Wife keeps say “It does nothing for me “!

I get turned on visually, so really love it when my wife dresses up for me.
However, she keeps telling me that she’s happy to dress up, but it nothing for her!
Which doesn’t make me feel great !
But conversely, I know she gets turned on watching me get off on how amazing she looks, and I do constantly tell how beautiful and amazing she looks, and how it turns me on.
I would certainly dress up for her if it turned her on, as I would get off on how it’s making her feel.
Just don’t know where to go from here ?


Maybe show her some lingerie that you would be comfortable wearing and gage her reaction. I do this with my OH to see what kind of lingerie he would like me to buy.
Also my OH had little interest in me dressing up for him until I did one day. He never had a partner who wanted to put in effort for him. Perhaps your partner is the same she hasn’t thought about it because she has never experienced it. I’ve only recently learned that male lingerie exists.

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Mmmmmm thank you, I don’t think she’d appreciate me wearing lingerie!
But I’m grateful for your input x

Personally I get turned on a lot when I dress up especially when wearing very sexy lingerie .

I feel it’s a multitude of thoughts that go through my head - knowing it will have a turn on to my husband and knowing I will get sex - but it also makes me feel good.

I often wear sexy lingerie ( stockings and suspenders as well as others) even when I know my husband is not going to see them as it makes me feel good


Hi thank you, I think it comes down to inclination and mind set.
I’d happily dress up in whatever, if turned my wife on, but honestly I she has absolutely no imagination!!
We’ve been in London before, and wished she’d be wearing nothing but sexy lingerie under her long coat to wander around the shops and in a bar in the evening.
Then reveal herself at her chosen moment!
I can’t suggest such things, as I’ll Get accused of imposing what I want or of being a male sexist, as women have a choice to decide what they want, which absolutely clearly they do.
And I’m all for strong women who know what they want and want to take it.
But it would just be fun, wouldn’t it !

I was the same, until I saw how much my husband loved it and how heated our sessions got as a result.
Maybe he’s Pavlov’d me but now I know how to get what I want with some well placed lingerie.
Or is it maybe I’ve Pavlov’d him :joy:
Just keep pulling them panties off like a feral and I’m sure she will come round :joy:

Unless she really hates it, but that’s not how I’ve read your post….
Is it that she still does it for you but you feel bad she’s not getting anything from it?
Is she in to anything else? If she likes bondage you can turn the lingerie in to bondage during the session.
Eg. Pull panties off with your teeth and use them to tie wrists together, as an example, but you can get creative.

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I’m failing to see what the problem is.
Your wife is doing something for you because you enjoy it. The act itself doesn’t turn her on, but she enjoys the reaction and gets off on that. It doesn’t make her uncomfortable or awkward. She is doing it for you because you enjoy it, thats what people do for people they love. Why are you making this an issue?


I can relate to you on this one.
I tell my wife how hot she looks when dressed up but she doesn’t feel sexy very often. It doesn’t help that she can’t get a piece of lingerie that fits 100%, and I know this is a factor as she feels uncomfortable with how she looks in it, regardless of what I say.
I would love to repay the favour and dress up for her, but this is something I have mentioned on here before- male stuff is either wearing lacy thongs or dressing up as a fireman etc.
There is a massive gap for sexy / masculine dress up lingerie.
Sexy boxers consist of red satin or comedy pouches.

So repaying the favour is not really an option for us, but I just keep going with compliments to my wife whenever she does it. Yes, I may nag her too much to do it, but it’s amazing when she does.

