What triggered this thread was the strangest reason for not getting fixed I’ve ever heard. Has to do with playing rough with his balls not being the same if they are disconnected.
I think being willing to get fixed ranks right up there with men in a position of power not having any say on abortion rights.
I think many men do not get fixed because they are simply afraid of the procedure. I have two friends who say it is “unnatural “. BS, they are afraid.
If married and the spouse is on board, the husband should not put the onus on his wife and using a condom is a drag. Excluding of course avoiding spreading an STD. There are so many issues with female contraception methods that it is a no brainer for the man to solve the problem.
Of course for single folks it’s a different issue although from experience women are delighted to hear you are fixed, again STDs a different issue.
However the main point of this thread is how to alleviate the reluctance of men to get fixed.
Maybe the facts about the procedure could be revealed in a high school sex-Ed class. In Florida DeSantis would have a shit fit.
I try to spread the word to guys I know regards how simple and painless the procedure is but the audience for the discussion is limited. One fear, the biggest one I had, is whether orgasms will be the same. Not a problem.
For sure telling jokes is not good. Some guys don’t realize it is a joke. When I got fixed I told the joke in the cafeteria about the worst part being when the doc let go of the tube and I spun around the room later guys came to the privacy of my office to ask what it was really like.
The issue of whether one ever wants children is obviously a big one not counting on a reversal working or having sperm frozen.
I know many men who thought not wanting children was squared away with their to be wife only to learn later she would try to change your mind. This to me is very not nice, made really bad if you get fixed and they resent you for it forever. Happened to me. On the other hand it’s really bad if a guy won’t get fixed because he knows he wants a divorce (but wife has no clue) and is thinking about kids with a future woman.
Obviously left out things like religious reasons but for you guys that have never had sex without a rubber, the world awaits you. And your partner will be forever grateful.
I decided to get my tube tied after my 2nd child because I knew I didn’t want any more. And i had been on the pill, the depro pravera shot every 3 months, i was in my 20s when I got this done because I think I watched my parents really struggle being able to care for their 5 children well. And we were spread over 20 years. I wasn’t going to let that happen to me.
The side effects of all the different contraceptives made me say no more. I’m glad I made that decision. We hated using condoms and we’re completely monogamous. Been together for 30 years.
It’s not the sole responsibility of one partner or the other and for many men, myself included, there was no reluctance. I’m not sure where you found particular statistic or if that’s just your view?
The majority of men over about 50 that I know have had a vasectomy (as it’s better known).
Like every other major decisions in life, it should be made jointly after a long and grown up conversation and based on circumstances, personal choice, health and professional advice.
I had ‘The Snip’ - UK phrase? when I was ~50 with 3x teenage boys and NO desire to have any more little ones. My brother on the other hand got his new girlfriend pregnant when he was 57 - and now has a 4 year old daughter. #Lifechanging
I don’t anticipate me or my unfixed partners getting fixed. I tried getting pregnant back when I still wanted to be a girl. Didn’t work, and doctors told me I’d have to have some serious medications to make it happen. So, no accidents here.
My GF got her tubes removed last year. She had five kids across four pregnancies, and the last pregnancy ended up with her having a heart attack 2 days after childbirth. She had intended to get her tubes removed after the 3rd pregnancy, but when she went to get it done they found she was already pregnant again. She was VERY ready to get it done after that.
My other partners still (mostly) want kids. And if they don’t at the moment, I function pretty well as birth control. As in, pull out and finish in me instead. My husband doesn’t seem to mind having a ton of kids. He’s got kids with 4 wives now, and we could probably have a TV show
Not sure I appreciate the term ‘fixed’, it implies without the procedure, I’m broken?
And to be fair, I’ve had enough head stuff of thinking I was broken in relation to other aspects of my life. For that reason, I think we need to be a little careful of the language we use.
For me personally, I went in for treatment, but unable to have it done on the NHS as they won’t do it whilst I am awake - I have a neurological condition and gives me leg spasms, and would have to go private in order to have the procedure done.
Your two friends that say it is unnatural, how can they be wrong? If it was a natural process, you wouldn’t need to go into a clinic to have a procedure. That is the same for female equivalent, and yes, I agree the female equivalent is a bigger more complex procedure. But neither are ‘natural’.
In terms of why they won’t get it done, only they know why. It may be fear, yes.
I also agree there should not be on onus put onto the female to go through the process. But I’d also like to think two adults that are married can have a conversation and decide what is right for them both.
I think the tone of your post is unlikely to promote the cause you are trying to achieve, maybe the term ‘getting fixed’ has just hit a nerve with me and then read it in a different light.
The responsibility of contraception has to sit with us all as individuals ultimately. If I do not want children, it is for me to do the right thing to ensure that doesn’t happen. So I’m saving for the procedure privately. At the same time, my OH went ahead and had her procedure done as she doesn’t want kids.
