend it to be offensive or antagonistic, but it is easy to see why someone seemingly lumping you in with the 'bad' people - be they freaks or bores - can ruffle a few feathers.
Vanilla used to mean hetrosexual with no domination or submissive element, to some that may mean boring or unexciting however if you dont get turned on without multiple partners or a fantasy scenario with a roomful of toys that to me is also boring and not very loving.
just my 2 cents
I don't see vanilla as boring, its just more traditional. A lot of people must have liked it for it to become the tradition. Personally I much prefer vanilla with a few extra bits chucked in, with sex and ice cream.
I used to get a bit narky with people who used it towards me just coz I dont like inflicting pain, being spanked or desire someones dick up my ass doesnt mean there is something missing in my life. To me it is part of the net culture what is normal on the net is definitely not normal in RL
TBF I think the only people who referenced it in such negative terms were those pasting a definition from elsewhere, as far as I saw.
I, personally, would find vanilla-only sex boring. In much the same way someone else would possibly find some of the stuff I do a huge turn off and possibly even disturbing... and that's fine; if we were all the same life would be hideously dull.
I think it's worth pointing out that to say I find vanilla dull is not the same as "I can't do it without" - and personally would suggest inferring a lack of love is somewhat more unpleasant than being potentially referred to as dull.
The negative terms I responded to were 'a plain jane in the bedroom' and 'unexciting'. Yes, the latter was from a dictionary definition - but the writer chose it from four words including the more neutral 'conventional' and agreed with it. LH etiquette is to take care in choosing what words are used to describe any sexual preference.
Why are you fighting us on this? You don't like negative words being used to describe your preferences. I don't like negative words being used to describe mine. We both deserve the same respect.
rose hip wrote:
The negative terms I responded to were 'a plain jane in the bedroom' and 'unexciting'. Yes, the latter was from a dictionary definition - but the writer chose it from four words including the more neutral 'conventional' and agreed with it. LH etiquette is to take care in choosing what words are used to describe any sexual preference.
Why are you fighting us on this? You don't like negative words being used to describe your preferences. I don't like negative words being used to describe mine. We both deserve the same respect.
By that you are referring to me. Someone asked, I gave my personal opinion, remember it's not fact and if you chose to take offense in that, that is your issue and no one elses.
I, personally find straight up sex with no kink in it, boring, that's me and I am more than happy to say that. If it offends you, again, that is your problem.
Bashes head on desk.
Fine then, Blueeyes. I accept that there is a double standard in the LH forums. Vanilla sex can be referred to in whatever terms a poster wants. Any objection to that is entirely the fault of the objector. Two people have told me this, so it must be true, eh?
Meanwhile, the excellent LH etiquette regarding choice of words in connection with all other practices and preferences will continue. Those who mention that a practice isn't for them will continue to so in language which makes it clear that it's their preference and not the meaning of a word.
How can someone be upset at being normal?
There has to be a norm for everything, in a statistical sense.
Personally I find what has been described as vanilla sex to be exciting, as long as you are with the right person- which luckily i am. My wife still turns me on after thirty years of being together.
We just don't need bells and whistles! Well, maybe a few...
rose hip wrote:
Bashes head on desk.
Fine then, Blueeyes. I accept that there is a double standard in the LH forums. Vanilla sex can be referred to in whatever terms a poster wants. Any objection to that is entirely the fault of the objector. Two people have told me this, so it must be true, eh?
Meanwhile, the excellent LH etiquette regarding choice of words in connection with all other practices and preferences will continue. Those who mention that a practice isn't for them will continue to so in language which makes it clear that it's their preference and not the meaning of a word.
I know you are genuinely frustrated by how the thread turned, and I see why you felt slighted by the terms used, but I don't think there's any double standards. Many times, some 'practice' or other has been mentioned and a few folk respond with "ewwwwww gross!" or "how would any sane person enjoy that?!?" or such like. Granted the majority tend to be more of the "it's not for me" ilk, but there's absolutely no enforced etiquette that demands people remain perfectly PC about how they view what's being discussed.
You're allowed to disagree, or even correct someone if you think they've made an unfair assumption or other remark, but generally how it would go when the roles were reveresed would be someone saying "actually, this is how it is" or "I enjoy it because...", and if folk respond that their minds remain unchanged, then it's open for discussion (although personal attacks of the "you're sick" sort would tip into the Harassment/Abuse area of the rules). But in this case it devolved due to faults on both sides: getting snippy with the person who said something you don't like - while understandable - is bound to draw some hostility, and them reacting defensively to that - again, understandable - just escalates things further. After that point, ideally everyone could have decided that no harm was intended, present opinions to try and 'educate' people who may have missed the point, and move on. To be honest, the problem now is that, days later, people are still taking comments said due to not thinking ("vanilla is boring") or emotion ("so much for open-mindedness!") to heart. No one intended to offend anyone, the same standards apply in this discussion as all others, and much as I don't want to say "sit down and shut up" to anyone, especially when they're feeling victimised, there is no ground to be made here and all everyone can do is realise that sometimes people say things without considering every possible reaction and try to at least discuss it without feeling that any of it was a personal attack on anyone, and stop slinging about the "that's your problem" and "etiquette defends you and not me" statements, because that's the stuff that's just winding folk up and dragging this dead horse out into the sun all over again.
aaww!
It does not matter what people do & don't do, aslong its safe and both willing to do it! and no rush FINE!
Because one couple does one thing but another don't like and see it as wrong thats their personally choice!
Because I chase after older ladies compared to me, does seem odd to most people? aslong we both happy then it's no ones business!
Vanilla? well its upto the person thinking about! like a photo of a lady with her legs crossed with no shoes on with an evil look, most will think angry lady or odd girl... when I think handcuff me girl and domination with you feet !
but Vanilla could have more then one thing! even if a couple wanted to rub vanilla ice cream in her clit and got the BF to lick it! I am sure thats fun 
same with Crude, yes in my eye it mean homemade or improvised? but here its means rude!