First, great post.
“Not the kind of answer you think you’re supposed to give, just your real one. How do you think about it, and how does it show up in your day-to-day life?”
I’m male, darn near 60 years old right now. It took me until my early 40’s to be sexually well due to a combination of things from a young age on as I was born in the 1960’s. My younger sister and I were both abused in many ways for years and years and that took a toll on both of us of course.
I was also quite large down there from a young age on too and I would get into trouble for it from a young age on by many different people, such as teachers, especially the nuns who taught me in the 2nd and 4th grades. A few mom’s of friends I knew and spent the night at their homes had issues with me due to that and one wouldn’t allow me to come over or spend the night there anymore.
I had issues on sports teams, in locker rooms, throughout schooling, including being “pants” many times in the 5th and 6th grades as I began a new public school in the 5th grade.
My gf, who became my future wife and ex-wife (she cheated, I divorced her) really wasn’t happy with me down there. She hated that I was noticeable down there to others. She didn’t like that others talked about me in high school, said things to her etc.
Being that I was abused in many ways and with my mother being mean, abusive, an alcoholic, I took many things from my gf that I shouldn’t have put up with.
I had to walk on eggshells around my mom growing up and I met my future wife when we were both freshman in high school and we dated from then on.
She ruled our roost from the get go. I walked on eggshells around my gf right away as that was my normal and I was still living at home with my mom then of course.
My wife would have me leave places, she’d tell me to stay in the car or that I had to go into her classroom (after school, she taught elementary school) when I came to help her with things like updating her bulletin boards etc. One time she and I were in the hallway working on her bulletin board outside her classroom when two of her colleagues were walking towards us in the hallway.
My wife turned to look at me down there, and told me that I had to go into her classroom so they wouldn’t have to see “that” so I went into her room, sat in the chair at her desk. I knew of the two teachers so they popped their heads in to say hello to me and then they talked with my wife for a bit and then they walked off and I came back out to help my wife again.
OK, that wasn’t so bad but I could write hundreds of more examples, though no one would read them as that would be way too many.
It wasn’t just my sexual wellness that took a long time to work itself out for me, it was many things due to my childhood abuse and due to issues with gf/wife/ex-wife and it went well beyond my size down there of course with her.
After I caught her cheating, I began going to therapy and I went for years, plural, seeing many different therapists, in different states. It didn’t take them long to begin with my childhood after I began seeing them and they had a lot to work on with me.
Things began to turn around for me in my early 40’s thanks to two main things. First was several good therapists and 2nd was my current wife. She and I married in 2013 and she accepts me in all ways, is positive, supportive, loving etc.
I lived walking on eggshells non-stop from as early on as I can remember with my mother right up to a few years after divorcing my ex-wife.
It wasn’t a quick fix.
I wasn’t able to be well in any part of life, sexual or otherwise until I had a lot of therapy and a loving, kind, patient, understanding wife who is incredibly supportive of me in all ways.
Mainly, “sexual wellness” to me means being comfortable with ones body, with one’s life and with their partner, if they have one. A partner isn’t needed of course but the wrong partner can make one having a good sexual wellness very difficult to achieve or have.
), and more recently I’ve been a bit more open on chatting about this with my friends. I think theses all part of it too.
I think it is massively connected to open communication and acceptance. But there is also a part of novelty and feeling of being desired that are part of that. But it is quite a mystery to me 