I know I can’t speak for everyone, but as someone who’s had their tubes tied, I prefer the term “fixed”. Having a functional reproductive system has never sat right me and I wanted to remove that ability. As my body reflects how I feel now, it has “fixed” something I had a problem with But each to their own, of course.
I prefer it over “sterilised” anyway as it makes it sound like you’re unclean or something if you don’t have the procedure.
Sorry about the use of fixed. I’m new to this site and also in the US and am noticing it’s best to use clinical words because I see many objections to slang. For instance pussy is a favorite word of mine but some think it’s bad.
I certainly don’t want to defeat my goal of convincing more guys to get a vasectomy.
Regards unnatural, good grief, we get around or “cheat” Mother Nature all the time. Condoms cheat Mother Nature. One of the friends I mentioned is catholic. They use the rythim (sp) method. Is using the calendar to see when to have sex natural? What about pulling out early instead of that final thrust - doesn’t get more unnatural than that. Airplanes cheat Mother Nature, scuba diving cheats Mother Nature. The list goes on.
No, these guys are just plain chicken. If they say they want to make sure they can have kids with another woman, say if their dies early fine.
But to say “oh, it is unnatural” is just BS.
Men when it is appropriate should step up to the plate.
It’s really late here in the US but I just can’t let go of this “unnatural” business go.
Mormons believe there are 3 stages to life. There is one before this one where all souls exist. They encourage women to have a lot of children because they are unlocking souls so they can go through this life and then on to heaven. Mormon women die from trying to have a lot of kids. Wonderful.
What is natural is everyone likes sex. But the result can be too many off spring. Animals populations are in many cases self controlled in many ways. An animal will die from health issues we know how to fix. Is being repaired by a skilled surgeon a natural occurrence? I have 6 stents in my arteries. If nature took its course I’d be dead.
On a lighter note, a doctor says to his patient “Joe, don’t you have so many kids now that it’s a struggle just to feed them.” Joe agrees. The doc says “well maybe you should think about a vasectomy.” Joe agrees.
Sometime later the doc finds out Joe’s wife is pregnant again.
The doc tells Joe “do remember our talk?”
Joes says “yeah, but you know on that final thrust I could feed the whole world!”
Don’t worry about which words you use, different words have different meanings to different people. I tend to stick to the “proper” words for my own body because I feel more comfortable with it but I’m not offended by other terms, I just hate using them myself. For me this is for several reasons - most importantly at the moment is that I’m questioning my gender and find talking about my body difficult, clinical terms are easier for me. Secondly, the term “pussy” was used a lot in my past by an abusive and manipulative person in my life who caused me a great deal of mental issues and has been used as a derogatory term towards me (and probably other females) when I was at uni - when we went clubbing it was used to make us feel uncomfortable by male students. Anyway, everyone has preferred terms so use whatever you feel comfortable with
Going back to the actual purpose of this thread… I really think that this is a very personal decision and everyone should be respected for their decision. I’m not going to lie, I hate being on hormonal contraception and if my OH had a vasectomy then it would make my life easier but I’m never going to ask or even suggest it to him. I know he’s like me - terrified of doctors and medical procedures and I know that I wouldn’t want to do it myself (if I was in his position). I don’t think anyone should be judged for being scared, for some people it’s an easy procedure that has good long term perks but for others it’s scary and the fear is not something they cannot justify when weighing up the pros and cons and that’s something we should respect.
Why are you so worked up about people’s reasoning? No means no. It doesn’t matter why. If someone has a reason, it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else. If their partner understands, that’s great, but everyone deserves bodily autonomy.
Most beliefs do have limits of what is acceptable, what isn’t ideal but the best option and what is unacceptable. So comparing a vasectomy to air travel is never going to be a good argument.
If things like the pulling out are unnatural, then so is having sex for anything other than procreation. And if you disagree with that, how are you any different from those saying vasectomies are unnatural because you are picking and choosing what is and isn’t natural.
Further to my previous above, I agree with all those who have rightly said it’s a very personal decision and one that must be made in consultation with your partner.
You might not fully agree on the outcome, that’s natural and human but if circumstances demand action then you need to find some common ground and an acceptable solution.
Be mindful though that if it’s the female partner that is adamant that she doesn’t want any more children and god forbid the relationship breaks down or she finds herself alone for whatever reason and she hasn’t had the procedure, she may find herself in exactly the same predicament somewhere down the line with a new partner.
That’s not reason in itself for sterilisation. Nobody in a loving relationship should really be thinking that way but we all know life has its twists and turns and I know people who have been in this very position so it can happen.
Being sterilised, whether male or female can also be a strong influencing factor for future partners either way.
Wow, I sure must have muddled my words for these reactions.
I certainly acknowledge there are many considerations in making the decision for a guy to get a vasectomy. But, if it makes sense then it would be nice if guys at least are aware of the process.
A reluctance out of fear is understandable. Both fear of the actual procedure and will orgasms be the same. True, there is a minor chance the procedure can result in complications but this is true for other medical interventions one might need.
