I haven’t had a lot of experience and have never really expressed consent in adult activities. I’m wondering what it looks like and how it works in others’ experience?
I’ve been wanting to bring this up to my partner but I don’t know where to start. Incidentally he was reading something aloud female orgasm that talked about consent being obtained, and I don’t think he’d ever heard of the concept. ( We’re in our 50s and 60s, lest you think we’re teenagers. )
If I don’t want to do something and I say no, the other person better stop. Likewise if someone says stop to me. I stop. I think consent requires communication.
The difficulty is is how consent is communicated is entirely different for different people. Some people may want to give and receive clear verbal cues, whilst for others a guiding hand or a little look communicates everything you need if you have a good level of understanding between you.
What’s important is knowing that you can always change your mind. You may say no to something but it’s ok to be clear with someone if your mind changes and it becomes a yes, and equally you can say yes and change your mind and withdraw consent and it become a no.
That is how it should be a straight No so there is a clear statement being made.
Maybe if you are in a relationship and know each other well enough.
Mrs W here ……
@BUSTYSTCLAIRE is spot on……
Its as simple as traffic lights which everybody understands…… xx
For my husband and I it’s less “do you consent to this activity?” And more if one makes a move and the other engages positively, that’s consent. If it’s a new activity it will be “what do you think of…?” (Outside of the bedroom) and if the reaction isn’t positive, the conversation goes no further. If it is, we discuss exploring it.
For us we talk about things before. For instance we discussed trying butt plugs for both of us, hubby then decided later he had changed his mind and said he didnt want to do it as he did not feel comfortable with putting anything up there so i respect that. So just because someone says they would like to try (give consent) doesnt mean they cant change their minds later. Also just because you try something once doesnt mean you will want to continue to do it forever more. So communication is important.
Was the subject of consent in the realm of orgasm denial ? That is getting your partner to the threshold of orgasm, then withholding or preventing stimulation to get to orgasm. It is a kink a lot of people utilize to get stronger orgasms.
Otherwise, consent needs to be discussed so as not to violate the trust you have as a couple. Trust in a relationship is the most crucial building block to true intimacy. Never assume any act is ok, especially when it gets to things you have not explicitly discussed.
For me if it’s someone or something new my partners and I are doing consent better be enthusiastic.
My partners and I depending on the play there’s is a thing called consensual non-consent. It applies to things like funishments. But to get to that there was previous consent given.
All things said No means no yes means yes and maybe,means no until I say yes.
Consent is giving the other person the right to do something to you for which they have asked your expressed permission to do.
You either consent or you don’t that is your choice.
I’d guess it would look like when both are showing eager interest in sexual activities together and enjoying it… but ultimately consent is a word that is given by both at the start to say they are ok with having sex together… so younger generations now overly think into it in fears of it getting turned around on them like rape if it wasn’t verbally agreed upon before hand.
No, that wasn’t the context.
For me, it’s always apparently been assumed by my partners (one at a time) that sex is ok. I thought maybe people actually ask for consent. I know many on this forum are in LTRs so I would think some assuming is all right in that case. I’ve heard about college campuses having policies about express consent, but that was after my time in college.
Often, in college campuses, there is a common occurrence of some drinking or substance use, so in that context, being under the influence could prevent giving of implied consent. With couples, as you get to know each other and your proclivities regarding sexual play you get a sense of what may or may not cross a line of consent.
Yes there’s even apps now you can get on phones for consent where both people have to verbally speak a recording/video on the app to clarify they’ve given consent. Many of these things came out when the media shined a spotlight on sexual behaviour in campus where people was falsely reporting rape as a revenge plan or some even withdrew their consent without saying anything during or after sex, causing a nightmare for legal actions to be taken and decided upon…