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It does seem like you are stuck in a "catch 22" mamz. You're doing well by trying to cut back though so well done for that! My husband is like your OH, basically a sneeze and he is ready for action. I just don't really get turned on. The only way I fo is by actually having sex. It's like I look forward to seeing him but then I can be bothered until we start. A lot is my anxiety too, I still get the feeling of I'm not good enough even though I really am.

My husband enjoyed pre op transgender porn male to female. Its something I can't ever be but we have managed to work through it by looking into strap ons. Its not something I ever thought I would do but willing to try anything at least once.

I read on one of the other threads you were also looking into the strap on route but for other uses?reasons. Are you still looking into it?

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Yes

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Lol I've written two massive novels and been logged out so maybe it was on one of them rosy and Mamz 😙💜xx

Mamz - I see where you're coming from now. Hum that's a tough one. If I remember correctly your boyfriend doesn't show an interest in pegging?

What about using anal toys on him with bondage? Because you've a big fantasy for bondage and now your boyfriend's starting to understand it that's fantastic progress 😄 You could even if it's okay with your boyfriend act out pegging without a toy if you get me. I do this with hubby all the time and he says 'ffs I'd never let you peg me, you'd litterally ruin my life' 🙈

Have you continued with bondage? Imo it will be really beneficial as you enjoy it and the more you do it the more you find your 'style' and 'comfort zone'.

Sorry if this isn't much use hunni, it's a tough one for me. Hope i or somebody else can come along and help you 😙💜xx

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Slinky- The best ones to start with are definitely the beginners ones. There are so many it really can be overwhelming. The one I have now is a nice simple one. It cost me £35 which I thought was a bit steep but I've already started saving money now.


If it's got good reviews then definitely try it. It takes a bit of getting used to, knowing which coils to use for the tank or clearomiser depending on which kind you go for. My husband uses a box one, its not really my cup of tea, I prefer one I can use like a cigar! If you start basic you can always up to more advanced ones if you enjoy it.

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The pegging wouldn't help with that aspect as I wouldn't be getting something physical from it. It's not like I was a men using my actual penis.. argh it's frustrating why can't I do that? I wouldn't want to be abusive towards my bf though, so I wouldn't act those things with him anyway. It is wrong.

We've continued with bondage and did it a few times, but it's mostly me who is being tied up.

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Aren't there individual ecigs too? the size of a cigarette? you can buy those where they sell cigarettes here. If you're planning on quitting smoking it is probably worth investing in a real vaper though

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Aw mamz, I hope someone can help you with it. It really is a tricky one to tackle isn't it?

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Yep it's tricky indeed.

Maybe it's due to my negative vision of sex? Maybe when (if) I finally have a nice and fulsilling sex life I will be turned on by it without any effort and won't feel the need to watch porn ? On the rare occasions we have sex sometimes I feel very turn on the the fews days following (and then end up sexually frustrated)

What do you think?

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Yup it may be a good idea!! Thanks for the suggestion

Now that you made me thought about it, I could also wear a strap on with a bullet vibe in the little pocket intended for that purpose. It would have the same effect. I am saying that because I think the feeling of penetration would give me the feeling I am the one being dominated, while clit stim might give me the impression I have a penis

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I have not, but I'm still feeling the lack of arousal since I have nothing else to turn me on.

I don't remember that idea about writting it down when we have great sex, but it's been a while since I've though "that was great" after we've had sex. The last time was when I asked him about the strap on.

I'm not doing so bad, I am only a little discuraged about this as I feel I am never going to feel arousal again and want sex just as a guy (or say my bf) would do. How is sex even supposed to be great that way?

And I had a bit of a destructive break down yesterday about my lack of productivity and motivation for school/studies. but that's another matter and it has nothing to do with addiction so this thread is not the place to talk about it.

I must admit that I'm glad to see you here though. Maybe I should move to the performance issue before this thread becomes another version of it.

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Alicia4Ever wrote:

But do you feel anything at all internally ? I know I can feel enough when I do what I do, solo. but when I had sex on those occasions with my FWB I could not feel enough to tell if I was in her or not.