I hate going to the dentist and would get a vasectomy every year if it meant never going to the dentist again.
I can also understand guys who won’t even learn about it. I think it would be helpful for guys to have a good urologist and talk to buddies who’ve had it done. But, not a lot can be done if a guy won’t even learn. One maybe not so strange worry is you won’t have the same baby batter volume. A quick web search will reveal that the percentage of cum volume that is sperm is very low.
I doubt mandatory school sex Ed inclusion of contraception would go over in many places. STDs more possible.
So, my main point is that IF it is appropriate, all things considered, men should do their part.
The procreation aspect is the conundrum. We’re wired for sex to feel good so we’ll do it a lot. Procreation is the whole reason. But we figured out how to cheat the deal so we can have the pleasure without more undesired children.
My unnatural point is that sure, getting a vasectomy is “unnatural”, but so are the other methods of contraception. We all know how well abstinence works. If you might want the scoop on it just ask your local priest, if you can find one who isn’t a pedofile.
Women already got the raw end of deal on nether region plumbing. Problems and inconveniences, ie periods, opposed to men who at least until prostate and ED issues only have to put up with getting their Johnson caught in their zipper, and this only happens once. Plus, they get to pee standing up.
Lots of theads on this forum involve improved communication and this is exactly my point on fearful men at least learning. They may still be too afraid but should at least admit that rather than cook up phony excuses.
I thought I was being an advocate for women here but apparently not.
Yep, absolutely, I think in your position I’d prefer the term fixed to sterilized, and of course appropriate. I maybe should have worded my reply a little better, and have no issues people using it in general, I’d just take objection to people using it towards me
All I would say is with lines like the following, maybe women would find it less comfortable that you’re advocating them - to use this as further reasoning for your ‘natural’ or ‘unnatural’ comments is a little bizarre. I certainly wouldn’t advise a venture into politics or campaigning any time soon!
I am not disagreeing with your initial point (which I think is aimed at all being equal, in a married relationship a vasectomy is in most cases the better option than sterilization). I think most married/long term couples can discuss and agree on what’s best for them. Outside of that, it is surely each individuals responsibility to manage their contraceptive methods accordingly alongside the person they are sleeping with.
How you’re putting it across, with generalizations, assumptions and randomness, is where you’re falling short, and in places, simply offensive.
You’re right I could never be a politician. I also let other positions on things interfere with the topic at hand. And I’m not great choosing the best words or arguments. As an English teacher my Dad would roll over in his grave.
At the last company I worked for we insisted on face to face meetings for important Decision making because of the inherent disadvantages of using emails. Face to face you can instantly see a wrong word was used or the reasoning isn’t working.
I thought part of this advocated for women but apparently not so much.
I’ve always been an advocate for women most notably in the workplace where as a manager I had the power to enforce equal opportunity and reward deserving women. But here I go again - I’m also a supporter of abortion rights.
Women have always provided me with a good check on my over the top or inappropriate interactions. And good advice. Currently on another post a number of ladies are giving me good advice.
On some issues I have a hard time ignoring them. I’m a die hard atheist so hate what I consider bad aspects of organized religion. But there again I shouldn’t even say I’m an atheist because we are a minority and should just shut up about it. I probably just tuned out 90% of the readers. On the other hand atheists get real tired of keeping in the background with so many believers wearing their religion on their sleeves - cross necklaces, Jesus bumper stickers, etc.
Child abuse is terrible. Pedofiles should be drawn and quartered - believe you British are familiar with that. At least here released sex offenders residence locations are made known. Not the exact address but the neighborhood.
Personal experiences often weigh too heavily on viewing something rationally. In my case we have a family member who will not get a vasectomy (another unnatural subscriber), won’t get covid vaccinated, wouldn’t even get his male dog fixed, again unnatural. The dog was a giant mastiff. Couldn’t possibly take to an off leash dog park. No intention to breed him.
I think my unnatural reasoning makes sense but if it doesn’t I’ll just give up on that. All this didn’t go as I hoped but thanks for participating.
We’ve allways called it the “snip” for a vasectomy and I considered it in my late 20s early thirty’s but was refused by the doctor as I had two kids if the same sex and may still want to try for the opposite at some point!
I’m still wanting to do it now but it’s allways been one of those things we haven’t got round too.
I know loads of people that have had it done and recomend it, and I’m not too concerned about having it done ……… I think . I think my main concern would be not being able to be ‘active’ for a while after.
It’s not the only way to partake in birth control but it’s a lot easier for the male to have invasive surgery than the female. A lot is reversible now if it does turn out to be the wrong idea but I do strongly believe that it shouldn’t just be down to the woman to pop a pill every day or have implants …… implanted! Why shouldn’t the guy take some responsibility too when it’s as easy as what it is!
But each to their own, of course.
. I think my main concern would be not being able to be ‘active’ for a while after.