Advice on strap-on for males please

Sex Toys
1

Hi all. New to the site and first-time posting, so hope I’m in the right place!

Unfortunately after having radical prostatectomy surgery (non- nerve sparing) a few years ago following prostate cancer I can no longer achieve erections (and my libido was shot to pieces as well). It had never occurred to me before (given that I’m quite naive about these things) that penetrative sex would be possible using a strap-on dildo so that at least my wife (and me to a lesser extent) could experience similar pleasure to what we used to have together.

Luckily I’ve now woken up and am looking forward to doing something about it but need advice if anyone can help.

This may be a completely stupid question but how do males cope with the fact that the base of the dildo is (presumably) going to be in front of the penis and testicles - I don’t want to get my knob or balls mashed when thrusting into my wife!! :scream: :scream:. I do want to pleasure her and all that, but not at ANY cost! :smile: I fully appreciate that there are help sections on the site but I can’t find any mention of how it fits / works without your penis in the way.

The “Lovehoney Advanced Unisex Strap-On Harness Kit with 7 Inch G-Spot Dildo” on the site has great reviews for example, but even the poor excuse for a penis that the surgery left me with isn’t going to fit into that little hole that runs through it! I know from looking on the site that there are such things as hollow dildos, which I’m assuming would be what I need, but as this is described as unisex I wondered how it works in practice?

To start with I would probably prefer a boxer-short type remedy, at least until I get used to the idea, such as the “Packer Gear Strap-On Harness Boxer Shorts with Vibe Pocket” on the site, which would presumably enable the use of a hollow dildo (of the right size for the O ring of course). If I tried to get into a harness with straps I’d probably trip myself up, knock myself out and end up being the only knob in the bedroom… :roll_eyes: :joy:

Sorry to ramble on, but if anyone could shed any light on this for me, have experience of using the above or have suggestions I would be extremely grateful.

Thanks in advance.

3 Likes
2

Hey sir, welcome to the forum :slightly_smiling_face: alas I’ve no experience with strap-ons but there are many on here that will be able to assist you in this adventure!

As a side idea, have you considered a textured cock sleeve at all? Know you mentioned you’ve now got ED from the surgery but are you fully unable to get any kind of erection?

3

Hi Ajstar.

Many thanks for your reply.

No, unfortunately I can’t get any semblance of erection due to the nerves being removed when I had the prostate removed. I do have a vacuum pump that was prescribed to me originally following the operation but gave up on it as I found it really uncomfortable - maybe it’s time to try again as if it did work I could use a cock ring of some description to try and maintain some form of erection and try your suggestion.

Thanks again - much appreciated.

1 Like
4

I dont have any experience wearing one, or have any brands to recommend, but I have seen some underwear types of harnesses that have the o-ring opening higher up the front where it could rest on the pubic area. I have a suspicion that your specific issue is going to come with some purchases that you are going to waste money on unfortunately. Comfort, placement, usability and cost are all things to consider. I would recommend looking at a sex shop if possible to see if you could find anything to look at in person. You aren’t going to get a better idea of fit and function than that.

5

First off, my sympathies on all that you’ve been through to come out the other side. I can’t quite imagine the hardship and journey that’s been.

My wife has a pair of crotchless & backless harness briefs that allow the dildo to project from/rest on her pubic mound and she still has access to her clit while she’s pegging me. I would think you could fit something like that so that the dildo is more on your pubis (directly above the base of your penis) and so not squishing your bits so much. Would require slightly different angles for thrusting than you’re naturally used to, but might work for you.

1 Like
6

Many thanks guys, appreciate the responses.

Not sure if I could muster the confidence to visit a sex shop but it does make perfect sense to see things first-hand. Maybe I’ll man up and find the courage.

The idea of a set-up where it sits a bit higher sounds definitely do-able, I didn’t realise that might be an option. Getting used to a slightly different thrust compared to nothing is a no-brainer!

Again, thanks for taking the time to give advice, I really do appreciate it.

1 Like
7

Do not be embarrassed about going into a sex shop! Most people who work in them are very helpful and non-judgemental. Take your wife with you, you may be pleasantly suprised. Her knowing that you want to please her is all that should matter. Talk to her and consider different shapes, sizes, and functions of the toys that are available. I can’t imagine going through what you are, but I know she will not hold it against you for wanting to please her.

8

Cheers X-Play.

You’re absolutely right, I know that she would be totally understanding and love that I was trying to do the right thing because she’s an absolutely wonderful woman who I love to bits. It’s just my stupid reticence and reserve that’s holding things back.

I’ll absolutely bite the bullet and talk to her about it.

Thank you so much.

1 Like
9

My experience with a strap on is pretty limited. However, my wife and I purchased a strap-on kit recently from the LH site. It came with 3 various sized dildos and the corresponding rings to keep them attached securely to the harness.

Getting into the harness is very easy, if worried about the complexity of straps, just lie or sit down until you are sure your legs are in the right openings. Super easy. Similar to stepping into a jock strap or thong. Once it’s on, I just slide it up and position it with the base of the dildo just above the base of my penis and resting against the pubic bone. Once there, just adjust the straps and tighten to a comfortable but secure point so the harness can’t slide around. With it properly positioned your penis should not be adversely affected or get in the way when thrusting the dildo in and out.