It's pretty much the same thing for me.

And for imagining the sensation, I already do that when watching porn (when I did). I don't want to bring that into my sex life also because I wanna be able to have an healthy sex life and this is just being destructive to me. I'll never learn to appreciate female sensations if I developpe an even bigger interest in male ones.

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Mamz - in my last post I said 'if it's okay with your boyfriend'. Breaking boundaries is something that's really bad to me and I've had my boundaries broke. Never would I ever dream of breaking boundaries with hubby. I meant if it's okay with your boyfriend you could try....I felt obligated to make my point clear. I see you've gone to other thread which I totally understand. I'll have a look when I can hunni 😙💜xx


Imh95 - thats absolutley genious. I'm in pure awe of your skills in advice 😙 you're incredibly awesome at it hunni. Thank you for your insights they are so beneficial to me and many 😙

Realised I missed the post. When you're not here its totally not the same but imo you're being very sensible in regards to reality. I'm in the same position with being on my phone all the time and it's taking over 'real life' so badly. Trying really hard to fix it, especially when seeing 3000 posts the other day! 😔 that's without text wattsapp, other forum, reading articles and shopping 😔 so yeah feeling pretty bad with it all. I've been trying harder the last few days and have done better.

Any way, what was intended here is to say, totally understandable that you're putting a limit on time here. Well done its not easy or anywhere near it. Hubby says 'why not just read it', but that's something I can't do I feel obligated to join in if I think I may be able to help. Or I need to get something off my chest.

Wish you my best. Take care and will see you when you post hunni 💜xx


Rosy - that's very helpful. Thank you sooo much lovely 😙 they looked really funky as you pick your colour, tank etc etc, but, also very complicated. I started to build one but couldn't work out how to view the different tanks (it was probably this browser it likes to act out) proper enjoyed choosing the colour and was totally looking forward to playing around building the kit.

This would of been about £35 if memory serves me correct about the exchange rate (was in dollars.) Lol, if I'd saw that price earlier I'd of thought it's expensive but the first page I viewed was insane prices (for our budget.) Saying that, I only smoke £17:50 - £20 worth a week. Me and hubby buy between 3 and 4 half ounces a week so yes it is expensive. Then there's the cartriges which I'm not sure on prices then do I need to change the vape? I've no idea as it's really overwhelming and difficult to understand especially as it's all online I'm looking😳 Lightbulb! I'll phone a shop later if I can find a UK number as my phone's no international call say because well it'll cost a fortune lol.

The reviews were all bad one of two 4 and 5* and in this place they was most popular. Does sound good now youve helped me rationalise it 😃 oh my life that's what is totally messing with my head buying one and me and hubby looking at it clueless 😂 it's all about getting used to it so am sure we'll get there. I'll post after I've rang a shop.

Thanks hunni, really appreciate your expertise on this 😙 stay strong you're doing incredibly well with smoking and food 😙💜xx


Mamz - yeah they do have e-cigs individual but it's about using my hands for another purpose as I make my own roll-ups. And a vape is likely cheaper in the long run. Thanks hunni 😙💜xx


So today has been tough because of various reasons.

I started smoking straight away after a sleepso it was a rough start. I've managed to pull back and have smoked 8 and a bit, which is good as it's usually around 15 I predict (never counted) but know it's a huge reduction. Hubby has done immense and has only had 3! I'm so proud of him. I think he'll do it easily with no tools as he's never been too addicted as if we run out he would go without where's I'll taxi to the 24 hour garage of it comes to it 😔

Food has gone relatively well but I'm concerned about becoming obsessive so going to stop as it's already started 😔 I won't allow myself to hog the limelight at a difficult time. So the diets stopping, the fruit is staying but the ice lollys are back. I've ate next to nothing and feel ashamed of myself the last couple of days 😔 positive though - the belly is almost flat already! So obviously it's been the poor diet and lack of exercise. Oh they'll be staying too but moderately 😄

Online - better than normal, but not good enough. I'll take it as a win as there's an improvement 😄

Overall pretty damn good now I see it in black and white. And reckon I can do this 😄

Keep up the good work folks. Anybody struggling had the upmost sympathy it's not easy at all. Love to all 😙💜xx

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E cigs are generally a con :P My dad actually got in to making his own e liquid, then started selling it cheaper than the shops at a higher quality, so I'd reccomend making the liquid yourself if you're going that route.