I think it must come down to confidence!
I buy all the sex toys, outfits etc.
I would love to choose the toys/ clothing together, but again as she explains, it’s easier if I do it.
We have some great stuff, from sexy high leg thong swimsuits to wear in the hot tub, to full latex catsuit, thigh boots, waist clincher, to open boob bondage harnesses to really sexy romantic lingerie.
The metal butt plugs, anal hooks, flioggers, whips, chains, leather cuffs, double dildos, nipple and clit rings, large cock sleeves, etc strewn across the floor the morning after is magnificent!
By the adoration I receive whilst engaged in such activities and the following morning; and by her absolute participation at the time, it’s as if she’s Dr Jackyl and Mr Hyde.
I also set the scene with candles, roaring fire, champagne, music etc……

JoCat, it when she’s says “I’m happy to wear that, but it does nothing for me”!
Is she not telling the truth, as clearly it does do something for her, otherwise she wouldn’t be able to engage.
Or is a subliminal message, saying I don’t want to do this. But I will become you like. It. Which is a massive turn off for me).
Or does she just reserve her right to Change her mind as to what she likes, without telling me, which leaves me playing a permanent guessing game ???

Or dressing up does nothing for her but having sex with you does. It isn’t that it turns her off, but she could take or leave the lingerie


Have you tried asking her these questions? I hated lingerie for a ling time because I bought what was generically sexy, rather than what I felt sexy in. You have all these outfits that you love her in, but maybe the outfits don’t do it for her but like you said she loves everything else that you do together. She might never love lingerie, she might feel sexier in a dress, but she wears the lingerie for you. Compromise.
Love you wife for doing it for you, tidy up and wash all the toys when you’re done. I hate being left with the tidying up.

Exactly this but in so many less words than me! :rofl:


I guess for her to find my love language and me to find hers……… it’s a shame they’re not the same !

Dressing up isn’t a love language and people rarely have the same love language. I don’t have the same one as my partner.
Do the love language quiz with her and whatever each others love language is, is ok. Don’t be upset if its different from yours.
You honestly sound ungrateful to me. Your wife doesn’t have to love everything that you do, you just have to recognise that she’s doing this for you.

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I feel your pain Iron Man.
I guess it depends upon what you are asking her to dress up in firstly.
I’ve learnt over time what best suits my wife and still occasionally make a faux pas but now I get it right more often than not - although it’s fair to say she makes little to no effort at all to acquire or wear anything herself which frustrates me too for the reasons you describe.
I’ve learnt not to force anything and go with the flow as I know my wife just does not get the whole visual thing and frankly she can’t be bothered half of the time - although bizarrely she does see and reap the rewards as you say!
I’m guessing the question, if similar to my own, may be a libido connection to clothing which sadly I am yet to answer either.
I have to say I’ve kind of given up worrying about it too much and just make the most of when she does dress up.
Hope you have better luck mate

This is a tricky one because I can see both sides. I understand why you don’t like the idea of her doing something she doesn’t get any pleasure from. I wouldn’t want my oh doing something just for my pleasure, it wouldn’t feel right.

I think you have two options, Carry on as normal and accept she doesn’t get pleasure from it but doesn’t mind doing it to please you or just stop it all together and find things you both get pleasure from.

Me and my partner have complete opposite love languages and we make it work.

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If she’s saying it does nothing for her, then she’s potentially not enjoying any part of it. I know for me, watching someone else get all of the pleasure while I feel uncomfortable may put me off entirely.
You probably haven’t, but don’t try to push her to enjoy it. She needs to tell you what DOES get her going, not just what doesn’t.


Thanks everyone,
My wife does enjoy it when it’s all happening.
She must surely see how much it turns me on?
I guess it’s jury gently easing her in to idea of a night of outfits and toys, essentially after her week of work and running our kids around.
It’s not easy to fit it all in, as to have a busy week too, and as well, have to run the kids around etc etc.
But I personally look forward to “date night” and all that it brings……
As a kind of escape, I just wish my wife would see it this way, rather than a dutyfull chore.

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So true. I have a handfull of “sexy” men’s underwear, but whats out there is very limited. I also find that most sizes start at 30 inch waist on the lowest end, so being quite a slim 28/29 inch waist, I’ve found most sexy underwear aimed at males end up being pretty loose or even baggy. Not the desired tight fit as seen on the models and looks not very flattering. :frowning:

I just try and make up for it by working out and staying toned so I can look as fit as I can for my wife. I definitely feel a lot more body confident and feel sexy recently, and think my wife appreciates it too.

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