Hi,
Looking for some advice, been married for a long time and have tried many things, but one thing we haven't tried is Anal. It's came up in conversation a few times but OH has declined, which is fair enough but I think it's the uncertainty on how it feels etc will it be sore so on.... Has anyone overcome this and been in the same situation and how we could take small steps to try it out... If it's still no fair enough...
Sometimes people don't always say what they think even when very close. Maybe she's concerned it won't be clean. If this is the case re assure you will only use small toys and no finers or tongue.
Could also be social learning. Anal being taboo wrong gay etc which is more difficult to overcome
I think this is dangerous ground. You are in danger of pushing her to perform a sexual act she is not willing to partake and even if you would never actually push her she could perceive it to be that is what you are doing. Not only would it make her uncomfortable but also it could ruin any chance of ever trying it with her.
Has she told you why she doesn't want to try it? Have you discussed the possibility of her partaking in pleasuring you anally? Or maybe it would be a good idea for you to explore it yourself. If you try it and enjoy it she may decide she wants to get involved or even try it on herself.
Practically the important thing is to be relaxed and use plenty of lube. Start small and work your way up. An anal douche is good for hygiene and cleanliness. If she is nervous about seeing/feeling/smelling something "nasty" then it would be good to discuss douching with her.
Either way I hope you both enjoy exploring new pleasures.
If she is worried it is not clean back there, then she could use a douche in which she can use to clean herself out. Lovehoney sells some excellent douche bottles. They are not that expensive to buy either.
Just talk to her you guys will take it Real slow when starting out doing anal.
Hope everything turns out OK with you guys.
Thanks for the reply , and honesty, and take on board what you say.. And if my wife still isn't willing I wouldn't force it on her, just we have tried other things in which she wasn't sure about and once we tried it she likes it and it becomes a regular thing in the bedroom department.... Think this still be a non runner ... But as you say maybe try other things first and see what happens...thank againBrowncoats wrote:
I think this is dangerous ground. You are in danger of pushing her to perform a sexual act she is not willing to partake and even if you would never actually push her she could perceive it to be that is what you are doing. Not only would it make her uncomfortable but also it could ruin any chance of ever trying it with her.
Has she told you why she doesn't want to try it? Have you discussed the possibility of her partaking in pleasuring you anally? Or maybe it would be a good idea for you to explore it yourself. If you try it and enjoy it she may decide she wants to get involved or even try it on herself.
Practically the important thing is to be relaxed and use plenty of lube. Start small and work your way up. An anal douche is good for hygiene and cleanliness. If she is nervous about seeing/feeling/smelling something "nasty" then it would be good to discuss douching with her.
Either way I hope you both enjoy exploring new pleasures.
If she has any interest in trying anal stimulation on her a small butt plug could be a great first step. I didn't want my partner near my bottom because 1. he is well endowed and I knew I was too tense to take something that size comfortably no matter how much lube was used and 2. I was very worried about having an 'accident', I would have been mortified had I left a mess on him. Starting with his fingers and working up wasn't an option as I didn't want any part of him near there (I know that sounds cruel, poor guy haha). How we got past this was with a small plug, I liked that it was no larger than my finger and that I could insert it myself to ensure no pain. I also liked that I could run away to the bathroom to remove it myself as well, so if there was any mess my partner wouldn't see (there wasn't because I carefully timed anal play around bowel movements). I was a lot more comfortable with an easilly sterilized silicone plug than a finger or a penis and it helped me get used to the sensation of something being in there, I'm still more comfortable with a toy being in there than my partner in all honesty but it definitely helped me gain confidence and relax with regards to anal play (it was this one I think: https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21767 although there have been many new plugs made since then including adorable gem stone ones and such so shop around!). My partner also started off with a small plug when we started anal play on him because he was afraid anything larger would hurt and it helped him gain confidence too, so it's definitely an option I'd reccomend exploring if she is up for it.
Alternatively, if your partner has zero interest exploring anal in any degree, have you considered getting a male masturbator with an anal opening/a tight internal passage? Your partner could still be involved in using this with you or you could indulge in a little solo play. It's a compromise worth considering if anal is an outright no for her :)
I'd give it a go talking over both options and see if either spark any interest. She may well have her own idea how she'd like to try it, if she would, or at least more insight into why she wouldn't. Good luck!