Prior to the purchase I had the same concerns as you have now with how it would work. But I was pleasantly surprised once it arrived and I tried it on for the first time.

I’d say pick one out with good reviews on the LH site and give it a go. Rest assured she will be glad you did!

As others have also said, go to an adult toy store and explore. Everyone there will be very supportive of you and will be helpful to find what your both needing, that’s their job to make their customers happy. :hugs: Best of luck with your shopping!

10

Thanks User1340, that’s brilliant advice and a great help.

Thanks for sharing.

1 Like
11

Maybe even look at some of the vacuum pumps on Lovehoney to see if any of them are a more comfortable experience :nerd_face:

12

Just wanted to say hi and welcome to the site.

I’ve no experience with a strap on but I have dabbled with penis pumps for the occaisional ED and fun .. kinda. Sadly, unless you’re paying stupid money for medical grade then they’re nearly all imperfect toys and all fail at the same hurdle.

When you’re at your maximum pump it can look great and like the biggest hard on you’ve ever had … if a bit alarmingly purple/blue and uncomfortable ( the trick is to pump slowly, in small increments and allow yourself time to fill up ). But non of them make maintaining that erection easy. If you’re not really horny or have ED, just removing yourself from the seal can squeeze out most blood and by the time you’ve slid a cockring on there’s little left. So you want a cockring you can put on before removing yourself from the pump, but won’t interfere with the vacuum seal.

( I’ve just ordered an adjustable cockring in the hope its more successful. I can never get a regular, solid one to work conveniently with a pump. So something like this but from another site as you’d need a locking mechanism to ensure a tighter fit. ) EDIT: nope didn’t work, needed to be 8.5inches just to fit around the pump and I forgot to measure …

There’s also the hinge problem. So even if you’re successful and get the ring on and you’re rock hard, thats only 3/4 of the erectile tissue and not the part anchored to the body. So you can tend to wave around rather than stand proud. But at least thats usable.

So if you can overcome the issue of getting a cockring on without losing too much blood then I’d consider that a win.

.

The shorts I’ve seen online appear to be aimed at trans men and seem to be shaped to accomodate a packer rather than actual male genitals, though I’ve never used or seen them in person.

.

I think the hollow dildos sold on here, such as this,

Hollow Strap-On Dildo

are just repurposed fucking machine dildos that require space for a rod down the middle. So they’re not hollow in the way you’d expect or need.

.

And penis extenders like this

Penis Extender

don’t provide the structure of a harness ( though may be similar to the hinged penis effect mentioned above so might well be worth looking at. Try and find one with an extension under the perineum to provide more support and leverage ).

Or you could combine something like this

Open Ended Penis Sleeve With Ball Loop with something shaped like this
Lovense Diamo App Controlled Rechargeable Cock Ring

.

Just been looking around and I don’t know if this would also work for you

Double Penetration Strap on

13

Hi @Brizzlebloke

Whilst not suffering with the same medical condition, I have had ED for the best part of 6 years now.

I tried the traditional harness style but just wasn’t for me. Instead I tend to use the strap on briefs and tuck the little fella down so that he is out of the way.

Rather than swap dildos depending on partners preference at the time, I now have a number of different briefs ready loaded to pick and use.

This is the style and work for me https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/strap-ons/strap-on-kits/p/lovehoney-unisex-strap-on-harness-briefs/a37885g70163.html

1 Like
14

Hi @I_ll_try_anything Thanks for your extensive and massively helpful reply, really appreciate it.

I have tried a vacuum pump previously but experienced the exact same problems you mentioned.

I’ve now invested in the boxer-type briefs with O ring and a dildo so will see how that goes.

Thanks again.

1 Like
15

Hi @Welsh-Warrior

I don’t think the more traditional strap harness style would be for me either, at least at this early stage of experimenting (from both comfort and confidence points of view). I’ve ordered similar to the link you kindly sent so will see how it goes.

1 Like
16

Thats great. Be sure to let us know how you get with them.

17

Good luck and keep us all updated if your feel inclined to do so.

Couldn’t find the link to preferred style but found it today. Slightly more expensive but they are good quality. https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/strap-ons/strap-on-kits/p/packer-gear-strap-on-harness-boxer-shorts-with-vibe-pocket/a32780g58104.html

One thing to say avoid cheaper similar products from well-known next day delivery company as the quality just isn’t there and the adage of buy cheap buy twice is true!

1 Like
18

Hi @Welsh-Warrior Thanks for that - that’s the exact pair I’ve ordered from the site!
I was tempted to try Amazon but did wonder whether the quality could be relied on, plus the lady who works in the local post office where I take Amazon returns is about 110 years old - I think the poor old dear would have a heart attack if I passed a harness and dildos across the counter :anguished_face::face_with_crossed_out_eyes::joy::joy:

2 Likes
19

I sometimes use a strap on when my wife has me in chastity.

The harness is fitted so that the strapon is above my penis and cage not on it. It works wonderfully and we both enjoy it.

I find that I’m more able to concentrate on pleasuring her, and she definitely enjoys being fucked with a bigger cock.

1 Like