Wondering if my OH was serious about her threesome proposals

So the wife and I were hanging out at home, having a few drinks and watching How to Make Sex Room the other day, and the episode with the poly family was on. She was more tipsy than usual and got to talking about how, if she didn’t have me, she could see herself living in that sort of arrangement. This was not surprising to me, as before we got together she was a bit of a free spirit in that regard and has said that she never saw her self as being committed to anyone until we met.

I don’t remember how we got onto the next topic, but it involved sex with others. She said that she thought it would be hot to see me with another woman and to see me do what I do to her on another woman. I told her I was surprised by this, because in the past she has said she’d be really jealous but she said she knows that I’d ultimately always pick her because she’s my favorite and my wife, which is absolutely true.

So then I said that I maybe felt likewise with her being with another woman, especially given that my wife is bi-sexual and has had experiences with women before. She then said she’d not be ok with me being with a man, to which I replied that I have zero interest in men, and that I would probably be too jealous to see her with another man. She said she has no interest in other men, which matches up with what she’s said in the past as well.

So we talked a bit more about the, I guess, boundaries of playing with another woman; I said I wouldn’t be comfortable if she went off on her own and would prefer to be there just observing and not joining in. In the end it sounded like she thought it might be fun if it was a woman we were both attracted to so that we could all have fun together. She has been in at least one threesome before, so it wouldn’t exactly be breaking new ground for her, although I’ve never done it.

Anyway, she was so sauced that the very next day she said she’s going to take a long break from all alcohol, so who knows if she even really meant any of what she said or was just drunk and horny (we ended up having sex not long after this convo).

I’m really not looking or interested in anyone else, but it is also very intriguing to have that sort of situation in mind as sort of a back pocket/rainy day thing, I guess? In the past I used to be a very jealous guy, but my wife and I have been together for so long and our relationship is so strong, that maybe this would be something fun and interesting to try with the right woman? I’ve written here that one fantasy I have is her and I seducing another woman together, but I also know that sometimes fantasies are better left as just that.

I guess maybe time will tell, but as I have no one else to talk to about these things I figured I’d throw this out to my LH forum friends for their two cents :wink:

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I would ask her. Because if she said it she obviously was thinking about it. Maybe it was just drunk talk but maybe there’s something more there. If you say she had an adventurous side before you that part of her would still exist. But she committed to you and your relationship. If you talk and communicate maybe you could experiment with threesomes but whatever happens it’s the communication that’s key. If you’re keen on it definitely bring it up again, who knows maybe she really is into it. She did say that she’d like it.

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Honestly if she was drunk, I’d leave it. People say stupid shit when out of their minds with intoxicants. May be something in the back of her mind because she brought it up. However I know myself and would really resent something I said drunk manifest in my actual day to day life. I think I would become resentful and this would take us down a different path that I wouldn’t want to explore. Maybe down the line you both can have a conversation if you’re both sober :grin:

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You said she was more tipsy than usual and then said she was so sauced. Maybe the sauce developed through the evening, but she said she was going to take a break from alcohol. That to me would say that it was a mistake and she regrets it.
If she brings it up again, then I’d approach it sober.

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I think it is something to be discussed when you are both cold stone sober. Then discussed again and again before you proceed, its one thing talking about it but another carrying it through.

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Sounds like a dream come true to me ha ha. I guess it will just happen when it happens. Try not to force the situation and keep talking to the OH. Good luck :slight_smile:

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I’d be tempted to just have that convo of do you remember us talking about a 3some, just wanted to check it was drunken talk or something you bought up because you missed your ‘free spirit’ side.

Just because she got very drunk and says will stay off the juice for a while doesn’t really mean anything in terms of what was said. Of course, she may just say oh no it was the drink talking, the show made me curious and I was saying what came into head without thought. Or she might say maybe. Can’t see there being anything wrong with asking the question casually without it being a ‘that thing you mentioned, I really want to do it, lets find someone’…

Case of either waiting for the right moment presenting itself to ask, or sitting back and forever wondering.

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Perhaps bring the topic up again and ask her now she’s sober to see if it was just horny or an actual desire :nerd_face:

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Really great points from everyone, thank you. I think where I’m at is that I’m not even sure I want to bring it up because I’m not even sure it’s something I want to do right now. If it is something that she is really, truly interested in, then I’d entertain the idea much more seriously, but if not, then I’m happy with the way things are right now. By her own accounts she is happy and satisfied as well, but perhaps our more recent forays into more kinky territory is bringing this to the surface as well?

As far as her giving up the drink for a spell, it’s more to do with her overindulging on the regular and the massive hangover she had this most recent time. There is family history so I appreciate her being cautious and wanting to take a break.

