I’m not sure what to do anymore. I’m 22 and still a virgin (woman) I was feeling put out about being behind my peers sexually.
I originally bought a Love honey rose toy through urban outfitters. I felt it a bit occasionally, my legs would twitch and I felt a bit sensitive, but it did not get me off at all.
I then decided to go to the love honey website directly to see what I could get. I ended up getting a womaniser original? The one that has the 100% orgasm rate badge. Again, small reaction, but it’s not doing anything for me.
For free on my order I got a G spot warming rabbit vibrator I also bought lube so I tried this. I could not fit it inside of me at all it was painful and there was resistance. So I went back to the clit vibrator for a bit and then tried again with more lube and I still couldn’t do it. I then read a forum article of someone having a similar issue to me and the advice underneath was that that might be too much for a virgin.
I’m not even entirely sure where my clit is. I’ve looked at diagrams looked at pictures I put the toys in that area and I just don’t get anything. If I try playing around with my fingers first, I feel nothing. I’ve tried watching stuff. I tried listening to things. I’ve tried different positions and lighting. I use my imagination and I’m just out of ideas.
I just can’t keep throwing money at this problem and hoping that it will solve it.
If you’re struggling to fit a vibrator in perhaps you could try taking things slow and exploring other kinds of sensations and pleasures that don’t require penetration, there’s no need to rush or force anything that you’re not ready for. Find something that makes you feel good, even if it’s something small like listening to sexy music or massaging oils into your skin.
Also, exploring your body in a non-sexual way to begin with might be helpful; like using a mirror to try and locate your clit. Please don’t feel behind your peers or anything, everyone blossoms at their own pace and forcing it won’t help in the long run, take the time to know your body and find out what it likes. That being said if you’re really worried about it and it’s bothering you it might be good to talk to a sexual health doctor
Never benchmark yourself against others, you are an individual. Also remember that half of what people tell in terms of their sex lives is exaggerated.
Clitoral suction can be bit and miss for me too, and rabbit vibrators? Well, you can read that story here. I struggle to switch off as well and sometimes the harder I try, the more my fantasies evade me.
If suckers and rabbits aren’t doing it for you, might I suggest you check out wands? Something like this one. Wands deliver a more “rumbly”, deep vibration, which can be just the ticket for some women. Also check out the Ignite range like the Ignite finger vibrator, which I personally love. I hope you find your bliss soon!
I was 22 (M) before I lost my virginity. I was a nerd, introvert, shy.
I would put the toys away until you completely understand your body. There are plenty of sites that will show you where your clit is. Put a mirror down there and understand what your vagina looks like. Spread your lips apart. Pull the top hood back a bit to expose your clit. It is a little knob that sits at the top of your vagina. With stimulation it might get firm like a tiny penis. The head or knob of the clit can be very sensitive. The clit actually extends back into the body. So sites I have looked at indicate that the clit is far larger than previously thought and extend along the outside of your vagina. Use your lube and get to know your parts. Maybe take a nice warm bath or shower 1st. Have you ever got excited where you felt wet down there? If not, you might wish to consult your GP for a checkup.
To provide some clarification, your clitoris is under you clitoral hood. Actually, the clitoris is much bigger than the little nub that is under the clitoral hood. Most of it is internal. When the clitoris glans (head) is not aroused, it can be rather small. It gets bigger when the woman is aroused. A hand mirror can help in finding the clitoris. It can be small enough to where feeling for it may not work. If you want to get more information on the clitoris, you can click on my member avatar to see the link to my non-profit, information only website that has information on the clitoris and other sex knowledge topics. If you go to the website, select the “About the Clitoris” menu item. The “What is the G-Spot?” menu item also has a detailed diagram that has labels for the different parts of the clitoris. Once you become more familiar with your clitoris, the toys will be easier to use.
Sound’s to me you are putting too much pressure on yourself, which only compounds the problem, I am a man but have some idea what peer pressure can do , having had similar experiences myself, many decades ago, relaxation is very important…things will happen given time, it’s not a race but there is a prize in your case multiples I just get the one good luck with your adventure…
Lots of good advice already been given. There is certainly no need to rush things and try to relax. You could try a classic vibrator (these are relatively cheap) some under £10 or a bullet (again low price) . I wish you the best of luck and remember there is always others to ask on here.
@user845
I’m a guy and from a different generation but I didn’t have any sexual relations until my late 20’s it’s not a race and don’t compare yourself with others as it rarely helps
Obviously I don’t have any experience of self exploration that women do but it takes time to get to know what turns you on
I’ve always been a fan of exploring myself in front of mirrors
It can be a wall or say dressing table mirror or something smaller like a hand held one that you can angle for the best view of your body
I’ve seen several videos of women doing self exploration of their vulvas, inner and outer labia clit and anus using a mirror like this
Suggest maybe try this as a way to understand your anatomy and during masturbation
Hope you enjoy the journey and reach the satisfaction that results
After a quick search I found the videos from the DVD on self exploration I had in my 20’s
The video producer was Betty Dodson and I found them on the porn site Tnaflix
They’re a little old fashioned but very explicit and about the only thing that I saw on line that’s not actually porn
Hopefully that helps you
Sorry to hear of your struggles but rest assure there’s no shame in being a virgin still as I didn’t start getting into things till I was about 25 and hadn’t ever had sexual encounters with anyone…
I sense if you’re struggling to gain anything from toy play with added stimulation, then it might be worth just seeing a doctor to discuss it or a nurse at a sexual clinic.
good luck with your adventure…