married for 32 years husband got back problems ,he dosnt like kissing when used kiss wipe his mouth,get cuddle for a split second quick peck , BUT THE DOGS 2 STAFFS AND JACK RUSSEL sit on his knee cuddles and kissing them AND PLAYS PULLING WITH HIS FRIZBIE AND PULLERS.WITH THE STAFF ,love them dearly but jealous i guess, im upset and frustrated at him ,started out sex was great then once blue moon,now nothing at all.i have starting wearing skirts ,nice bras ,AM I BEING selfiesh for wanting sex if really bad back , HAVE TOLD HIM IN THE PAST BUT FOR BIT SEEMS FORCE HIM TO DO IT .
As a guy I can only give a view from a guy’s mind. Sounds to me that he is withholding his honesty to spare your feelings. This is something a lot of guys do(trust me). Their has to be a valid reason behind his actions but unless he opens up to you I’m affraid that things will probably just stay the same.
I too have issues when it comes to our sex life and am to affraid to speak my mind and let her know what I desire due to the fear of pushing her further away.
I am no sex or relationship expert and my opinion on the matter only comes from my own frame of mind. But I feel you needed an insight on how a mans mind works in such situations.
He might be feeling just as frustrated as you are but unsure or unwilling to communicate it.
You can’t force someone to do anything, particularly in a sexual setting, but you can invite them to have a conversation where you can both bring up your true thoughts or concerns and see if there’s a solution that works for both parties. If he’s in bad pain, it might be that you need to look at comfortable places and positions for him to have sex or engage in sexual activity.
As for the hugs and kisses, some people just don’t like affection. I know I’m not a huge kissing person and my partner is the opposite so it took some time and a few chats to get to a point where we were both comfortable and happy. Talk to him about how it makes you feel and see if there’s a reason behind it like this one or something else. If he used to be but isn’t anymore, then there’s probably something going on with him that he hasn’t spoken about.
good luck, hope you work it out!
I agree with always on my mind, you really need to talk to him. There are plenty of people who are on this site who are disabled or have severe mobility problems and are all enjoying a healthy sex life.
Would he be prepared for Couples counselling? Maybe be worth speaking to him about it. Explain you love him but are feeling so distant you want to get help before you grow further apart?
My thinking here is that here could be some hidden health issues that are preventing himself form feeling intimate with you. This is were I think you need a chat to see if health issues are getting in the way. If it turns out that thee are health issues then a chat with your GP might just be the tonic.
Otherwise professional counselling maybe the best way forward such as with Relate.
First off, your not selfish or is there anything wrong with wanting sex or having urges to be intimate. Once we lose intimacy we get confused and feelings really start playing with our emotional well-being till we’re comsumed in a dark little world of “what if” “why” “how” type questions.
The first step would be confronting your husband, not in an aggressive or forceful way, but just asking what’s wrong. It could be he has become shy about making the first move or could be on the other side of the fence feeling exactly the same and unsure how to approach the subject. Men in general are quite held back in our emotions, we will express them in certain ways but a lot of people will struggle to say “I miss having sex” even though it’s four words, it seems like it could cause a lot of upset and it could make things awkward or embarrassing. Has anything changed recently? Long hours or stressful life?. He could simply be going through a rough patch or maybe he just needs you to take his hand and talk it through.
I would say it seems strange if he wipes your kisses away and I can tell that must be hard to see and deal with. No one wants their love to be wasted or thrown away so it’s understandable. But communication is key to a happy and healthy love and sex life, so this is always the first stage. If he seems reserved and can not communicate in a way that works for you, then think back to things that have changed. Do you spend much time together anymore? Do you go for date nights etc? Life is super fast paced so even the smallest things can make us forget what we have in a partner.
If your feeling super frustrated then make sure you get yourself a toy or two, and wear your skirts and bras with full confidence. Don’t let this beat your self confidence down no matter how hard that may be. I really hope you can talk and get to the bottom of this, everyone deserves a great and fulfilling sex life. And maybe once the sparks fly again you can experiment and try lots of new things to really get stuff back on track!
All good advice.
i had a similar issue where I wasn’t up for sex till I found my fiancé playing with her toy and it turned me on so much I couldn’t wait to join in. Maybe accidentally get caught having a good time.
You aren't selfish my love. Does he have any social issues that can maybe cause the distance? My husband is autistic and a while ago he started showing no affection towards me. I thought he was having an affair (he had done before and acted that way) but this time it was more self sabotage as he didn't believe he deserved me. It could be a number of things. Best bet is to sit down with him alone, get the dogs in another room, and talk it out. If talking isn't a strong point you could write it down. We done that, we wrote what the issues were and gave it to the other to read. The point got across, there was no interruptions and sometimes it's easier than saying the words.
Good luck x
I have the exact opposite problem . Wife is a chronic pain patient . She has gained weight and battles depression . She has self image issues .I pester her enough to know I am available and love her no matter what . I am retired and am in fair shape for a 60 Y/O . I try and stay somewhat fit take care of 99% of housework , yard , cooking etc. I also do all yard work and maintain all of our cars and motorhome . I am almost as horny as I was at 20 . She feels bad and gave me permission to have fuck buddies . I could never do that . So I have multiple toys and watch a fair share of porn . Our pets also get much attension from her , also grandsons . I suggested that every evening we turnoff all electronics and talk , cuddle and carress . We get so busy , we forget . The nights we did , we both enjoyed it greatly . It is not easy , but I manage to "cum by myself" quite often . Every once in a while I get her to slightly participate and enjoy herself . I have been working on my tan all summer and tell her I am her "cabbana boy" sex toy , whatever she wants . Last evening as I was wishing her goodnight (naked as usual) , she said "Damn , you are one sexy 60 year old !" I have no real suggestions other than gentally mention you would like some quiet time together . This summer my wife suggested I go try out a nudist camp , it was fun . But without her it was not as enjoyable as it could have been . Good luck with figuring something out .
Communication is key. You really need to speak to him.
I'm just gonna come out and say it, I've been the guilty party in something like this before with my EX. We were together a while but the last 6-10 months of the relationship were dead in the bedroom.
This happened because we were both a bit stupid and didn't really talk about it and tried avoiding the subject.
To sum it up, I have a health condition that has me in physical pain most hours of the day, but I get exhausted some days from just walking. - This made sex completely not enjoyable from what we were used to, and it caused a bit of tension.
The tension could have been avoided if we actually talked about the problem, and figured out a way to get back on track.
Talk to him, it won't be a comfortable experience but it's better than letting the resentment build.