What toys do you use?

Hello, hello! 

So we have been talking about a few items we stock on the site and with that a question popped up...

What do our gay & lesbian community use that we have to offer. I mean we have the 'go to' classic double dildos, but is that really want you want? 

Are there any items we stock that are perfect in your opinion for same sex playtime.. or even for alone time?

Is there anything you can suggest to improve on what we do stock? Or have you found your own adjustments to items here that work for you? 

Our moto is you can never know enough about sex and I knew this would be the best place to start learning more, with such a helpful variety of people with many prefences, likes and dislikes. 

I am hoping this post may help others if they may be stuck on a toy decision or maybe just help me in my quest for knowledge!

We do get the question of what toys are best a lot, and we would love to know more...

Thank you all for your time heart

Hey Leanne!

I'm a bisexual who is currently in a relationship with a man now, but I can discuss my experiences with my ex-girlfriends if that's helpful at all.

From my experience, toys can be quite a difficult thing to bring into a same sex encounter sometimes. I think the #1 thing that I valued most during my lesbian relationships was actually lube. We used it constantly for various activities, so it's great that there's a lot of choice here (I always bought it from LH at the time).

Personally, I don't respond to internal penetration very much but I've been with partners who do and it's a very different experience. Honestly, I've never had a successful encounter using a double ended dildo. They are extremely tricky to use, particularly if you are a bigger girl. Plus, there aren't many options that are non-porous material, which for those of us who are very concerned with cleanliness means there are fewer options. If anything, I'd like to see more silicone options in the double ended dildo section at various lengths and sizes.

I found that most of my partners and friends either used nothing at all, a single toy, or went all out with a strap-on. As with everything, people have preferences. I know some of my lesbian friends and partners HATE using a natural looking dildo but don't want something very girly (like pink or purple) which can sometimes be a bit difficult to find. However, LH seems to have good black/grey options though they are marketed more towards the pegging crowd and/or men specifically.

Some people only use natural skin tones, which, again, can be hard to find for some people. For example, my ex was Arabic and it was impossible to find a dildo that was anything like her skin tone.

I have to say that I never really experimented with anal or bondage with my lesbian partners. I know for a fact that bondage is getting more and more popular, however. One issue that a friend of mine has had (and she's okay with me sharing this, I've checked!) is that she's butch but on the smaller side and has trouble finding bondage/fetish clothes that are masculine enough for her but would actually fit. Most of them seem to be for men. She's ended up having to buy men's options and then altering them herself which she's not over the moon about because they don't look as clean and professional after she's hacked away at them with some scissors!

Hope that helps a little! Again, this is from my perspective and probably very different from other's experiences. xxx

bex1213 wrote:

Hey Leanne!

I'm a bisexual who is currently in a relationship with a man now, but I can discuss my experiences with my ex-girlfriends if that's helpful at all.

From my experience, toys can be quite a difficult thing to bring into a same sex encounter sometimes. I think the #1 thing that I valued most during my lesbian relationships was actually lube. We used it constantly for various activities, so it's great that there's a lot of choice here (I always bought it from LH at the time).

Personally, I don't respond to internal penetration very much but I've been with partners who do and it's a very different experience. Honestly, I've never had a successful encounter using a double ended dildo. They are extremely tricky to use, particularly if you are a bigger girl. Plus, there aren't many options that are non-porous material, which for those of us who are very concerned with cleanliness means there are fewer options. If anything, I'd like to see more silicone options in the double ended dildo section at various lengths and sizes.

I found that most of my partners and friends either used nothing at all, a single toy, or went all out with a strap-on. As with everything, people have preferences. I know some of my lesbian friends and partners HATE using a natural looking dildo but don't want something very girly (like pink or purple) which can sometimes be a bit difficult to find. However, LH seems to have good black/grey options though they are marketed more towards the pegging crowd and/or men specifically.

Some people only use natural skin tones, which, again, can be hard to find for some people. For example, my ex was Arabic and it was impossible to find a dildo that was anything like her skin tone.

I have to say that I never really experimented with anal or bondage with my lesbian partners. I know for a fact that bondage is getting more and more popular, however. One issue that a friend of mine has had (and she's okay with me sharing this, I've checked!) is that she's butch but on the smaller side and has trouble finding bondage/fetish clothes that are masculine enough for her but would actually fit. Most of them seem to be for men. She's ended up having to buy men's options and then altering them herself which she's not over the moon about because they don't look as clean and professional after she's hacked away at them with some scissors!

