Would you be happy if he was doing the same???
Hypothetically speaking?
If it was something that made them happy and enriched the relationship..then I would say Ok.
Enriched - as in excited them, made them more horny for me, cos I would be available instantly fr
or them.
Yourself?
hmmm yes i can see that working but would rather know about it and be part of it
would wonder why he wanted to do so behind my back tho...maybe i'm just paranoid!!
have often been 'the other woman' and seen the lying and cheating from the other side
my ex lied and cheated too but financially...i wished he'd had sex with someone else in the end!!!
It's all cheating in my opinion! x
But wouldn't you wonder why he hadn't told you???
Love new pic x
i would conside any pohysical sontact as cheating. and as for the cyber/ phone aspect of it, i think its cheating, unless the other partner knows, and agrees (for example couples who post on the blog)
I am polyamorous, so for me, myself or my partners having physical contact with others isn't necessarily cheating.
For me, fidelity is all about agreements which my partners and I negotiate with each other, and cheating is any transgression of those agreements. Personally, because I require absolute and complete honesty and trust, I would consider any lie to be cheating. For example, if my partner said he went to the supermarket, but actually he went bowling instead, I would consider that cheating, because his lie transgressed our agreement and betrayed my trust.
For me, pre-negotiated physical contact with others is fine, but the lies and betrayal of trust are deal breakers. I would end a relationship on those alone (and have done so before). I can never know if one lie is going to be the only one (which in my experience it never is), and as a result, I cannot tolerate lies of any kind, ever.
This is an interesting one. I have the worse double standards. As far as I am concerned anything from a kiss is cheating. My OH feels the same and I would never cheat on him (i learnt my lesson with a previous partner)
However, i caught him flirting I owuld kill him; but I am a huge flirt and he lets me chat to men. I am not sexually interested int hem but he doesn't mind becuase he knows its in my nature.
The think I am most interested in is if people class cyber sex and been unfaithful. With social networking sites such as second life on the rise. What would you do if you caught your parter having cyber sex with someone else? is it cheating? I'm not so sure.
pp x
Kissing another is Cheating & everything beyond, a bit of flirting... No. Sensual encounters, kissing & cuddling/fondling are supposed to be with the ones you love/care for, they are an intimate act which are as unfaithful as getting piped off by the local bike!
Flirting makes the world go round, makes others feel better about yourselves & also gets you more chips at the chippy! If it stays fun & jovial fine, if some one is building a nest for later then no.
It's amazing just how common cheating is, It is scary thinking how little people value & respect their OH.
Some very interesting points have been raised today.
Shows how people differ.
Wonder how it would differ in a gender/age split.
N40
Kvetch is starting to sound interesting !!
Tallboy
For me it's everything from a kiss and I agree that the emotional aspect can be worse than the physical side. But it would have to have progressed to a physical relationship to be cheating. Just me humble opinion.
Oh yes cybersex is cheating to me as well because it's nearly physical in intent.
Ii think the trouble with cyber anything is that you say things you may not when face to face...
The internet removes or changes a great deal of the values that we often live by and lets our base instincts take over...which is fine unless other people can get hurt
The whole question is not just WHAT is cheating, but WHY has the cheating, if that is how it is seen, taken place.
Some people just cheat on their partners because they are basically not faithful people, However, this is not always the case by any means.
I would think that often, or even usually, there will be a reason why one half of a couple has ended up looking elsewhere for either Physical or Emotional needs and it is not always as simple as blaming the cheater for being unfaithful.
Can it be forgiven or justified?
It is very easy to theorise how you would feel and think you are totally sure of how you feel, but until you are in the position on either cheating on your partner or being cheated on and understand the reasons for either, it really is impossible to say.
Just my opinion, I am sure others will disagree.
red_queen wrote:
Ii think the trouble with cyber anything is that you say things you may not when face to face...
The internet removes or changes a great deal of the values that we often live by and lets our base instincts take over...which is fine unless other people can get hurt
The Internet does not have to remove or change peoples values unless they want or allow them to.
