why cant I be more forward?

I just cant seem to be more forward in the bedroom.

I seem to wait for him to make a move, and he waits for me to make a move and more often than not it means we dont have sex at all and both drop off asleep!

The other night I got a bit peed off with him because I was wearing nice undies and he didnt seem to be that interested! We did have sex eventually.

I really lack the ability to be agressive to just grab it and make it clear I want sex!


I have a similar situation here. If I don't make the move, then we don't have sex. I have made peace with the fact that sex just isn't on the forefront of his mind - even though he enjoys it. He just seems to prefer I take the lead (even though on ocassion I would love it if he would instigate it).

The only thing I can suggest is communcation. Talk to him. Tell him that whilst you love taking charge, perhaps once in a while, he could do so. Communication is so vital and important in relationships.

Good luck!

I am wondering if this is more of an issue cross a lot more couples than you think !

I too suffer from this , my wife and i can spend all day exchanging dirty emails rude text discribing what I would like to do to her or I would like her to do to me , in great erotic detail ,

but sadly to many times by the time we get to bed , the children are asleep and we both have had baths We often spend time just laying in bed , Me wondering if she will make the first move . or if i should , or even if she's still wants me to forefill one of the messages ?

But what a lot of ladies dont understand , is that for men a hint could be anything ! if you want some thing the hint has to be the same as a slap across the face with a wet fish !


The same goes for men in a lot of cases im sure !

Some times its mindblowing when the quiet partner takes the initiative

I can understand confidance is a lot to do with it and if you do take matters into your own hand the risk of being knocked back has long lasting effects, but talking with your partner,planning and understanding will only help.

(I was wearing nice undies and he didnt seem to be that interested)

He may have noticed I normally do, but to him it doesnt always mean you want to be intermate ! and he may feel like if he does try to be intermate with you he may be the one being knocked back !

Maybe it might be an idea that if you can find the courage to talk with your partner plan things a little ! find some way of signalling each other that you might be receptive to there advances !

I know that if my better half come to bed with no knickerss on I am able to play ! maybe a bed side lamp thats if it left on signals you hankering for some thing more than sleep !

Nothing I can say will give you the confidance , these tips may help !

Age old problem - say nothing and nothing happens, talk about it and the spark dies. My thought is to talk about it but to establish some code words you can both use to find out if you're both up for it. The thing is, you need to establish some system thast helps you both to know how the other's feeling, or you'll end up missing opportunities because one or other of you thinks it isn't going to happen.

Alternatively just be direct: "Any chance of a fuck or am I going to have to have a wank?" You can dress it up a bit but the message is clear. In fact, the first Mrs. P. occasionally used to start playing with herself and I usualy got the hint ...

Some nice insight from a mans perspective thanks.
I like the wet fish point lol.
We used to have weds and sun nights as our "guaranteed" nights. But that petered out.
Last night we read A few of the fifty days of play cards, but nothing happened. By the time id put the dogs to bed he was asleep.
And that's another thing!
I always think he's asleep and next say says oh I wasn't asleep. Well it sure seems like it!

We have a code, if her pants are off when we get to bed (im normally a bit later than her) then we are good for sex, pants on i leave her alone.

Similar situation, its always me that makes the first move.In the past it was always him, maybe now he thinks its my turn to do all the work! Once things get going its all great but I'm afraid I can't wait for him to move first , I seem to have a much higher sex drive and there have been times that I've had to sort myself out while he's laying next to me asleep.

Usually I start playing with myself and then take his hand and put it where I want it, I reckon thats a big enough hint! Give it a try:)

We all want to be desired, to be shown how desired you are is wonderful but to feel rejection is far worse. This is what is holding you back. My suggestion is to try and have a cuddle every night before you go to sleep. Once this is the norm you will find it so much easier to then suggested that you would like sex. Like grind your public bone into him, slide your knee between his thighs and squeeze his bum and pull him into you.