Hope that helps a little! Again, this is from my perspective and probably very different from other's experiences. xxx

Super helpful. Thank you so much for sharing this! heart

Hi Leanne,

I spoke to one of my friends about this after seeing this thread as he's bisexual (currently in a relationship with a guy) and shops here often. He doesn't use the forums but has given me permission to answer on his behalf.

He said that he's really happy with the butt play section and there are lots of toys in that category that are suitable for him and his partner, but there aren't as many masturbators (realistic) that work for his relationship. He says that most of the male masturbators available that feature an ass also have a vagina, which is an absolute no-go for his boyfriend, so he'd love to see more butt specific options available.

Hope that helps!

That's really interesting Nat about the male masturbators. I hadn't thought about the fact they usually have female parts before. That may well be a really popular new product to have male parts instead :)

While I'm pansexual and in a gay relationship with a trans male, I can't really vouch for what would help us as a gay couple, but in the past I have been in gay relationships that this applies to, so I do at least have a few opinions on what would be nicer.

What sits at the very top of the list is stronger and more powerful anal/prostate vibrators. A big issue with past relationships has been the fact that there's been a real struggle to find prostate play toys that actually get the job done.

Another issue is it's not especially easy to convince somebody to start using toys in the bedroom because there just aren't that many toys that are great for introducting somebody to using toys. A lot of the less intimidating stuff is usually cheaper, but often doesn't really give much of a lasting impression, if you get me? It'd be nicer if there was more premium, high quality toys that dont seem rather intimidating to use (for example, a lot of male vibrators in the premium end, even on the minimum setting, can be rather uncomfortable for a beginner, it'd be nice if there was toys with a much better range of speeds and settings etc, most just use 3 to 7 that dont really help much?)

One more thing I found was that there's a lot of small adjustments made to toys that were really useful. For example, cutting the top off a lovehoney basics stroker to make it open ended so it could be used on two people at once. This was great, but it'd be nicer if there was perhaps longer ones that could be used for this (i now have a mental image stuck in my head of a chinese finger trap but with todgers...)

More attachments for magic wands that men can use would also be nice. So far LH only has one anal attachment in a prostate massager. It'd be nice to have something more substantial to be used like a dildo or just any sort of length that's longer than the small prostate massager. That said, more attachments in general would be nice. The hummingbird is incredibly hit and miss depending on a partners size. I found that I could only ever use it on myself and not my ex because it would just hurt him, so there was basically zero use of my wand on him.

More penis vibrators in general would be useful. There's a very minimal amount of them. Some BDSM play is quite limited just because there's simply not enough mens toys you can really use. One person I have been with had told me that during a session he felt rather bored with toys and would have preferred just me. All female friends have said they prefer toys being used during such sessions. It seems that perhaps the options available for men just aren't as good as for females.

'Sensation' lubes like menthol cooling ones or heating ones are lovely, because I've had a problem with a lot of guys where it can be rather dull just having some vanilla sex, and it's really nice to have extra options.

Anything to make oral a little more excited is appreciated.

But that's just for couples. As far as solo play goes, my one gripe is that even with bases, a lot of anal toys still come out once in use. I have a wonderful prostate massager that I have to keep one hand on at all times or else it comes out. Really defeats the purpose of a hands free orgasm, I think.

While not for me, but for others, more butt shaped fleshlights would be useful. Most of them are vaginal and most gay guys don't really want to be using that.

More discreet dildos would be lovely. Part of the reason I don't buy many is because they're quite blatant compared to most other things.

Stronger strokers and masturbators. A lot of them seem to rip or get damaged with even the most remotely rigorous use. Only the big expensive ones like tenga flipholes seem to get long mileage out of them.

Phew, that was a lot. Not sure how much of that is feasible.

Hi Leanne,

As I'm sure you know I'm streight, but I have had a chat with some of my gay friends.

Generally the butt plug options are good, nice range of shapes sizes and materials, glass is very popular.

One of my lesbian couple friends said the this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35175 is interesting and would like to see more "grindable" items. I'm not quite sure of the specifics here, but I can see the potential. Rather than something to use with your hand on your clit, a larger item that can be hands free to really push and grind against, maybe attachable to her partners thigh. Sorry it's a bit vague. Hope it helps. Oh and it must be non porous.

Thank you all so much and thank you for chatting around outside the community , I think it is great we can all share experiences and point people - including Lovehoney in the right direction. 

Fantastic suggestions and feedback already.

I do hope we can help other members and educate us as a company too. heart

Hi Leanne,

Generally, I think we need to be moving away from marketing products to specific genders/sexualities - because really, it doesn't need to be.

Dildos are for anyone.
Butt plugs/anal beads are for anyone.
Wands are for anyone.

Also, not everyone who has a prostate/penis identified as male (and of course, it goes the other way!)