I don't think you can make someone do something they aren't happy with. Maybe broach the subject of a small butt plug and go from there? For some women (and men) anal is a complete no go, but boundaries need to be respected.
There's soft limits, like things you might be willing to try in the right situation or maybe in the future and hard limits, things you definitely don't ever want to do or have done to you. Perhaps the things your wife has tried and liked were soft limits and anal is a hard limit, in no circumstances thing.
As others have said the only way you will know is discuss with her in a non judgemental, no pressure attitude and setting.
Yep... I used to point blank refuse as we tried once and oh my Jesus it hurt... Hubby is very well endowed. Recently chatting to a bestie she was saying how amazing anal play and sex was for her so got some advice and we are loving anal play.... Not sex yet I've still got work to do to be ready for him.
Communication is always the way we talk about everything before we try to make sure we're both happy and not doing anything that makes us uncomfortable ❤
This threads perfect with responses I guess all I can add is for a first time do not do the whole bend over doggy style position for your first anal session as it actually hurts a lot of women in that position due to how the penis is a positioned a vagina and anal passage are set out so different space and shape wise . I would recommend missionary position or having girl sat on top I control maybe evelaid on your chest so its more comfortable n easy to position right etc. Good luck. Always use a good lube! :) :)
We've been in your position and after many years, we've pushed our boundaries anally speaking. We've managed full anal a couple of times, the second time Mrs TJ did seem to enjoy it.
However, attempts since then have been less successful and we've decided it's time to put that part of our play on the back burner. My fault I think, I failed to heed the classic advice of "slowly". Too keen and over-excited.
We may go back to it one day, but it's definitely not for everyone. You don't know til you try, but be prepared to fail.
There's an old saying that goes "most women have anal sex twice, once to find out what it's like and once to find out if it's really that bad".
seriously, a few actually really love it, most hate it. No means no. Just accept it.
inthink men enjoy anal sex (passive) more than women.
I was with my wife for over 10 years before we had anal, she never liked speaking about it and still doesn't. That doesn't mean she doesn't want it and does take a lot of pleasure from it.
For us it started with fingering during sex and most of the time that is as far as it goes, it really intensifies her orgasims.
We do ogaisionally have anal sex but a more usual situation is for her to wear a butt plug during sex. It gets her off as there isn't anything too big in there and I enjoy the feeling of tightness it creates during viginal sex.
Your situation sounds similar to mine, she is never going to ask for it but might enjoy it once you start exploring. I'd try teasing her anus externally during sex first and see how it goes, if it goes well after a while try a finger...she might hate it and tell you to stop but she might really get into it.
Mrs Sen was anti anal for years. We had done it twice, once we were both blind drunk and I don't recall how I ended up in there, genuine case of oops, wrong hole, the second time was similar although she purposely initiated it knowing I wanted to. Both those were years ago and since then nothing in that area until recently.
It started off (again after wine, although not so much this time) with some gentle rubbing around her anus during sex, this gave her really strong orgasms, stronger than normal. We talked about it (and other things) afterwards, external was ok but she was still shy about internal.
Next full session and a small plastic vibe penetrated her just a bit during other play, again, intense orgasms.
We now have a small range of anal products and are still learning what works well and when, it's not every time, but she is ok about liking anal play now.
Its probably still a way off for full on anal sex, but no rush. As she finds her likes and confidence, each anal play session just gets better.
As above, if it's a hard limit, then that's the end of that. If it's a soft limit, then keep exploring but don't pressure her.
One thing that took pressure off her was me opening up about being open to it on me. She won't put a toy in me yet, she tried but is scared of hurting me. No rush
Lucy Beresford the broadcaster on LBC last night was talking about this, her all things sex program at 8-10 pm each Saturday is brilliant and there's bound to be a catch-up/podcast of the show.
Been together 20+ years, only this last 6 months has my wife become far more relaxed with anal, she'll fist me without issue, but its taken a long time for her to come round, no pushing just she tried recently and found it was OK and did not hurt, we've found( had more in the last few weeks than ever ) she enjoys it better/easier/more relaxing lying face down, if that helps.