When confidence allows there is nothing more thrilling than to have your woman take your hand and put it between her her open thighs. We are a stereotypical couple I usually initiate sex. I made my wife a promise so long as I wasn't asleep if she tried to initiate I would never turn her down. This has given her such confidence to ask and it is so nice for to be asked a bit more.

Be bold and I think you will be very surprised and thrilled by taking the lead.

Thanks gg. I guess I'll take the plunge lol

communication can take various forms, it doesn't have to be a bald ' hey fancy ...'

so you wore your fancy underwear and the hint wasn't taken, as has been said, maybe that's too subtle, or maybe he was genuinely knackered. You could always leave a little note for him when he comes home, or with his dinner......' know what, i'd love to be ravished on the sofa later - wanna play? or whatever......' fancy a massage later'....'i've been wanting for you all afternoon'

share a bath, have a date at home - dress up and do something out of the norm, use 3rd party blame to overcome shyness ' i saw this hot scene in a film earlier, god it made me think of that time at band camp'......

personally i'm not a fan of the set night for action - there's too many variables in our lives and more than that it becomes a predictable rut.

my oh uses an obvious hint, she starts playing with my member. I soon get the hint, and become in the mood if i'm not.

Well yes will that's what he wants me to do I think
He's even said I can wake him up if it's for sex lol

( He's even said I can wake him up if it's for sex lol )

I think to be honest thats what almost all men would like !

if your parnter is keen enough to wake you from a deep sleep with a hand or even better a mouth round your little friend you know you must be doing something right !

pinkanimal wrote:

Well yes will that's what he wants me to do I think
He's even said I can wake him up if it's for sex lol

I am sure that both of you would have mobile phones. If you ever feel like in the mood than go to your bedroom and send him a text along the lines that you are ready and waiting for him.

Still no sex :(
Even had a little cry last night
I don't understand recently he just doesn't seem into me. :(
Won't get a chance to talk to him tonight coz he gets home from work and takes me to my work and I'm there till 10. I'll try when I get home from work I guess.
A few weeks ago he was all over me now just lies there. He knows I'm not confident enough to approach him for it :( I've lost just over a stone and still hate my body :(

big hugs to you. hope things are better today for you x

Tried to talk last night.
He waits for me to make a move.
I wait for him
Guess I need to just pluck up the courage

i feel for you as im in the same position as you . You seem as though you have enjoyed varied sex together so to me i cant understand why he doesnt seem keen. Was he happy to talk about it with you ?

pinkanimal wrote:

Tried to talk last night.
He waits for me to make a move.
I wait for him
Guess I need to just pluck up the courage

Have you tried sending suggestive sms on his mobile phone?

I have the same issue. Practically no confidence, I am just a docile potato just waiting to for him to somehow get turned on and rock on over. Not an effective method at all...

But to make things worse, I get turned down for taking the initiative. I have a bad habit of just jumping into things, following a pattern. The first time I took the initiative, after months of hoping he would react to sexy underwear, I did the classic get on top and kiss a lot. Success! However...after that it kind of stopped working. I would get turned down, I would start pestering him for sex - and honestly act in a way, where if I were a man, I could get into serious trouble. My self-esteem was at rock bottom. After a while of being turned down, I just gave up trying.

I have talked to him loads about it, talked through all the different corners of the issue - he has a lower sex drive, I don't wear sexy clothes enough, he needs time to build up but he doesn't notice when I even try to initiate that process. It is a nightmare. Ideally, if he had his way, I would read his mind, know that sex is something he could possibly want, then saunter into the room wearing Agent Provocateur lingerie (which, even if I could afford, would never fit over my boobs), and procede to be the Belle du Jour. And I'm sorry Jim, but I just can't do that. It isn't me. Sure I love lingerie but sexy is not a look I am comfortable with. Not only that, but although objectively it is attractive on other women, the girls I preferred to date in the past were jogger wearing Bridget Jones Pants and a sports bra type of girl...and I find that sexy.

All relationships involve comprimise. I love him, and I know we will work something out. But until I magically become size eight with Beyonce's thighs and boobs that aren't bigger than footballs, initiating sex is something I will limit to brave days.