In terms of offerings, I would love to see more 'gender neutral' masturbators - or even a line of 'butt' / 'mouth' masturbators like the new Thrust range. That would be awesome.

As a couple that identifies as male/male - we'd love to see more toys that can allow for mutual masturbation (the Tom of Finland Head 2 Head Vibrating sleeve is one such thing we have enjoyed).

More silicone options for dildos/vibrators.

On a personal note, I wish you would stock the larger size of the SpareParts Deuce harness (I'll add this to pander to me later).

For the most part though, I think Lovehoney has got a fair enough balance.

Just my 2 cents :)

DavidB1986 wrote:

Hi Leanne,

Generally, I think we need to be moving away from marketing products to specific genders/sexualities - because really, it doesn't need to be.

Dildos are for anyone.
Butt plugs/anal beads are for anyone.
Wands are for anyone.

Also, not everyone who has a prostate/penis identified as male (and of course, it goes the other way!)

+1 I've several times now seen people with a prostate say they enjoy using rabbits anally, yet rabbits are marketed as a "toy for women". I'd appreciate a step away from gendering toys. I also think lingerie that looks the same as women's but would fit a male build is a great idea from Alicia.

And visa versa as bex suggested: more masculine looking outfits that would fit a female build.

I think a good way to be more inclusive is to include more images of different kinds of couple's around the site, all the images I've seen of couples are of heterosexual couple's, apart from one on a blog post once (it was emoji about the squeal launch, rather than a picture of a gay couple). I think this would make the site feel more LGBT+ friendly, rather than sections for toys that lesbians might like etc, if that is what you had in mind.

Sorry for the multiple posts and if I got a bit off topic, it just got me thinking!

Jezebella wrote:

I think a good way to be more inclusive is to include more images of different kinds of couple's around the site, all the images I've seen of couples are of heterosexual couple's, apart from one on a blog post once (it was emoji about the squeal launch, rather than a picture of a gay couple). I think this would make the site feel more LGBT+ friendly, rather than sections for toys that lesbians might like etc, if that is what you had in mind.

Sorry for the multiple posts and if I got a bit off topic, it just got me thinking!

+1

I wouldn't say from my own experience that I use different toys in same sex relationships and mixed sex relationships. I've used vibrators, butt plugs, and strap ons with girlfriends and boyfriends - there really aren't that many toys that can only be enjoyed by people with certain genitals, or by couples with certain combinations of genitals. But making the site more LGBT friendly would be a good thing, I think.

Some really interesting ideas on here.


I really like Alicia's idea for the lingerie with extra space and padding for a male build and I think as Jezebella said that more masculine items for a female build would be great. I would also love to see tastefully done really arty images of same sex couples throughout the site just like the heterosexual couples that we are so used to seeing already.


Also it would be good to see transgender models for lingerie products and for the bondage gear. I really think this would make Lovehoney an even more inclusive place to be for everyone and make it really stand out from the crowd :)

Agree gendered language for toys is unnecessary but I imagine that's what brings in the customers.

As for actual toys. More kinda funky, colourful toys. Less flesh coloured, realistic-looking toys. Toys don't always need to look like genitals. I prefer them not too. That's my trans lesbian PoV :)

+1 to everyone saying less gendering of toys. Things that say "g-spot and prostate massager" are always my favourites. It's easier to get more trustworthy reviews from both genders.

Great suggestions and points made ! 

I hope I have not offended anyone , was just hoping to get an insight as to some favs you may use in the LGBT community.  

We love to learn and thank you for your help in educating us and other members heart

queer sarah wrote:

Agree gendered language for toys is unnecessary but I imagine that's what brings in the customers.

As for actual toys. More kinda funky, colourful toys. Less flesh coloured, realistic-looking toys. Toys don't always need to look like genitals. I prefer them not too. That's my trans lesbian PoV :)

+1 I prefer toys not to look "realistic" too, however there is plenty of dildos that aren't that I can chose from. It seems from the comments to be more of a problem with the masturbaters mosting having vulvas...

Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:

Great suggestions and points made !

I hope I have not offended anyone , was just hoping to get an insight as to some favs you may use in the LGBT community.

We love to learn and thank you for your help in educating us and other members

No, I don't think you offended anyone. I think it's great that you want to try to be more inclusive.

I just think it's so important to remove 'gender' labelling because I think it potentially puts people off. On a sex toy forum elsewhere, I always see guys having to assert their heterosexuality when asking about things like dildos and butt plugs. Sex toys are for everybody! YAY!

*Bump - as we have some new members that may want to pop some input in too 

And fantastic point made by DavidB1986 Sex Toys are for everybody