Personally, I do not say things to or about people on any of the forums I am a member of that I would not say directly to their person if I were to meet them.
I think 'emotional' affairs are as damaging as 'sexual' affairs.If a partner starts investing time and energy into another relationship and not making the effort with their partner then it is dangerous ground.I would rather find out my hubby had sex with a prostitute than taken his collegue to dinner and a movie without my knowledge.Each of us can fall in love/lust with so many people and we will even though we are married/in relationship but we have to make the choice NOT to keep spending time with those we find ourselves attracted to if we feel we are wanting them more than our partner.Life does get dull in a relationship and it so easy to have a fling that doesn't mean anything but if it hurts our partner it not worth it-yours boringly! Sunny x
Forgot to say-totally agree with Lubyanka.My hubby has lied so many times that I wonder what else he has lied about and I question him about everything.His job takes him away for months at a time which leaves me terrified, very depressed and my self esteem at an all time low.He gets mad because I don't trust him-always accuse him of cheating but it was his lies that have fed my insecurities.I feel I have been cheated on and I don't think I can get over it.He has also invested a lot of time into another woman when I was needing him-this nearly destroyed our marriage-was this cheating?I complain so but he disagrees.Luby-you guys sound amazing-hope you happy for a very long time:)
Sunnydawn wrote:
Forgot to say-totally agree with Lubyanka.My hubby has lied so many times that I wonder what else he has lied about and I question him about everything.His job takes him away for months at a time which leaves me terrified, very depressed and my self esteem at an all time low.He gets mad because I don't trust him-always accuse him of cheating but it was his lies that have fed my insecurities.I feel I have been cheated on and I don't think I can get over it.He has also invested a lot of time into another woman when I was needing him-this nearly destroyed our marriage-was this cheating?I complain so but he disagrees.Luby-you guys sound amazing-hope you happy for a very long time:)
Wow, Sunnydawn, your story breaks my heart. That has happened to me so many times -
1. Partner lies to me
2. My trust damaged, I begin to query everything more insistently
3. Partner does annoying guilt-trippy "Don't you trust me?" and "You calling me a liar?" crap
4. Partner blames all our relationship issues on me for MY "trust issues" (i.e. how dare I not trust him)
4. Turns out partner was lying the whole time and blaming me for all of his shitty behaviour
It sounds like you're beginning to realise that you deserve much, much, much better. Of course he will disagree when you complain, it sounds to me like he's doing the typical passing-the-buck thing. If he's like the people I've encountered, he abdicates all responsibility and blames you for all his bad behaviour.
(whereas he takes credit for all his good behaviour, of course)
If he agreed when you complained, then he would actually have to acknowledge that he's doing something wrong. And if he fits the type I've encountered so many times, he will never acknowledge that, and will continue to describe you to others as the bad guy. And it sounds like you might have fallen into the habit of believing him when he says that. :/
If he's like the ones I've met, then he will take every occasional nice thing he's done for you, and throw it in your face as if you're being an ungrateful cow, when he really should be doing that kind of nice stuff for you all the time. Whereas you probably do nice stuff for him all the time and he hardly ever thanks you, I bet.
.
.
I really appreciate your good wishes, Sunnydawn. I hope we're great together for a long time too. It isn't always easy. Just today he was hurling a lot of shit at me because he was feeling crappy. I realised this, and told him that speaking to me like that wasn't acceptable no matter how badly he was feeling. He went out for awhile, and when he came back he was feeling better. He brought me a cool portable external optical drive (really tiny, barely larger than a CD) and apologised.
I think it's a really, really good thing that he doesn't do that often enough to drown me in presents, because I can't think of any number of presents which would be worth that!
But occasionally, it's nice. :)
Oh, one more thing, I firmly believe that emotional betrayal and sexual betrayal are exactly the same thing, because both involve lies and deceit and damaging trust, so really, I think the damage done by both is the same.
Strapon! wrote:
It's all cheating in my opinion! x
i agree and thats coming from a male point of view.
if you are with someone who you care for and they dont or wont then you should not.
if you cant stick with the plan move on baby!!!
mr bjsp