My own personal addiction is something I've been struggling with for years, porn isn't really the problem for me as much as masturbating is,I've tried countless times and methods over the years but nothing has worked, though over said years I've been fighting a constant war with my mental health, so addiction seemed the least of my problems.

About five days ago now though I gave it up, grabbed a book of A4 paper and started putting together a plan to change my life over a year period, mostly it revolves around my plans to transition, eat healthier and cycling the world (or well, the less transphobic parts of the world ![](upload://5BDs2y1gm13l2R58ovmAMxyNM3f.gif) ) with my friend.

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An absolute pleasure imh95 😙

Oh this is the thing, they still have nicotine 😒 a reason I'm unsure about them because I'll still have the 'nicotine addiction' 😒 but it's got to be better than ciggetettes right?

That's what I'm like, have to keep the hands moving. Think it's something to do with the distraction /obsessions i get. Like most stuff completely bores me, things that others enjoy. But when I enjoy something I totally emerse myself into it. The thing is my hands always need to be active? It's an odd one, probably one for the drs lol 💜xx

Raven - that's super interesting about your dad making the e-cigs. They're definitely too expensive but it's always the way with 'popular' things, their prices are always high.

Well done on the masturbation quitting. I love your plan, writing down your life plan its genious. Well done hunni you're doing incredibly well 😙💜xx

Today's been meh on a whole however the smoking has stayed low at just 4! Very happy with that 😄

Online - not so good 😔

Food - it's been good, haven't eaten much but my tummy is back and I'm not happy with that. It's upsetting and gets me down 😔

Final thought - the cigarettes are going great so there's big positives here 😃💜xx

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So I'm doing really well with smoking down to 3 or 4 per day. Right now the taste isn't doing it for me anymore. After dinner just now I looked at the tobacco and thought naw it'd be pointless because I've no need to do it. That's brilliant progress as after food it's usually the first thing I do! Well nomore.

Hopefully I'll be a none-smoker in a couple of months 👍

Food - so I decided to continue trying to get things on-track. It's going quite well - junk foods been replaced with fruit which is very enjoyable. Also noticing how much better foods tasting. Hubby is saying the same so it's beneficial to our tastebuds too.

Positive vibes to everybody who's ever had an addiction 😙💜xx

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You are doing so well Slinky!! Good job, I'm very impressed by you :)

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Aww thanks lovely 😙 you bring many smiles to me hunni. Your figures a big inspiration on the weightloss 👍 but it doesn't suit me so small, I already get ridiculous comments "oh my life you're sooo skinny" which I'm not. Tall yes, i dont like the word'skinny' prefer slim so slim not really.

Yes I'll have to keep up the good work or it'll not just be myself I'm letting down. I'm all honesty the way I feel right now is, there's no going back only forward. Sounds a bit arrogant but I'm pretty confident I'll succeed. And such a great point 'what better motivation then pregnancy', I think it's the greatest motivator of all 😄💜xx

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I'm also sure you will succeed :) You seem very determined and have such a positive outlook on life! I'm sure you can get through anything with a little help and support from your hubby :)

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You are doing so well Slinky 😊 most the battle is won when your willpower is strong. Remember it's the cigarettes you don't have that count rather than the ones you do! I'm cheering you on from the sidelines - go Slinky 😄😜👍🏻

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Thank you Sxlecsaker and Lil Red kinky boots for your kind, encouraging an motivational words 😙

So I've taken a massive step back, I've been smoking 5 or 6 per day for the past week 😞 it's no excuse butcive been having a real tough time. Anxieties through the roof with hubbys treatment, then there's my cousins overdoses, and our friend passing away yesterday 😭

So I'll give it a week or so then try again to quit 👍