The only reasons why I haven’t also just completely dismissed what she said is it feels like there have been little hints here and there. Earlier in the week she had mentioned something about some couples needing to open up their marriage in order to make them work better (she then said we weren’t a case of that). And there was another time a month or two ago where, while drunk, I swore she said apologized for “cumming with someone else in front of me” when it was me who was making her cum :rofl:. I ended up asking her about it and she had zero recollection of it, so we chalked it up to her being drunk. But, alcohol does lower inhibitions so if this is yet another time of her being drunk and maybe feeling less inhibited to talk about or fantasize about multiple partners, then maybe there is something to it?

Bottom line is, I just want my wife and I to be happy. And I know I won’t get any real answers through speculation, but I think the advice I’m looking for is whether to talk about it or drop it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? In some ways I guess it feels like a game of chicken, where people are maybe nervous to bring up a sexual kink or desire for fear of shame or upsetting their partner? So maybe there are little hints here and there but it ultimately takes someone getting the courage to just lay it out there or they bury it completely.

I guess a sober chat in much the same way as last time is probably in order, where it’s more about exploration and understanding than anything accusatory. The only thing is I worry my wife might get the wrong idea that I’m pushing for it, but we do have a solid relationship, so maybe I’m just overthinking things.

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I think maybe there’s a little bit of nerves around what if she said she does really want to, and you then might feel awkward if it’s not for you?

Personally I’d go with the upfront and honest approach, but that is just me. If it is something she is harboring thoughts around, it is better to get it out there and at least talk about it.
Sweeping it away might be more comfortable for the now, but might become more of a thing further down the line perhaps.

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I wondered if there’s other intermediate ways of enjoying this playful and naughty side without going as far as planning a threesome just yet. Maybe some dirty talk/role play in the bedroom involving this fantasy or watching some hot threesome porn which appeals to you both.

I reckon there’s a lot of fun to be had with this even if neither of you are quite ready at the moment to invite someone else into your bedroom.

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Ask her about what she said. A sober discussion about it and that she has brought it up more than once might be grounds for a chat. Make sure that you make it about her decision and that you are interested to talk about it.
Note that she may get super defensive as if she thinks you are upset. Or on the other hand, she may be embarrassed and not want to talk about it especially if you are too anxious.
A good idea would be to let her talk and listen closely with an open mind. Also, I would have a list of women ready in your mind (if you are like me you have the list and the outfits picked out!) or ask her how she would like to proceed with a neutral woman as opposed to a friend as that could be awkward going forward.
Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. It was her question and worth some investigation I think. Just tread cautiously… Good Luck

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I disagree with having a list of women ready. Let her choose the lady, if she asks your opinion then ask if she has someone in mind when she thinks of it. You might have already pictured the full experience with multiple women but until you know she openly and soberly (if thats a word) wants this, I wouldn’t be telling her who you want to have sex with.

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@JoCat @valbowski77 honestly, I think part of my hesitation is that I don’t/can’t really think of anyone else that I’d WANT to have sex with. It’s just not on my radar and I don’t get out much these days either. I’ve also often heard that you do not want to get a friend or mutual acquaintance involved (especially if new to this kind of thing) so I think that’s just a whole extra layer of being uncertain about the whole thing.

@Alurkingnewbie I like your suggestion, and when the time is right that I ask her about this while we are both sober, I think this would be what I bring to the convo, i.e., “It seems like you might have an interest in this scenario, is there a way we can try to act it out together, at home?”

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So an update: had a sober talk with the wife, and she is unequivocally uninterested in introducing anyone else into our relationship. I’m honestly relieved, as I don’t think the complications that it would bring into our lives would be manageable, nor do I have any personal interest in it at this time.

We also talked further about our sex life and I learned something new about things she went through in the past with other partners that were not so pleasant, so I then told her to put something on that “made her feel like a goddess, so I can worship you” and when she came out of the bathroom after getting changed I was blindfolded, in my underwear, and with my hands cuffed behind my back. I told her I was her slave and to have me do whatever she wanted and we had some of the BEST sex we’ve ever had. She’s normally more submissive so it was a huge turn-on for us to reverse things and I like to think maybe it was a bit healing for her to be in that position. Things were so good that we went for round two not long after, which I wasn’t able to finish but my wife was more than satisfied by that point, which makes me happy.

Thanks for all the advice, folks. I guess the moral of the story is the same as usual: open, honest communication usually leads to better sex and a deeper connection with your partner.

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Great update and result. Communication wins again!

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A little late to the party, just wanted to say awesome update, glad all went well.